Wow fig! First, the story of your daughter made me tear up. Thank you for sharing it with me. And just for the record...screw the old guy in church. (Jesus and I are super tight, and I think He would agree. LOL)
It really is all about perspective. You really know how to get right down to the nitty gritty don't you? ;-) I think him telling me he still plans to leave had me putting my walls back up, and not wanting to do this anymore. And if that really is the case, then why was I doing it to start with? Just to get him back, or to become a better, greater me? It's a hard pill to swallow when you look at yourself and still don't like what you see...even after months of work.
I never thought I was someone who CARED what people thought. And now, possibly facing the ending of my M, I realize I DO care...because it means I failed at something. Well, failed at something else. Seems like I've felt like a failure all my life. I'm learning that my H's issues are his own, and I can't take responsibility for them. But it still feels like I couldn't make it work.
Thank you for taking your time to peek into my crazy world.
Originally Posted By: figgeroni
are you a doormat or a loving wife, giving her husband what he needs at that moment?
Are you being taken advantage of or are you being trusted enough for someone to be vulnerable with you?
these are questions only you can answer because you are the only one that is on the inside
it doesn't matter what I see Ro...it matters what you see and feel and what your husband sees and feels
There are all good questions, and I need to think about if I'm answering them honestly or not. My H says it's too late for us, but doesn't act like it. I still feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him, but am I acting like it?
Being vulnerable is VERY hard for me. But even for me there comes a point when it's all too much. Check this out...
The power at our house was still out when I got home yesterday. Has been since the weekend. It was 90 degrees in the house, but I was still planning on staying there. I mean, why would I pay money for a hotel where A/C is? SMH I went home to get my laptop and ended up locking myself out of the house. H was still in NC, and my friend who has the extra key wasn't answering her phone. Ended up calling a locksmith, and ended up having to buy a new lock and deadbolt.
After all of that, it hits me that even with the new locks, the alarm system isn't going to work with no power. I get VERY freaked out. I call H, not to tell him this of course, but that the locks were changed and I was headed to Panera for dinner. I end up losing it with him on the phone. And when I saw losing it, BOY DID I LOSE IT. I just didn't want to stay by myself last night. He tries to console me saying don't cry and just get a hotel room. Says he wishes he was there. Tells me that WE are not that hard up for money and he would feel better if I got a good night's rest. He said he would just not eat out today or go shopping if it meant I would be okay. So to the hotel I went...and boy did that A/C feel good! LOL Crazy me would have been sitting in that house in the dark, burning up!
He called me twice last night to check in and finally to say good night. He called this morning to say good morning and tell me that he was up and on his way to take his car to the shop. (He used to do this all the time before things got bad. Once things got bad, I barely got a good night phone call, much less good morning) I think I may have freaked him out. I don't fall apart very often.
H told me if the power was not back on that we'd be staying at a hotel tonight too. I just checked, and no power. :-( We're supposed to go to the movies as well. Why does this feel like we're dating each other again?
Everything is just so confusing. I think you have to just keep on doing what you can and see where it leads you.
The other night H told me that he doesn't think we can get back together because he never wants to go through this amount of hurt again if we tried and failed.
While that's extremely hard to hear him say, whenever he's upset or has good news, I'm always the one that he goes to. He can be vulnerable around me.
So I'm trying to live by the "believe none of what they say and half of what they do" mantra.
I think our H's are scared and trying to figure out what they want. For right now, I'm doing my best not to put any pressure on him and see what happens.
Easier said than done though.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Don't think of what he said, just keep on doing what you are doing now, today.
I wish you all the best. Have a great day
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks bustingout. I am trying to get back focused.
The power finally came back on last night around 8 pm. H and I went to the movies to see Spiderman while the house cooled off some. It was pretty good, but I still like the older ones better.
I am having a hard time with H being nice and acting like we are still happily married. He'd get the Oscar for "acting as if". Its kind of annoying. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. Why the pretending?
No real plans for today. We have to empty out the fridge and freezer and head to the grocery store. H did go out earlier to get lunch. Brought back some of those frozen drinks with the alcohol already in them. We had talked about them before, but couldn't find any. Wonder if he's trying to get me drunk? LOL
I am having a hard time with H being nice and acting like we are still happily married. He'd get the Oscar for "acting as if". Its kind of annoying. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does.
Ever thought about fighting fire with fire, Ro?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
H's family is having a mini family reunion this weekend. H had told me about it, and my MIL mentioned it this past weekend. H didn't really say anything then. I wasn't sure if H was going or not (family issues), and if I was invited. I asked him if he was going tonight. He looks at me and says he had the information ( address, phone number, etc) and says we can go. I just said ok. Then he ate a snack and had to run to the bathroom. I think it made him nervous. LOL
I'm drinking my frozen Sangria as we speak. Wonder what else this night has in store for me?
