This is JMO of course, but I don't think dating is in your best interest right now. Your hurting, your upset, and your angry. Just really think about it.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
My name is Cindy / sunny. I know you don't know me as I have only posted a few times on various threads. I have been following your situation from the start ok...( lurking )
Just a short update on my marriage to let you know where I'm coming from.....Both of us are 55 years old, high school sweethearts, been married for almost 28 together 40, with no kids.....So its been him and I for years.
I phsically left my husband in 2007 WAW.......I emotionally left my husband in the fall of 2006...I packed for 6 months under the disguise of cleaning the attic and clutter from the house. He didn't notice or show any concern, Why would he ...He didn't think anything was wrong with our marriage..except the constant bitter fighting, the lack of communication, we had stopped going anywhere together, the lack of sex, my crying bouts, etc..........I really didnt have any hard or fixed plans as to what i was going to do...but i knew in my gut that it was going to happen. All the put downs, his TEMPER, his controlling ways over money, and his snide remarks just felt like the world was sitting on my shoulders......and man I was feeling it. I knew that dam was gonna break....
Denver,... It took everything in my soul to walk out of that home of 24 years, to leave a person that once was my best friend, to leave the dreams that we had for our future....but one last argument that went a little like this IF YOUR SO DAMNED UNHAPPY THEN GET THE F OUT, LEAVE, YOUR NO GOOD TO ME ANY MORE ANYWAY....BIOTCH YA NEVER F ME, U DONT LOVE ME SO HIT THE ROAD...........
Sooo......anyway I hit the road that very morning...half WAW/ half LBW......I landed in what i thought was a safe place, remember the temper, I was literally afraid for my life at a few points.
The point I'm trying to make is that i feel your wifes pain, I feel it to the core. I know sorry folks but I do. EXCEPT....one big exception there was never an OM....( altho there could have been one but I would not cross that boundary ) I knew that if I did our marriage was done on both our parts. We were apart for about 6 months, and neither one of us were unfaithful ( Altho honestly if I had felt love from someone else at this time I know I would have went with it ) Remember......as a WAW We were done months, months, and sometimes years before we left. I read where your wife said the very words that i was thinking at the time I left. " It's really none of your business what I do now "
I dont want to make this too long, I know your feeling really exhausted, frustrated, etc.... but i want to make one more point..........
Your question......." How does she see me in a new light if we are not talking or seeing one another ? " IMHO You guys have wayyyy too much contact..My husband went dark on me ( didnt know a thing about DBting ) He GAVE ME MY SPACE, he was cool calm and collected when we did have to have conversations....we have 2 businesses together .....other than that .....things were quiet, I did alot of personal searching, alot of alone time, and got some much need time away from him. She will see you in a different light just by stopping the pursueing...........Give her time...she said she had made a decision.....I believe it might have been in favor of your marriage...You won't know at this time which way she was going..but thats OK. Detach lovingly.
Too make a very long story short......... Those first two weeks to two months We had drag out drag down arguments.which to me makes your last interaction pretty mellow.
We got past that, put the divorce ( that HE INITIATED, on hold, dropped the divorce after I was home 5 months and are still a work in progress.
You talk about dating / another relationship / because your boundaries are being broken and this is something you can not tolerate......From Her... please think about this really hard Two wrongs don't make a right...( hubby's fav. saying ) Yes and I can say hubby after all these years, I fell in love with him all over again, and again, and again, after all these years.
I'm wishing you the very best, Your a very intelligent young man and U will make your own choices, Just be sure you can live with the choices U make. Hugs.....Cindy
thanks Starsky. I don't see that I have any other choice now.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
W texted me during her lunch break today at around noon...
W: "Please leave my mail in the mailbox. I will pick it up when I can. I would also like to take the pool key for the summer. If you need one also, then we need to buy one from the HOA. You have all their information so I will let you contact them. Let me know where the key will be for me to pick up. Thx."
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I did not respond. Why my W needed to text this to me today and during her lunch break I have no idea. I guess she's making a point. Whatever.
BITS Denver
First, good job on not responding.
Second, it's probably going to get worse and more frequent. Hold your ground. You can see it coming now. Test after Test.
W texted me during her lunch break today at around noon...
W: "Please leave my mail in the mailbox. I will pick it up when I can. I would also like to take the pool key for the summer. If you need one also, then we need to buy one from the HOA. You have all their information so I will let you contact them. Let me know where the key will be for me to pick up. Thx."
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I did not respond. Why my W needed to text this to me today and during her lunch break I have no idea. I guess she's making a point. Whatever.
BITS Denver
First, good job on not responding.
Second, it's probably going to get worse and more frequent. Hold your ground. You can see it coming now. Test after Test.
Yep. Count on it. She will swing wildly from one extreme to the other, too, first trying "nice," then bile, then guilt and then back again. Eventually, Denver, don't be surprised if (assuming you don't respond to any of the above, and you shouldn't) she even tries sex.
Please do not overlook gucci's post. Best advice in this thread so far.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I am going to be honest and say that I am thinking about dating at this time. I am curious what others think of that idea??
I'm going to be honest with you, once my W found out I was dating, it really made her think about her decision. I remember our mutual friend(MF) talking to her and mentioned I was dating someone. MF said my W turned red, and got silent. Two minutes later she blurts out "All I needed was time!"
Like they say, don't believe anything the WAW says.
So in my case, my choice to start dating definitely had an impact on my WAW.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
And let me add. When she was faced with legal and financial pressure she had second thoughts too.
I think that's why it's important to accept their decision, drop the rope and move on with your life.
She is now facing D-Day. She will be removed from the mortgage at the end of the month. All her things are packed up in the garage and she has until the end of June to pick them up or I will disspose of her stuff as I see fit. I'm not being a jerk to her. I have my boundaries in place and I am enforcing them.
Boundaries without enforcement are meaningless.
I think reality is setting in on her once again.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
