Not really. From the very beginning she has been asking me for space and I have not been good at giving it to her. If anything I would say that is what has pushed her farther away. I can only hope that as I have finally found the strength to pull away and let her have her space that the damage is not irreversible.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Can anyone tell me how to get rid of the deep emotional turmoil and darkness that I feel inside? I have noticed that it is really hard to GAL when you can barely force yourself to get out of bed in the morning.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
And it helped me to be around people, not stay alone. Even if we didn't talk. Just someone around.
And please try and force yourself to GAL. It's so very hard but it will get you out of the house and force you to interact with people.
Stay on the boards.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I know that clinical depression runs in my family but I have been tested for that and the tests came back negative. I am exercising and eating just fine, although I do have some trouble sleeping at times. I do get out and interact with people as much as I am able. I spend a lot of time with my brother and his wife when they are around and with my kids. My biggest problem is that most of my friends either moved or just drifted away while I was in school so I am having to find new friends. And since I am a naturally shy person that is not the easiest thing for me to do.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Maybe that can be a 180 for you? I am typically shy too...what about learning a new sport? I started taking golf lessons. So I had to to interact with the coach, and just being friendly with other people there helped me feel like I was not so far removed from the world as I felt I was.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I would have to find something that is free. Unfortunately that is not a lot around here. I am seriously thinking about looking for some volunteer opportunities here in town and once school starts, that will help a lot as well.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
That sounds like a great idea! I think it will help as well.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Today it has been a week since I have spoken to, called or texted W other than arraigning the schedule for me to provide child care services. I did see her yesterday when my MIL took me and my kids to lunch at the restaurant where W is the manager but even then I did not say anything to her except hello and good bye. I sure would like to know what she is thinking and feeling by my therapist, as well as all of you guys, have done a good job of helping me keep my distance and respect her space. In fact, my therapist pointed out to me that I was acting rather co-dependent and that may have been aggravating the situation a great deal.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this milestone with everyone, the longest I have gone before this was two days. I also wanted to thank everyone here for the help that you have given me so far. For the first time in a while I have actual hope that maybe I can save my marriage.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Okay, I have two questions for you guys today. The first is this. About a week ago W asked me to talk to the brother whom I am living with and ask him if I could watch our kids at B's house on occasion. I told her that I would if she agreed to do something for me. After some negotiations she agreed that if I did that, left her alone for three weeks, and had good days with the kids for three weeks that she would go on one date with me. However, after reading the 37 Rules and having gotten some insight from various members of this board I have questioned whether this is a good idea or not. So my question is, when the three weeks are up should I push for the date that she agreed to or should I just take a deep breath and not worry about it unless she brings it up?
The second question regards a somewhat stickier problem. To ask the question I need to give you the back story. Quite a while ago I reconnected with several friends from high school on Facebook. One of them was a girl that I kind of had a crush on for a semester but it was never serious. Anyway, as things have progressed with my divorce we have gotten to talking more and more frequently since she went through a divorce about two years ago. However, yesterday I realized that things were heading in a direction that I am sure neither of us had intended them to go. I could see that we were in the beginnings of EA and possibly even on the verge of PA (she had started talking about coming up from California to see me and getting us a motel room for the weekend.) As a result I told her that I still value her as a friend but that I had to stop talking to her at least until my divorce is final. So my question is, how do you avoid falling into a situation like that? I know that at least in this particular instance I was just happy to have someone show some interest in me and give me emotional support and I let it get too far. But what I don't know is how do you recognize when things are going to far and how do you keep healthy relationships in that healthy area?
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
