Well time for a new thread. Very little change with W. We are cordial but no emotions towards me. Hard to believe that it happened so fast. One day we were planning our entire summer with lots of fun and next we are in the middle of this? Got an email from my L today and our court date is on March 6th. Now it is all about numbers and who gets what? Hope my D does not get hurt too bad from this. Really very sorry that she has to deal with it. I hate the idea that she will be living elsewhere. I did lots of fancy wood work and painting to her room.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I said something very similar on my thread yesterday-one day you're sharing everything and the next day-POOF! It's like you are little more than cordial strangers.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Maybe I am LRTing too hard? Yesterday barely saw W since I was gone all day. Came home from work Tonite said hi and she said same. as I was getting my shirt and shorts W said ' I have computer class tomorrow and Wednesday'. And next Monday'. I said ok. Not sure what that means other than me driving D to school on those days. We ate dinner and I ate most of what she served but threw some out. Been doing that for a while which is new. I finished eating a few seconds before her thanked for cooking got up and cleaned my dish and utensils. She sat there by her plate while staring at her food or floor not sure. Not sure if I should wait for her to finish but I can not mind read any more been doing it for almost 3 decades. I would do what I thought she wanted me but never saying anything just me assuming.
In about 7 weeks we will be in court. I pray to be dignified And not become vindictive or bitter.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I said something very similar on my thread yesterday-one day you're sharing everything and the next day-POOF! It's like you are little more than cordial strangers.
Amen... I was thinking that tonight as I reminisced... just last February I was in Florida on Valentine's Day due to work travel and my W texted me some racy photos of her. Something she had NEVER done before... then in May we were touring a modular home builder looking at floorplans and designs... in June we were planning how to take the kids to Disney World next summer... and in July the wheels started to come off this thing. We're more than cordial strangers at this point I guess... we did have that period though. Now I'd call us "old friends" who happen to have kids together.
What I find both funny and odd at the same time is that because we either a) have been together so long or b) have similar likes/thoughts (or both I suppose) we still routinely find ourselves doing the same thing. Just yesterday my W told my S he was "hot-blooded" and as I walked away and into the dining room I found myself singing "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner. And as I came into the living room there was my W singing the same song and we were at the exact same point...
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Got an email from my L that he had emailed my W's L requesting the Case Information due in November. He stated that her L was waiting for W to provide more information but that it was coming. I wonder if she is having 2nd thoughts. Like I said in my other post, W last night behaved strange. As if she wanted to say something. I don't know if I should have a talk about the D and what are her thoughts. Last time I did, it did not go well but I know that W won't tell me if she is having 2nd thoughts or start that convo. My W fired her 1st L because she had failed to file the same info? This is all so very crazy.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
While I'm new to the process, I think the orthodoxy answer is to let the walk away spouse initiate that conversation if it's going to happen... though perhaps someone wiser than I could suggest a way to break the ice and ease her into that?
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
Rick - I know it's hard not to do, but you should avoid the mind reading. Keep moving forward, working on yourself, one day at a time. I would think if your W wanted to throw up the stop sign, she will do so blatently.
I will keep you in my prayers.
P.S. WHG - I now have some Foreigner song going through head with something about a 103 degree fever in it.
Got an email from my L that he had emailed my W's L requesting the Case Information due in November. He stated that her L was waiting for W to provide more information but that it was coming. I wonder if she is having 2nd thoughts. Like I said in my other post, W last night behaved strange. As if she wanted to say something. I don't know if I should have a talk about the D and what are her thoughts. Last time I did, it did not go well but I know that W won't tell me if she is having 2nd thoughts or start that convo. My W fired her 1st L because she had failed to file the same info? This is all so very crazy.
Rick, I think you know that you should not initiate a R discussion. All you can do is set the stage for your W to initiate if/when she is ready. As others have said, don't mind read because it will make you crazy. But, should a R conversation occur, be prepared to validate and respond calmly and in a loving and supportive way.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
