I would like to start a new topic called mixed signals. I would like to hear what others have experienced in regard to this on a lighter note. You know, those crazy times when you think you are in the twilight zone and your Mler talks or does something that makes you do a double take.
I can start by my most recent mixed signal from my ex. I have been divorced now for 4 years as of today. My ex is still in my life and living with OW. We have 3 children together. I saw ex a couple of weeks ago and he made a point of telling me that he has just now "discovered how hard divorce is". He just found out that a mutual friend of ours is getting divorced and he has decided to "counsel him" on trying to keep the marriage together..... wtf. At the same time, he has not done too much to keep us together.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Inviting me over for X-mas eve to visit with kids and go to church with them... I declined because I felt I would be uncomfortable... W then says she agrees, it probably would be...
ummm... why ask, then...?
Also, while discussing kids visits with me, W says how she's been on an emotional roller coaster from angry, to grieving, to not caring, to completely devastated... I validate and let her know that I'm open to her letting me know this stuff if she ever wants... she tells me that she would NEVER share those personal feelings and thoughts with me...
ummm... you just did...???
Oh, a third... My W has told me very often in the past that she would NOT support me nor my relationship with the kids... then, because of my current financial sitch, she is offering to send me groceries and bring the kids to me for visits, etc...
ummm... I get that the kids miss me... but what about the whole point (boundary) of my R with my kids being my responsibility...?
Oh, and fourth... the whole logistical communication thing... every time we need to discuss something, she wants to get together in person to talk about it, when email is a beautiful thing for this...
ok... I get some people prefer f2f, but... why does "you can have the kids on this day and that day" need to be discussed f2f...?
I have to admit it took me a very very long time to be able to not let the mixed signals make me absolutely crazy. I learned to stop asking questions about them, stop pointing the mixed signals out, as well as all the emotional trauma that comes along with the odditiy of all of this.
It must be so hard to be that confused that your brain states the opposite.
When MLC first started I thought my ex was purposely trying to make me insane, now I don't think that was the case in Most circumstances.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My H was asking me to help OW sell some of her furniture because her H has decided to dump her.
I was trying really hard to listen to him, and not laugh out loud. I asked him a logistical question about how her furniture was going to get to my house. (Really, does she think I'm going to let her bring her furniture over to my house? Really?!?) And then I asked him about how she was going to price it. I mean I was really letting him talk himself through this one.
AND he told me she was so upset she could barely talk or think.
My response: "I can imagine."
So.........
How can he have so much empathy for her and so little for me? He decided it was too much trouble for "US" to sell her furniture and put her stuff in our yard sale..... Good decision.
I still wonder when he will realize she was just trying to move in here?
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Mixed signals? Or WTF moments? Lol, same thing I guess ... I just don't get "mixed" anymore because I have no interest in reconciling. Still funny stuff though ... here's a few ...
early in my sitch, after BD and post OW discovery I started making physical changes, lost weight, dramatically changed my hair, started getting waxed, wearing make-up more often etc. My stbxH commented on the changes one day (we were still in the same house, separate beds and very amicable) and I said "maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis!" He looked at me dead-pan and said "It's not all it's cracked up to be!"
in the summer we went to a family law centre for free mediation to work out a parenting agreement. We got to the point where we were discussing life insurance and custody in the event one parent died and he says that he's going to bequeath his custody and life insurance $ to OW and I'll have to ask her for his half of expenses and give my kids to her 50% of the time. Even the mediator was speechless for a moment.
as this was happening, my stbxH, who is 36 years old, went and got his lip pierced. He is a classic avoider, and aside from a few very candid conversations (which he now forgets) he has taken zero responsibility for his life/choices/decisions etc. A few weeks ago (and we are now separated for a year and a half and he's supposedly happy in his new life with OW in the house they bought etc) he got mad at me for not agreeing to something he wanted when he spewed "you are a self serving control freak with a chip on your shoulder, you aren't fooling anyone! you need to take a look in the mirror and realize that personal growth involves more than changing your hair color!"
I actually lol'd at the first and last ones
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
XW says to me when I ask that we keep our communication in writing.... "what you do not want to hear my sexy voice anymore" - my response - NO that's for your boyfriend.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
My W informed me that she wanted to only communicate by e-mail and only involving info. about our D, unless it is an emergency.
When I texted her about an emergency involving D that was time sensitive, i got the riot act.
Now she texts and calls repeatedly asking if it is ok to talk and leaving messages crying that she misses me. The same day she invited herself over to supper at my landlord's (who I live with now) and proceeded to "scope out my room."
As I dropped off D today, she handed me my Christmas Ornaments (I did not ask for them) and a x-mas present.
I love how they can set "rules" and then not follow them. Every text or message begins with "Hey I know we agreed not to call/text unless it is an emergency, but.....
Just my 3 cents.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
These are priceless and have made my day. We all have to keep reminding ourselves about the massive amount of confusion our Mlc'ers have.
I have one that happened to me right after my divorce. Ex's Christmas present to me that year was a gift bag full of sensual lotions and potions. He put on the card, "Merry Christmas from ex and the kids..... wtf
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Called ex to ask if he could drop S3 off on the way by (he works next to the daycare but we do our own drop off/pick ups now) ... I did the usual "I know it puts you out of your way and it's not your responsibility but since it's a family party we're rushing to, I was hoping you'd be in the Christmas spirit" thing (we had seen each other at lunch time when I picked up the kids stuff so I knew he was in a good mood and was joking with him a bit). He hmmms and haws a bit, then says "Ok, I can ... but it's all you're getting for Christmas!" I lol'd ... again ... and replied "Well ex, it's more than I was expecting!"
Peace!
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
