No, you do not want to say those things. If you do, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and she will then really think about bolting. Keep to the facts 1) ordering a large number of checks;
Glad I checked with you because thats what my therapist told me to do she said tell her no more working on the house or spending money unless you want to work on the marriage
[/quote]2) furniture purchase and 3) the wedding and you being told that you are to babysit son. [/quote]
the furniture is taken care of
Me watching my son doesn't bother me so much her getting an invitation with GUEST bothers me - I already asked her if I was invited she just didn't answer me - so I need to bring it up again
I am unsure how to approach it
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
You'll find a way to broach the subject of the "guest" invitation. God always gives up a way to do so. It may come when you least expect it.
Mlcer do not do well w/ultimatums Had you given her one about the furniture and house, she very well may have chosen to walk rather than work on the marriage. They always take the easiest way out of things.
Spend time w/your son and enjoy him as long as you can. They grow up so quickly.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sunny I have not been around in a while but I do check in from time to time. You continue to get some very good advice for Snodderly and others.
Quote:
I go out on weekends to – I hate doing it but I won’t just sit around waiting for her anymore
Why do you “hate doing it”? Why do you feel like you are sitting around waiting for her? Standing is not about standing still! Personally, you should not be sitting around waiting for her. You should be figuring out what you want in YOUR life. You should be doing things that bring you closer to YOUR dreams. Things to do not involve your W. Oh…if you hate going out, then don’t. Sunny, your post screams FEAR, which I totally understand. You are praying but do YOU trust God? Do you think God wants you to feel the way you are feeling? I would bet not – that said, what are doing to not feel this way?
Quote:
Do you think I should say $hit or get off the pot
Personally, I think you want to say this but your not ready…not yet. Never ask a question that you are not ready for the answer to. Are you really ready for her to say..”yeah..F it, I’m outta here”? I bet not. Think for a second here….are you asking HER to make the CHOICE for you? Before you ask a question…before you talk to your W..even if it is to discussion the issues you want to talk about, consider this… 1) What is your goal of the conversation? 2) Are you having the conversation, so that you can try to manipulate, persuade, control or guilt her? 3) Are you skimping on your ability to make a choice and putting the pressure on her to make on? 4) Does this conversation align with YOUR goals (note – not HERS – YOURS!) 5) Deep down inside are you afraid of the answer you will receive? 6) Do you really need an answer from her? 7) Is the conversation worthwhile – will it add to your stress or reduce it? Sunny – we cannot control or change someone. We can only control and change ourselves. Life is short buddy….try and spend it happy. God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thank you for all your help my worst fear has come true my wife met a new guy on Sat and called him 44 times during the week and had sex with him - told her its over - we spoke this morning and she told me she was lonely - she said I asked you almost a year ago to move out - so I told her to get her attorney and I made an appointment with a lawyer. God Bless those of you who have hung in there so long but after 2 years of being the best I can possibly be she can do this and still tell me I am the worst husband in the world I don't get - I thank you for all your help and I will keep you posted on the progress.
DB is to pain full a way to live for me I see no progress or changes I think its time for me to go.
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
I am so sorry for you and your son. Don't move out. She should be the one to leave the home since she's the one having the affair and can't seem to find herself.
You have to do what is right for you. We will stand behind you in whatever you opt to do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just saw your post and wanted to say I am so sorry for the whole situation.
Those who are more knowledgable than I will come along and offer advice. Try to sit quietly for a few minutes and let it all sink in and formulate your plan.
Sunny, I'm so sorry to hear of the recent events and all the pain you are in. I agree with snodderly, whatever you do, don't move out of your home. It will be even more painful if you do.
I'm sending strength your way...
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Don't move out. She should be the one to leave the home since she's the one having the affair and can't seem to find herself.
I agree, especially since you just re-did the kitchen and all. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
You have to do what you need to do, SB...and DB isn't just for trying to restore your M, it's also for you and you going forward. Heck, I use DB with co-workers, bosses, customers...its a part of life now.
Hang in there for you and your son during this next phase! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Sunny, I hope you don't leave the home or this board. You have friends. I know you have to do what's right for you, but remember this whole MLC thing can change on a dime. Read my recent events!
Your W sounds like a very sad, lonely lady. Your son is lucky to have you--and so is W even though she can't see it right now.
Let her do the work. If she wants the big D, then let her move out. The reality of doing something is very different than fantasizing about it.
Since you told her it's over, don't let her think otherwise even if you begin to reconsider.
I made a bucket list this weekend and it really helped my frame of mind. I began to remember things I WANT to do with MY LIFE.
Hang in there,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Sunny, I am sorry for your recent events as well. Please don't move out, you have done nothing wrong. This stuff takes time to process and it is painful, I have cried rivers on this trip but you'll be a better person for having having to go through it. Trust me. I remember this Thanksgiving sitting with friends and they asked what I was thankful for, I replied: "My family, my friends, and the challenges that God gives us, for without them we will never grow."
Trust yourself. You are the lighthouse.
M - 55 W- 49 S-19, D-16 Married - 24 Bipolar Dx - May 1996 #1 BD - Jun 2011 #2 BD - Feb 2012 #3 BD - Oct 2012 Reconnecting - Jan 2013
"I'm going off the rails on a crazy train!" - O. Osbourne
