mum2three, it looks like you are going through a normal cycle in your relationship. One day it feels better, then next day you feel that it is not going well at all. Why do you feel taken advantage in your marriage? Are you over functioning? This is could be just as simple as pulling back a little and let him handle certain things. Why don’t you go out sometimes? Have you tried to plan for dinner, just for the two of you?
He doesn’t care because he thinks that you are always going to be there. You need to become a little bit more mysterious and unpredictable. I know it might be hard when you have kids, but maybe you can think of something to stimulate his curiosity towards you.
I know what you mean by missing hugs and caring. I wander if this shows in your attitude. Can you start thinking about yourself as a present or a gift for your husband, and not the other way around? Let him miss the caring and hugs from you. Sometimes you only need to imagine that you are the biggest gift and he wants for himself, and it will change your vibe. When you wake up in the morning, try to think about yourself in these terms and see if you start feeling better.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
i am putting my rules out for you all to add to. Sorry for the duplication
*You are the only person that you can change *People show their love for each other in very different ways; when people do things for you this may be as much an expression of their love as a hug or a cuddle. *Eyes can't lie! If someone's eyes light up when they see you this is a very good sign. If they don't then think about why that might be and if it bothers you change something about yourself. *focusing all your attention on your relationship may be as bad as giving it no attention *you are the only person responsible for your happiness *Detach a little but be kind if you find yourself too dependent on another *Never compromise your own values and needs through fear of being unloved or alone *you came into this world alone and leave it alone but there are many unlikely people along the way routing for you *The problem with your relationship may reflect another problem that you are having with work or with your 'first' family. *Be clear about your boundaries in a marriage, and what you are prepared to accept, talk this over with your partner. Don't tolerate or explain away behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure *Do not mind read or second guess: I was invariable wrong when I did this and thought the worst *DO not snoop- I never learnt anything helpful from it. I now have a tin of cat food on my desk. If I snoop I have to eat it- ALL *secrecy is a disaster in a marriage. The fear and worry of what might be happening is worse that any reality
Me 49y H 52y T23 y M17 y ??EA June 2012 with younger co-worker children 8-12
Are you over functioning? This is could be just as simple as pulling back a little ...... Can you start thinking about yourself as a present or a gift for your husband, and not the other way around? Let him miss the caring and hugs from you.
Thanks BrightFuture. I am sure you are right. I am not convinced that he would notice but I will try doing something different and I will report back !! I need to get some other passions in my life rather than DH and family. I am trying to give more attention to my work and other things...I know this is the answer just how to get that passion back. I feel as if I have put it all aside to be a mother and wife for so long. But I will do it, and I will start right now. Thank you all
Me 49y H 52y T23 y M17 y ??EA June 2012 with younger co-worker children 8-12
