Wife of 6-Years is Divorcing Me pt.V

[LITB]

BTW, still can't decide what to reply to my wife regarding her refusal to pay bills. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Well there are 2 ways to look at this issue that I can think of.

1) From a legal standpoint, she should be responsible to cover her half of everything to do with your S. May I ask if it is a significant amount and for how long does she think you should cover these expenses?

2) From a DB'ing standpoint, it appears to me that your W believes it to be more of the same from you. "Typical Alamo taking advantage of me".

So how do you reply to her email to protect yourself legally and continue to demonstrate that you are different? Hmmmm, a bit challenging, however possible.

Maybe something along these lines:

"W,

I understand and respect where you are coming from and if I had to do certain things all over again, I would do them differently.(25's thunder)

Unfortunately, I cannot cover the tolls and daycare in their entirety at this time. I would be grateful to you if we can resolve this issue amicably.

Alamo"

I am sure others can help tweak this. Hopefully this will at least get you started.

[alamo76]

Sorry I haven't logged here in awhile. It's been awesome having our son since my wife left for SC. Been staying busy and involved as much as I can.

LITB, my wife's share of monthly charges (that pertain to our son) is about $400. In her letter she stated that I "owe" her $4k+. If I knew there was a clause/fine print for her loans in A MARRIAGE, I wouldn't have agreed to her loans or married her in the first place. Just sayin'.

My thought about my response letter is I will keep sending her the monthly bills. The next one will include the letter which I'm still drafting. Not sure how to properly phrase it. LITB's version has some promise, after some tweaking, but I'll still up for suggestions.

[♪CS♪]

alamo,

One thing that worries me is that you have continued to resist setting up a clear and defined financial plan with your W. By the looks of this. It would most definitely take a L involved. The "loan" thing will not hold up.

I sense you resist from fear of causing problems.

But this informal plan is doing nothing but causing problems.

Especially considering your past, and your W's resentment of you regarding finances.

[alamo76]

alamo,

One thing that worries me is that you have continued to resist setting up a clear and defined financial plan with your W. By the looks of this. It would most definitely take a L involved. The "loan" thing will not hold up.

I sense you resist from fear of causing problems.

But this informal plan is doing nothing but causing problems.

Especially considering your past, and your W's resentment of you regarding finances.

You're right that I may need the lawyer's involvement in this. Just like our parenting plan, which she refused to sign, our financial plan cannot be readily solved by an informal agreement. Besides touching bases with my lawyer, this is what I might end up writing my wife (unless the lawyer has other suggestions):

"Wife, I see your concern on the payment issue. I gather that you do not want to pay any more monthly bills, especially those pertaining to E. To that I'd like it if we can sit down some time to figure a more amicable solution.
Alamo"

[alamo76]

Sorry guys, my updates lately have been sporadic at best. I had the opportunity to spend two quality weeks with our son while mom is away in Greenville, South Carolina. My priorities temporarily shifted to him and it was a blast! We spent a lot of time chilling, playing, helping at a massive car show, camping - quite a lot of firsts for him.

Handing him over was emotionally draining, to say the least. While my wife was pleasant during this time (she better have been since I flew our son there), she behaved and talked like a stranger from outer space or something; she went through the motions just as any separated/divorced spouse does. It's so hard to stay focused on the DB/DR plan when your wife's eyes are glazed-over whenever she looks at you.

Nevertheless, it's 15 days until I see him again!

[alamo76]

UPDATE 6am
Well, the cat is out of the bag - I emailed my wife the following:

"Wife,
Regarding your last message, I understand and respect where you are coming from and if I had to do certain things all over again, I would do them differently. I included this latest bill for your reference, and to that (as well as a parenting plan for Ezra) I'd like it if we can sit down sometime to figure a more amicable solution for both.
Alamo"

Other updates:
1. During the lead-up to my wife wanting to take our son with her to SC for the entire month, I found out during the emergency visit with my lawyer that my wife was NOT represented anymore. However, a couple of days after I got my lawyer to contact her (basically to inform her of the Automatic Child Retraining Order), my wife obtained a new lawyer. Wonder why she decided to drop the previous counselor...
2. I miss our son deeply. Counting down the days - 8 days to go!
3. In the meantime, I have been keeping busy with work (don't worry, I'm not turning into a workaholic), cleaning the house, going to garage sales, being a judge at a 300+ car show (awesome fun!), catching up on some movies, yadda yadda yadda.

I want to thank all of you for your support and prayers, and humbly ask that you keep them going. This forum, the people, and especially DB/DR have all been a great resource and help in this topsy-turvy ride.

[25yearsmlc]

will do Alamo, will do.

(((( ))))

[alamo76]

UPDATE 1:30pm
Just as I thought (and my lawyer predicted), my attempt to communicate with my wife via email fell on deaf ears, at least for now. My lawyer had told me that if I am serious about our son's welfare, I should first consider trying to convince my wife to go to external mediation, and even then my lawyer is feeling pretty doubtful my wife will go with it, considering how she's been shrugging/ignoring things.

At least, she and our son will be returning on Tuesday. I'm so excited to see him on Wednesday!

BTW, where are people like MYKARMA and such?

[alamo76]

UPDATE 2:04pm
Well, I'm royally miffed at my wife right now. I had scheduled with her early in the week to call our son today at 4:30p (EST). I tried a couple more time until 4:45p and then I decided to send her the following text message:

"In the future, pls keep me informed if you aren't able to accept my call at the planned time. I'll try again @ 5p (your time) or we'll just reschedule."

I called at 5pm and still no answer.

I hope I wasn't too formal with my message. I want to get my point across that there is a reason why I pre-planned the call. My wife does the opposite; she calls when she wants to or can, without notice.

I'm trying to be the better person here.

[25yearsmlc]

UPDATE 2:04pm
Well, I'm royally miffed at my wife right now. I had scheduled with her early in the week to call our son today at 4:30p (EST). I tried a couple more time until 4:45p and then I decided to send her the following text message:

"In the future, pls keep me informed if you aren't able to accept my call at the planned time. I'll try again @ 5p (your time) or we'll just reschedule."

I called at 5pm and still no answer.

I hope I wasn't too formal with my message. I want to get my point across that there is a reason why I pre-planned the call. My wife does the opposite; she calls when she wants to or can, without notice.

I'm trying to be the better person here.

you are being the better person here. She's not being considerate and I think you made the point politely but clearly.

Not too formal. MAYBE she has a real reason for mssing the time and you'll cope well with that possibility I'm sure.


but for the sake of discussion assume she blows it off. Or gets mad at YOU.

So, you have to say CALMLY (and keep records of these texts)

that you had made plans and will plan on making plans so she needs to cooperate more


or, is she trying to block/hinder access to your son?

(I doubt it, but you can say it so she gets the underlying message which is that courts frown on her behavior....)

she's just clueless now.

Ironically if you end up divorced for good, when she looks back on it she'll list the original reasons for leaving as the reasons for divorce.

As if they are all permanent flaws that are etched in stone...

Almost wish she had said "Alamo is too fat. He weighs 344 lbs"

and then you could disappoear awhile and fast foward 2 years...and people could see you

and see that you weigh 180 lbs today and

wonder what HER problem was that she couldn't give you a chance to change.


((( )))