so she wanted me to pretty much grab kids and go again tonight. this has been a theme for a while. different excuses usually. i said that was find, and for the most part did just that.
kids say things that cut without trying. i guess baby daddy was over to hang out with them a few times. i didnt ask to know, i kind of dont want to cause it just causes conflict, but when she doesnt tell me it goes back to feeling like she is hiding things.
i was not allowed to have a night out this week, her family thought i was pushing too hard for a night without kids and jumped to the conclusion that i was sleeping with someone. i guess its still to be expected, but before she lost the house i had 3 nights week without kids. so for that to be the reason why i cant go out now seems silly?
What? She sounds silly? Um reality check. YOU sound Like a 15 y/o boy. You are a FATHER to 3 kids. Not a part time uncle or a single dude. I know exactly 0 men with kids, who go out 3 nights a week.
I don't even know ANY married men with NO kids- who go out that much. It's about time you stayed home. Ever wonder why your w was lonely? Stop whining.
we parted on good terms, she seemed happy and we joked around a bit, i thought it was in good fun and she sounded like she was going to text me later.
no text yet. ah well. SIGH...stop the expectations.
got the kids in bed and playing around on the computer a little, making some cd's from my itunes so i can play some music tomorrow and work in the garage.
going to my families house for lunch dinner so that should be fun, and have the next 4 days off. i have nothing planned with my wife, and asked her if she would like to do something with me and she already started tossing excuses at me, so i kind of let it go. not as nicely as i wanted to, so im sure she thought i was mad about it &weren't you mad? You sound mad here. You "kind of let it go"...given your past, don't you think you ought to just -LET- IT- GO?
so all in all a good day. yeah bothered a bit by baby daddy being around, and never really making or wanting to do anything with me, but its getting easier to not worry about it. not perfect yet and things still hurt and sting, but for the most part im trying to act like she is gone at this point, which is sad. but of my own doing.
Keep doing your own work. When you focus your energy on what she is doing, or not doing or what you THINK she is doing or not doing...
you steal that energy from where it belongs, which is working on YOUR CHANGES... [color:#FF0000] Your consistent changes + time = Her believing in the changes. [/color]
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
what's with saying "before SHE lost the house"...?
Were you part of that financial scheme or not?
Were you working? Earning much money? Paying bills with it, or going out 3 nights a week?
Why is it solely due to HER?
If you do reconcile, lose the concept of married parents going out on their own, more than one DATE with each other...per week.
Sheesh...enough of the college antics. It got you in trouble. Learn from it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
we split the kids 50/50 so what i meant was before the kids were staying in the house, i had 3 nights week without kids. i didnt go out, usually i would watch a movie or study or sleep.
as far as the house, it should read more this way ' before the house was lost, she... '
i tried to keep the house, didnt work out with just my income and 2 houses to support with the kids 50% of the time.
still have not heard from her. all i can do is act as if when she does contact me, and not ask R questions or OM questions. i cant pick up the rope, no more tug of war.
trying to preload some thoughts for after work tonight. found a list the 25 had put in someone elses thread about all the rules, 37 of them. reading that a few times before tonight.
i have not heard from my wife since thurs night, usually tonight i pick up my kids after work, so i may or may not see her, she might tell me to get them from her mom and not be there.
i need to buckle down for the worst but not let it show. i may have already pushed her back into the OM arm's, or she might just need space and time away from me to think things over. assuming anything never is good, so i need to be able to be calm, and happy and not bring up any relationship talk, or ask her what she has been doing the last 2 days, nothing. just be happy to see my kids and to have the next few days with them.
to have no expectation that she will want to talk to or see me on my days off. and love her still no matter what. to stop putting conditions on my love i give to her. i want her to be happy.
time to re-read list! need to have it committed to memory!
i know not a lot of people are on right now, need advice quickly...
wife texted 'kids are at moms house'
so she is not going to be there...
last time we were cold and not talking she ended up with the OM. i dont want her to think im being cold again, but i dont know how to respond with a text telling her so...
was thinking something along the lines of...
""ok. im not done im not giving up, i know you need your time and space away from me right now. enjoy you evening. ""
enough? too much? am i stressing too much about OM and its not going to matter what i say?
the last time we didnt talk for a week and did these sorts of things... she ended up with him. so wanted to kind of convey im still trying i guess. lol ah well. ill send it worry about myself, she is going to do what she needs to do to make her happy. and i will enjoy an evening with my kids!
You can't hold yourself accountable for her decisions.
I'm sure she knows you are trying - and I'm sure a part of her appreciates that - so just keep moving forward and with your choices and actions show her that not only are you trying, you are doing.
Like that Yoda quote: "Do or Do Not, there is no Try"
Take care of yourself, love your kids, and keep growing.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
