Tad is trying to hold on. He doesn't want to let go yet and anything NICE or near NICE she does is gonna give him hope. This is the way it will be until he decides to live his life for him. Tad, in my opinion, your ex will prb do NICE stuff off and on for months/yrs to come. Do you really want to be stuck that long? I don't think you do. No one would. You have got to stop analyzing Tad. She is being nice to her kids father. It's prb her way of getting rid of some of her guilt.
I know this is hard for you, but its only because you are standing (I assume) and waiting. So much time is passing you by. I can imagine how you let yourself get confused. I don't have to deal with this because my ex is a jerk but I know it would be hard if I did.
If you do what Antonia suggested you will be in a better place and this stuff will not bother you. It wont happen until you move on.
I know you want your family back Tad, but what do you want to wait and wait and analyze and analyze. Its like watching paint dry. Move on with your life, accept the nice things she does, and go on. OR move away, lose her number and start new. I know you have kids and that might be impossible but it might be the only way you are gonna get past this.
"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Hey Tad and other good folks, I can't, and I don't think I will ever be able to fully intergrate who My ex W Liz is now, and the Liz I knew before (over the 28 years we were an item). Unless that is, she ever changes, they will always be different persons. I do accept who she is now and what she as become. But I don't want any contact with her, it's just so shocking for me to see her nower days.
Hey Delboy! I hear you! In some cases, they never integrate and the changes are so drastic it's hard to believe.
Hope you are and your family are doing well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I feel a song coming on, Just for Tad, check it out on Y--- T---
I've been Hurt: performed by Guy Darell
First released in 1966 and later re-released in 1973 in the UK, of which I have a copy off, which was given to us by Liz’s family in 1981 with a load of other 45 records too.
(Or should it be titled: ‘Tad's Been Hurt’)
I’---------ve been hurt, hurt, hurt... Yes, I've been hurt I’ve been hurt, hurt - Like I’ve never been, hurt before Why should I---------, try to be So give me your love I’ve been hurt
Well you cheated, mistreated Cheated, cheated on me, There you go, whole, whole, a whole lot of lies It will happen, it will happen, it will happen After that time I saw you with another guy Holding him tight
I’---------ve been hurt, hurt, hurt... Yes, I’ve been hurt I’ve been hurt, hurt - Like I’ve never been hurt before Why should I----------, try to be So give me your love I’ve been hurt
I’ve been hurt, hurt, hurt,... Yes I’ve been hurt, hurt, hurt,... I’ve been hurt, hurt, hurt,... Yes I’ve been hurt, hurt, hurt,... I’ve been hurt, hurt,…
P.S. Where is the Smurf man, I would bet my last dollar/pound that he will've danced to this, back in the day, with all that other ‘Northern Soul’ music.
Delboy, I haven't heard from the Smurf Man is a while. I'll have to drop him a note to see how he is doing. The last time I was in contact w/him, he was on his own in Switzerland.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just curious when you post about something in regards to your XW, are you posting just to vent and have a good bitch session, or are you really upset and still have alot of mixed feelings about interactions with her?
Do you feel you still need guidance in how to handle situations with her?
Are you confident you can handle whatever sitch with her that is NECESSARY or do you feel insecure about that?
Hi all. Been away for a little while. I had one really bad day last week, but overall I've been ok. I've decided that for the moment, I want NO relationship with anyone right now. I don't want one or need one.
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I came here to your thread to ask you if you like your new job at home. I want to apply for something similar and was curious how you feel about your job.
I do like it. It gets a little boring sometimes, but it isn't too bad.
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She's trying to make peace. It's up to you to accept it or not.
This is the part that confuses me. Why make peace with someone who you think is such a bad person?
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She may or may not ever want to reconcile w/you. You do not want to be sitting in the same place spinning your wheels for the rest of your life. You have a lot to offer the world and the world is waiting to help you move forward.
Thank you Snodderly.
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Now, about that book... how goes it my friend?
It's going. Still tweaking with the ending a little bit...
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Who the hell cares WHY she offered cupcakes? It's NOT a "signal" of her wanting to marry Tad.
I don't think that I or anyone else on here said that it was a "signal."
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She has chosen OM to be married to however. Yet she doesn't want to feel like the bad guy. So she chooses small gestures of kindness or texts him a message about his fav band being on TV to show gestures of good will...
Yes but.....my mom left my dad for an OM and sure as Hell would never send him a text about his favorite band or cupcakes. Matter of fact, I don't know anybody like that. If I had left her because she was "so terrible", I wouldn't have anything to do with her. And why do nice things for somebody that supposedly "hurt her to the core?" BTW - I still haven't been told what I did.
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Just curious when you post about something in regards to your XW, are you posting just to vent and have a good bitch session, or are you really upset and still have alot of mixed feelings about interactions with her?
Do you feel you still need guidance in how to handle situations with her?
Are you confident you can handle whatever sitch with her that is NECESSARY or do you feel insecure about that?
I honestly come here to vent and get feedback from some of the others that are further along than me. I also like to compare and see the similarities...
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Quote from you : "Yes but.....my mom left my dad for an OM and sure as Hell would never send him a text about his favorite band or cupcakes. Matter of fact, I don't know anybody like that. If I had left her because she was "so terrible", I wouldn't have anything to do with her. And why do nice things for somebody that supposedly "hurt her to the core?" BTW - I still haven't been told what I did."
Tad, different strokes for different folks.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Last week I suggested to my XW that maybe we should go out to do something more fun than emailing. She said "no thank, sorry". I had never asked her to go out before. The next day (after 5 years apart) she finally told me "I let her down as a husband and was the one that destroyed our marriage". This is the FIRST time she has given a reason why she left. I validated what she said (sort of). She went on and on that she has no interest in"us" and that I should move on and find someone new.
The next day I saw her at my kids school and she came up and gave me the biggest hug ever. The kind of hug that couples do when they make up after a fight. I didn't hear from her for 5 days until she sent a text asking if I want to meet up with her and the kids at a school function this past weekend. I answered "no thanks". I find it too hard to be all together, have a great time and not have it mean anything to her like it does with me.
This situation has been going on for at least a year now. It's the classic distance and pursuit situation. I have to stop the distance and pursuit cycle.
Tad, the point of the story is my XW left me and many times is nice and even bakes stuff for me. You know what it means ? It means nothing ! It "might" mean she is trying to soften the situation so we all just get along great. But time and time again my wife has articulated that I was the one that destroyed our marriage and that I need to move on. Oh ya, btw she is always complimenting me on what a great father I am.....
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
