May the new year bring a much needed "warming trend" and she finally finishes facing her demons and returns to you completely healed.
Enjoy the rest of the holiday season.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have needed to step back a bit from the board, doing my own work internally.
Well, NYE I set myself up a nice expectations trap since W "came out" during xmas and was a bit disappointed that W was back withdrawn and "inside". It was hard because NYE was my favorite holiday. But it was an improvement over last year when she had her own virtual party online cybersexing or whatever she did. This year she was doing her EFT tapping, knitting, not online at all, but still withdrawn...notice the small things T, the small improvements...lol...
I had my birthday, she didn't do or say anything about it, but we all know mlc'ers DO that, so I wasn't disappointed...I gave myself the gift of knocking off a bunch of little, but important, things off my perpetual list...I feel great about that and the pressure/annoyance relief. Then I went and re-arranged my office/studio with one of my sons, I think it will help me get more music recorded going forward, much better efficiency and feng-shui. Of course, now I have a pile of stuff left to sort, file, donate, etc...hit that tomorrow. Finished the night off with a couple of episodes of Spartacus. I am happy with the day.
Other than that, W is doing her internal journey, I just do whatever it is that I do...have some nice goals for 2013 lined up to keep me busy. I feel that something is going to change soon, even W says its pretty much her sorting out herself...idk, trying to not spend too much energy fretting about it either way and let things be, and let them work out as they are supposed to in their own time.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T, Sometimes you have to step away from the board in order to work on yourself.
I'm sorry you had a little bit of a let down over NYE. You recognize what you did and now you need to step back and allow her to continue to figure things out. Step back and continue w/no expectations.
BTW, Happy Belated Birthday!
Time and space are on your side as well as hers. She recognizes that she still has some work to do. Don't get caught up in her comments, but pay particular attention to her body language and actions.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Rereading your post, I wonder if your W may have been more withdrawn NYE precisely b/c it was your favorite holiday. And she isn't quite ready to be to total acceptance yet.
I'm expecting the same for Valentine's Day in my sitch. H asked me to marry him on bended knee on a Valentine's Day so I always made that day/memory special. I hafta be careful to stay away from any expectation this year.
You've been through some horrible stuff these past years! I think it must be harder having her at home, having to see some of her activities! You're a strong man!
Wonder if the EFT tapping is helping at all? I wonder what this year holds for you. It all sounds really good! You are the best at detaching!
It's nice when our spouses exchange the rose colored glasses for reading glasses
Hope you have a very nice and productive week!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
That is some good insight, regarding the holiday...I wonder if it another subconscious "control" thing they do right now.
I think the EFT is working, she still is determined to do this AD-free and she hasn't yet sunk into a deep depression, though it is still there. Funny thing she did on my b-day, she emailed me a bunch of tapping scripts for me to print out for her, maybe a "gift" of indirectly saying "I'm still working on things"? Actions, actions, not words...Who knows...
I am still working on the detaching...I DO have my moments of non-detached, lol...but I am getting better at noticing when I am not detached and taking action to NOT say/do anything that would set back any progress, or just makes things worse for me in any fashion. Heck, walking around all hurt and such is NOT how I want to be (queue Monty Python here...) it's not part of my "idiom".
I can't wait until I can tell her she looks cute in her readers (and hot in a librarian sort of way when I'm feeling randy...lol). Right now best to not offer anything until she gets more accepting of them, unless she asks first...
How's the home-schooling going? I miss it, though even with a charter school there is still lots of "home schooling" to do, it's just not the same, though.
We just have to be sure to be our best selves, but still our TRUE selves right now, eh?
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
sounds like your holidays went okay- so yay for you. we all live for the tiny positive steps - (what the heck do they mean? i do not know) HOWEVER - better than tiny negative steps for sure... and good stuff about reorganizing your work space/studio. i struggle with that particular "concept" continually. i love when my neice or someone young helps me out- they love contributing and helping an "adult". isn't it cute- they actually think we know what the heck we're doing all the time (as opposed to merely some of the time - or a glim mer now and then of direction (me anyway)).
man- youth - it's worth gold. lucky you to have kids to "play" with.
i guess if you can do it (redo studio) - and then "address" your pile of removed stuff- ican too. maybe tomorrow morning-
sorry w came in a bit and went back out- like the tide huh? we do get fooled don't we? i don't know- i'm in funny place becasue holiday was spent in big rush & then everyone sick as heck til now (me, h & mom) . then mom in hospital new yr day a.m.- boy, i never began my year eve being nurse ratchet and then dragging some poor sap into the hospital next morning.
i'm not seeing it as a good omen- but i'm glad i'm not 88, and i'm glad i'm not sick & i'm glad someone else is watching & fighting with mom at moment to eat & drink-
soooo- yay for a day or two repreve. it's all relative isn't it?
Just wanted to pop by to say hello and wish you a happy belated birthday.
Christmas, New Years, and your birthday all within a few weeks? Sounds like an MLCers trifecta from hell!
I think no matter where we are at in our journey, it is hard to detach but still observe. To look for signs, but not have expectations.
Heck, we're only human! And we have feelings too, darn it!
When the time is right, definitely compliment your wife on her glasses. My H used to tell me all the time how much he liked my glasses, how cute I was in them. That I reminded him of Lisa Loeb. I miss that
Well, get those boots on and keep on keepin on.
You always do, Obi Wan
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
