Thank you folks! I am pretty swirly in the head right now...lol.
Need to get some journalling out...
This morning was A LOT more and I think, based on how W has traditionally been, this will be a wild ride, floodgates sort of thing, she has usually been pretty "all or nothing".
I am having some interesting reactions, such as I am sort of disappointed that OM ended it, rather than her (and of course this bothers W, she wanted to be the one when she was ready, and she does love being pursued, hence my choice of song lyrics)...this really has me cautious of histrionic hoovering...I don't trust this yet, and that kind of bothers me (but not too much There were more apologies and remorse, she doesn't like that she could do these bad things. Her word choices are showing me clarity and some new maturity, such as she doesn't want to revert to her old dynamic of me being her therapist, and other things like that. The awareness is nice.
I have this quote stuck to my desktop now from AmyC's thread (if memory serves):
Quote:
To you I'll say this: If you don't humble yourself at this time, if you let pride make you bitter and vengeful, she will never feel able to ask your forgiveness. And THAT ALONE IS PARAMOUNT to her coming out of MLC a better and stronger person.
You see, the hardest thing for her will be forgiving herself and she can never do that unless she can come back and talk with you.
Love her or not, leave her or not, you've got to make yourself a person (because you are THE person) she can come to and apologize. This is when you're going to have your feet held to fire and you'll find out if your love is really unconditional.
So all that work this last 1.5 years is now going to the test, feels like when I was a musician before a big, important gig...so I can do this....
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Part of me is just amazed and I can't believe we are here.
And I really wish I would have waited on the s3x,,,(hey, SHE started it!)I still don't know if there was any PA, hence STDs to be worried about, and worried about the "rebound" effect...I wish we were farther along in the other intimacy items so that it would have been ML, not just s3x (did I just write that? And I'm a guy...lol!). Can't change the past, so moving forward.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Well, maybe if we hadn't been interrupted by one of the kids, it could have been more...but that is the reality of being parents, so maybe reality is better than some "fantasy moment" right now, since she's spent enough time in fantasyland I reckon...don't want expectations to get too crazy...lol...idk.
That did crack me FY...
I hope you sitch breaks soon...it's tough, I know.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2, Regardless of how it ended, it ended! Take the positives that she has expressed to you and watch closely to see how real they are. How deeply she wants to change. As far as the intimacy I ask if saying no to her would do more harm than good? Your goal is not to punish her but to try and draw her in and help her out of this pattern she has followed. Sometime there is no right or wrong....
Best to you friend. And I'm with FY, you won't find too many of us feeling sorry for you at this moment .
I would rather feel pain then never feel at all... Separated 3/2012 T 34 yrs M 27 yrs
One thing I have learned in all this is that what I say/do/write isn't always taken as I intended, so be humble and go back over it and see if I can improve my communication clarity...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Yup, her floodgates are open, but not in a mean way at least...everything I've read about what the mlc'er thinks and feels during their time away has been verified...
I did not know I was repulsive, or had been, not sure now, though she did feel attracted to me before the interruptions this weekend.
I know she is grieving a lot of loss, the last(?) OM, her youth, the "old marriage", etc...too much to detail, way too much.
She can't understand why she is not "happy"...has a good life, a good family, a good H, not perfect, but could be worse.
She thinks she is addicted to the "new love" feelings, though she has read and "gets" that they are temporary, which pains her, wonders if she'll ever be happy...
Oh man this is tough.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
There were more apologies and remorse, she doesn't like that she could do these bad things.
