What is really amazing to me is that if I look at pics of us and think back to just 7 months ago, my wife seems perfectly happy. Now it's like she hates everything that there is about me.
I often think this too. I have a photo of my W and I cuddling which was taken on the 5th December. A few days later and BOOM.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
What is really amazing to me is that if I look at pics of us and think back to just 7 months ago, my wife seems perfectly happy. Now it's like she hates everything that there is about me.
I often think this too. I have a photo of my W and I cuddling which was taken on the 5th December. A few days later and BOOM.
Intact, I'm really sorry to hear about your wife doing that to you. I see that everything hit you like an avalanche. That's a really compressed timeline of events! I hope things get better for you.
Yes pretty much the same here but don't you think this has been a long time coming and maybe you were just missing the signs...We all need to grow and do new things...how can you get out of the rut you are in? That is what you need to be asking...what you can do to change you...you can't change her focus on you...What attracted your W to you in the first place..
My wife's complaints have been that we don't have a social life. That can easily be changed. I have been making attempts to do that. Just contacted some friends of ours to get together for dinner some night. we are going skiing as a family with other couples in a couple of weeks.
This summer, we can get together with her friends or mine for games at the ballpark. We can rent a boat and go water skiing or tubing. Changes can be made, but it doesn't happen overnight.
My wife was probably attracted to my sense of confidence, sense of direction in my life and the fact that I didn't smother her. I am sure that I came across to her as though I really wasn't too wrapped up in her. I was doing my thing but I made room for her in my life. She eventually became quite big part of my life.
As I read my own words here, I am beginning to get a little clarity. Thanks for asking. I hope things are improving for you, 7720!
Valentine's day came and went. Yeah, it's commercial, but everybody does it, so that's why we all make it into something more than it really needs to be. It IS just another day.
Waited to see if my wife would give me a card. She did. Nothing with any feeling to it. Very platonic. I gave her my card. Did nothing else. My card said something about love and not always doing a great job of expressing it. Any damage done? Who knows. I'm getting tired of all this tip toeing around.
Still in separate rooms. Wife won't even allow me to touch her.
Whenever I say something like "I can understand how you would feel that way", she comes back with "that's a textbook answer". She is very cynical and doesn't buy into this DB approach. I almost feel like everything that I have been told to try such as dress more nicely, go out and get a life, pull back, and validate has done nothing to help at all.
She told me today that she has always been a person to make a decision and then not look back. Not very encouraging.
She asked me about my coaching sessions. We keep totally transparent books. There is NO way to hide purchases like that from each other. She wanted to know what kind of help it was giving me. What did they have to offer me. How do you answer something like that? I gave her an answer that was pretty vague. She looked at it as though I had wasted more money. (A major complaint about me.) Said I could get everything I need from a book.
In the process of removing all of my clothes from our bedroom. Today I am officially moving out of our master BR. Every time I go in there, I feel like I'm invading her space.
She's told me multiple times that the love she has for me is gone. If that's the case, she doesn't feel "married" to me any more or at least doesn't want to be. I have decided that if that's how she feels, it's time for me to start living my life like it's over.
I'm gonna do my best to be nice and cordial, but no more inviting her to do things with me. No more attempts to reconcile. No more mentioning anything about us or our past. I need to move on in my heart.
I find it impossible to "act as if". I need to "believe". My actions then will naturally follow.
Gonna re-read DR. I'm still looking for hope. Just haven't been finding any lately.
Thanks for the hugs, Tori. I'm definitely needing them!
I have been dealing with this crap for 6 months now and no matter what I have tried (even attempts at LRT), nothing seems to affect her. The emotional abuse she has been dishing out to me (no sex, recoiling at my touch, ice queen, not including me in her activities with friends, letting me see her all happy and sparkling with anyone besides me, etc.) is taking its toll. I feel like what she is really trying to do is to drive me out of the house. She knows this stuff affects me greatly. In fact, her behavior is just like the LRT being directed at ME.
I'm in serious need of direction from people who have been through all of this crap and have successfully made it through. I have about had it. My wife is a VERY determined individual who has always made it through any crisis in her life by just shutting off her emotions and becoming a "machine". I am NOT that way and so, it seems, I am getting slowly destroyed.
I have counseling session number two scheduled for tomorrow. I purchased three of them. I am really hoping to get some kind of epiphany that will work for me.
