UPDATE My wife sent me this email in response to her SC trip:
"Thanks so much for the suggestion I think that's an excellent compromise. Just let me know if you are going to fly out Friday evening or Saturday morning and I'll purchase tickets for you and E.
Im glad we were able to work together on this, otherwise I wasn't going to go.
Thanks again, Wife"
Positive, right? Well, I thought so too. Until I inquired from my attorney's office about whether they've made contact with my wife's lawyer, and my attorney said that my wife told her lawyer that she's not planning on taking our son with her, and maybe even not going to SC at all. If I had known of her thoughts, I wouldn't have suggested the 50/50 arrangement, because now I feel like I've enabled my wife to pursue her career and see our son at the same time. Her reality seems pretty rosy right now, at least in my eyes.
The response from your W is a positive. You have to base your decisions on the information you have. I don't think you are enabling her at all. You are demonstrating your willingness to work with her for what is in the best interest of your S.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Doing good, thanks for asking. I agree with what LITB said, you can only act on the information currently available, so dont beat yourself up over it.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I agree with all of you about just not beating myself up over what I perceived to be enabling my wife to keep doing what she's doing. It was all circumstance.
CS, not sure what you mean by bluffing -- about her not going to SC, or about going what she told her lawyer?
Well, whether I was the good guy/father or not, my wife sure didn't lose any time trying to discredit me the past couple of evenings. She still thinks she's the better parent because:
a. Maternal instincts trump paternal ones. b. She's a doctor, therefore she's also a qualified child behaviorist, psychologist, and educationalist. c. She doesn't give chocolate to our son, unlike the rebellious daddy. d. When daddy believes that son is behaving according to and is affected by the "situation", so discredits the idea by saying that our son is three years old.
CS, not sure what you mean by bluffing -- about her not going to SC, or about going what she told her lawyer?
About going to SC. Sounded like she told you she was going to go an take S. But was not prepared to actually doing it.
Quote:
When daddy believes that son is behaving according to and is affected by the "situation", so discredits the idea by saying that our son is three years old.
When daddy believes or when daddy says?
Believing so is your opinion and is fine.
When you tell her this you can guarantee a defensive response.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
UPDATE 8/21/11 My wife sent me this response to arranging for our son's trip:
"Alamo,
Saturday 9/10 sounds excellent. You can go ahead and purchase a round trip ticket for yourself and then a one way for E to Spartanburg. I know Southwest allows for one way tickets. I need to purchase my return flight one way with E of course. Then that will take care of the splitting E's fares. I was also planning to fly back with E a few days later than originally anticipated. My brother Cody is being deployed overseas and I'd like to take E to see him off and meet his new baby cousin if that's alright.
Wife"
Also, I'm not sure what to respond to/proceed with my wife's refusal to pay for her usual monthly items, such as daycare, toll, etc. I'm thinking that I should send her something like "So does that mean you are not going to pay for these things?", but then keep sending her the bills regardless. At the end of the day, the courts might find this information useful.
Thinking out loud here: I have been wondering lately that perhaps in my case it wouldn't be bad idea for me to be the one who pushes for a divorce. After all, my wife probably thinks I am the same old Alamo clinging on to the old marriage, not wanting to let go. I can practice DB/DRing all I want, but in her eyes, if all she sees is me doing all sorts of changes, yet hangs on to this marriage like it was going out of style... tell me I'm crazy...or not crazy.
BTW, still can't decide what to reply to my wife regarding her refusal to pay bills. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
I so feel you here Alamo. I don't know what to say though. Are we crazy or just dedicated and patient? All depends on perspective.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I would say, though, that pushing for divorce would seem more like reverse psychology than a 180. Plus, it probably won't be genuine, so theres a good chance your W will see right through it.
I think if you establish new boundaries and different expectations, it probably creates enough of a "end of the old relationship" feeling that it becomes clear that the times are a changing.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
