UPDATE 2:04pm Well, I'm royally miffed at my wife right now. I had scheduled with her early in the week to call our son today at 4:30p (EST). I tried a couple more time until 4:45p and then I decided to send her the following text message:
"In the future, pls keep me informed if you aren't able to accept my call at the planned time. I'll try again @ 5p (your time) or we'll just reschedule."
I called at 5pm and still no answer.
I hope I wasn't too formal with my message. I want to get my point across that there is a reason why I pre-planned the call. My wife does the opposite; she calls when she wants to or can, without notice.
I'm trying to be the better person here.
you are being the better person here. She's not being considerate and I think you made the point politely but clearly.
Not too formal. MAYBE she has a real reason for mssing the time and you'll cope well with that possibility I'm sure.
but for the sake of discussion assume she blows it off. Or gets mad at YOU.
So, you have to say CALMLY (and keep records of these texts)
that you had made plans and will plan on making plans so she needs to cooperate more
or, is she trying to block/hinder access to your son?
(I doubt it, but you can say it so she gets the underlying message which is that courts frown on her behavior....)
she's just clueless now.
Ironically if you end up divorced for good, when she looks back on it she'll list the original reasons for leaving as the reasons for divorce.
As if they are all permanent flaws that are etched in stone...
Almost wish she had said "Alamo is too fat. He weighs 344 lbs"
and then you could disappoear awhile and fast foward 2 years...and people could see you
and see that you weigh 180 lbs today and
wonder what HER problem was that she couldn't give you a chance to change.
Gasp! Are you a psychic, 25? How did you know I weigh 344lbs? LOL
Thanks for the reassurance regarding the message. I also agree with you that if we divorced, she would definitely cite the same reasons from a year ago. I still have hope, even though she and I are distant birds now.
On a more recent note, I have been feeling like less of a man this past two weeks - my confidence and GALs haven't been the best. I made a decision yesterday that I will step up again, and regain my momentum towards positive changes. Needless to say, today I feel great!
UPDATE After much hoo-haa, I finally got to talk with our son on Sunday. Her phone had died and didn't know it. She apologized ("Sorry sorry! My phone died and didn't realize it."), but that's the reason why I scheduled with her when I would call in the first place -- so she would be READY. I finally got a hold of them on Sunday evening. She had told me that I could call whenever that day, but apparently not. Once again, I tried setting up a time, but all she said was that they might be in an Imax theater. Eventually she called back after I had tried a few times, as well as texted her more time options. Something new she's doing nowadays (whether she calls or I call her phone) - she would immediately pass the phone to our son. Occasionally she would say "Hello?", but never more than that. Not even a bye. That's all done via our son.
On the plus side -- ONE MORE DAY till I see our son! They return today, and I'll be picking him up from daycare tomorrow and it'll be his night with me.
UPDATE 4:10pm I've said this before and I'll say it again -- 1 more day before I see E again!
This evening I thought it would be good to see if my wife was planning on sending our son, E, to daycare tomorrow. This is how the text thread went. Judge as you may:
Me: Hi, are you sending E to Tessie's (daycare) tomorrow? W: No Me: I'll pick E up from your place after work (3:15-3:30), then. W: Ok Me: You might've informed her already, but Tessie has it in her schedule that E returns to school tomorrow. [As of this writing (4:40, about a half hour after my first question), wife has not responded]
In this and the last texting situation, I've tried to show some form of initiative/responsibility, but my wife has reacted coldly. Two things are happening: Either (a) It goes to show how little respect she has for me (coming from years of resentment), or (b) She redrawing because she's not sure what to make of the moves/actions (i.e. being responsible and/or mature...at least I hope I am) I've making.
Yes CS, it's been awhile. Hope you're doing good too.
Regarding your comment (or poke), it was like you were reading my mind. The dry heat HAS been giving my scalp the case of the flakes (which is really rare). How did you know?
All i can say is : for me it took a while before i think my wife recognized my changed behavior. BTW this is just my analysis. But everytime i kept my head high, enjoyed my time with my daughter, kept my word for everything, but at the same time was strict with some boundary issues. For me this was huge 180 because in the past i really let my wife walk all over me.
But as i said it took a while for her to notice. As lot of folks here say it. Time is on your side. As they, become a 'man's man' and give some time. As 25 said, women do respect a man who takes charge. Things will change.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I believe time will indeed tell. Nonetheless, I am having a harder and harder time respecting my wife because of all the nonsense she's pulling regarding our son and other things. If I haven't said it enough before, I'll say it again -- our son is more affected by this whole trauma than his mom or anyone blinded by hate and/or misinformation, and yet, my wife's actions (if you just read a few posts up) speak of entitlement, selfishness, justice and revenge (in a subtle sense).
You would think that spending two weeks with the parent he spends the most time with would normalize the frequency of our son's nightmares, right? Well, last night he had, at least, 3. My poor little boy.
I really want to balance out his life more with as close to 50:50 between me and mom, but she STILL will have none of it. My lawyer has asked me to consider getting her into an out-of-court mediation, but the way she's been blowing off my suggestions...well, you can probably guess how she might respond to that. Still, I will not give up or give in. I will keep asking her nicely and the more she says no, the more these "No"s will work against her in court.
UPDATE 6pm One word: Petty. Why is my wife behaving so petty that it borders on childish?
Case in point: My wife thinks I'm out to keep our son's good things like toys, stroller, clothes and so at my place. Today our son wore a new CARS t-shirt (that I'm guessing her parents bought) to daycare. When I picked him up from there, he was wearing one of his backup shirts; the provider said it got messy so she had to change it out. Usual stuff, right? When my wife comes to pick our son up from my place, the first thing she notices is, you guessed it, the shirt. "What happened to his shirt?" I've changed his shirt many a times in the past either from getting it wet playing with water or something, and never received a peep out of my wife. What's her deal this past two days ever since she got back?
I don't want to give you too much of a hard time, but in your last 2 post.....your focus has completely been on your W. She going to do what she does and there isn't a thing you can do about it.
How are you man? How's work? Have you done anything cool with your S?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I don't want to give you too much of a hard time, but in your last 2 post.....your focus has completely been on your W. She going to do what she does and there isn't a thing you can do about it.
How are you man? How's work? Have you done anything cool with your S?
I'm doing well, LITB. Work has been slammin' busy. It was humbling to find out on Friday that I was nominated for two awards at work. That's a good thing, right?
Our son just came back from SC/TN and it was awesome seeing and being with him. Remind me not to ever let this happen again.
It actually seemed like he missed me, considering that he asks for mom when he's down or sad. His nightmares are still pretty frequent (thrice on Wednesday night), which I thought spending two weeks with (according to mom) his preferred/rightful parent would've quelled. Goes to show something, doesn't it?
My last few posts might be centered around my wife... well, there's a reason to this madness. I've been juggling some tough legal questions lately (also in my last few posts) and her recent behavior just pushes me towards the 'dark side', even though that's not what I want, e.g. I think ill of her, I get mad, I get disappointed with her actions, etc.
All said, thanks for checking in, LITB. Hope you're doing fine today.
