Marathon continues. Where we going, anyway?

[jbnati]

I have once again exceeded 100 posts in my old thread, so I'm starting a new thread.

Here are the links to the old threads:
Continuous Confusion
Trying to love my WAW from a distance
Trying to love my WAW from a distance II
Trying to love my WAW from a distance III
It's a marathon, but where are the mile markers?
Still in the marathon - am I going the right way?
Marathon continues. It is me or is it all uphill?
Where is this marathon leading me anyway?
Still in the marathon - did I miss a turn?

This has truly turned out to be a marathon. I thought it was a sprint when I first started out. This has definitely turned out to be an opportunity for personal growth. When I first started all this, my primary focus was to save my M. While I still really want to save my M, I am striving to become my best possible self. I have done a lot of new things over the last few months. I have met a ton of new people. Great people. Some of these people I know by their screen name on this message board, and others I know by face. I have drawn closer to God.

If you're new to this, I hope that inspires you. Strive to thrive, not just survive. Also, you may have more time than you realize. Make time your friend. When I first started out, I felt like I was trying to beat the clock. My W had this on full fast forward. 7 months after the bomb, I'm still standing and still fighting.

[jbnati]

I completed my second bike ride yesterday under the cover of darkness. Went out for 8.8 mi. ride. I enjoy the serenity at nighttime. It's a little bit crazy though.

I didn't mention earlier that during the conversation with my W, I was able to mention having all those kids over at my house on Sunday night and again on Monday night. A neighbor stopped by, too, when we were out in the driveway. He corroborated my story and even used the term "party central". I slipped him a $20 bill after my W left (Just kidding!) Hmmm...what my W always wanted, but the place she left. She's also noticed how well the dog's been behaving - the dog she really wanted, but later wanted to get rid of (walking away from problems again), but I encouraged her to keep because I saw the potential. Guess that's the way it goes sometimes.

[a girl]

Hey, JB. You seem to be doing really well, but I imagine there's still some internal stuff going on.

Good for you, though, for all the GAL activites. Sounds awesome.

[Redo]

8.8miles in the night?? Wow, that is crazy. I try to do mine early morning sometimes just so i can get away from the bad texas heat

One thing i really like about your sitch is how you always talk about your GAL activities. I guess the more we enjoy our own life it does become better. Hope our spouses see that and realize what they have thrown out.

Cheers man!

[Telemark]

jb, you are truly an inspiration. In all seriousness, you are a shining example of a Godly man, an awesome father and a good friend.

I know the tug at your heart when you are told that your W is nuts for doing what she is doing. We want so much for our WAW's to see, to understand, to feel down to their screwed-up cores just what they are giving up, for...what? I have not read one story on this board that has indicated any justification for the spouse to leave. Everyone you and I have "met" on this board is a stand-up person that does not deserve the crapstorm they are being put through.

Everyone here has been advising me to be patient, patient, patient and I have taken that as my new mantra. I am slowly letting my W drift away mentally and emotionally. That's what I pass on to you.

Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Your W may be blind, but your son is going to remember everything about this, and his memories of how you handled things will be all good.

Feeling unusually supportive today.

That is all. Carry on.

[jbnati]

Hey, JB. You seem to be doing really well, but I imagine there's still some internal stuff going on.

AG, thanks for dropping by.

Yeah, there's plenty of internal stuff going on, including but not limited to:
- I still feel like I am losing my best friend
- My family is being destroyed
- There a daily underlying anxiety around the D paperwork showing up
- I am sickened by the way my W will justify what she's doing in terms of the impact on my S. My parents D'd and hers did not.
- I have days and times where I am very sad - I really miss my W
- I have times where I am very concerned about my W. She tends to bury her feelings. She has also been on AD, albeit a very low dosage for a few years now.
- There is the financial burden, too. I am currently helping my W out with rent on her apartment.

The way I've chosen to respond has been:
- First and foremost, I am turning to God.
- GAL, GAL, and GAL some more
- Turn to healthy activities to GAL, e.g. I am doing a lot of activities to GAL with my church
- Doing GAL activites outside of my comfort zone and get out and meet people
- I have slightly increased my exercise program
- I have created a pretty good routine for my S to create the more stable environment.
- When I have my S, I try to gear the GAL activities toward him. I am getting him to try new things occasionally, too.
- Try to maintain an upbeat and positive attitude as much as possible. I don't limit it to when I'm with my W. The more I can do this, the better I feel.

All the above helps. I do try to take a step back every few days or so just to make sure I am doing all I can and should be doing as a DB'er.

The whole situation has caused me to re-examine my life once again. I have re-oriented my goals toward becoming my best possible self. I am trying more and more to concentrate on what's really important in life.

I'll bet you didn't expect a long winded response like that! Thanks, AG, you made me think this morning.

[jbnati]

8.8miles in the night?? Wow, that is crazy. I try to do mine early morning sometimes just so i can get away from the bad texas heat

Thanks for dropping by, MK. Yeah, I used to ride in the wee hours of the morning, like around 5:30 or 6:00. I'm a night owl anyway, and it's not like I am taking away from family time now.

One thing i really like about your sitch is how you always talk about your GAL activities. I guess the more we enjoy our own life it does become better. Hope our spouses see that and realize what they have thrown out.

Thanks for that, MK. I think posting about them actually helps me see the things that are going right in my life. You are right - the more enjoy life it DOES become better. Also, how much were you thinking about your situation when you jumped out of that plane? Yes, we do hope our spouses see that and do see what they're missing. If they don't, though, someone else will and besides, our quality of life is ultimately better.

[jbnati]

Telemark, thanks as always. I always look forward to reading your posts. They are chock full 'o wisdom.

Everyone you and I have "met" on this board is a stand-up person that does not deserve the crapstorm they are being put through.

I agree with you 300%!

[Telemark]

"I am currently helping my W out with rent on her apartment."

Why?

[jbnati]

Short interaction with my W and S this morning. I was running late for work. This has been pretty typical for me. We're on flex time, so it really doesn't matter too much, just as long as I keep it reasonable. Besides, when I'm up late, it just kind of cascades. I really do need to establish a better routine for myself.

My W and S stop by the house. My S is ticked. He is upset with my W because she didn't get him to the bus stop in time. It seems like this happens at least 50% of the time. It's somewhat understandable - she has drive 15-20 minutes to get him there, but it is the result of her decision to move where she did. She's really not holding up her end of the bargain. Right now, it's her responsiblity 2 days/week and mine 3 days/week. Oh well, I guess I can just hold my end of the bargain, that's all I can do.