Take another look at the word "surrender". It's an amazing word, and it can set you free. In much the same way that forgiveness can.
Surrender is not "giving up" hope. It's "giving in" to circumstances that are beyond our control and accepting them as part of our reality.
Surrender opens up huge possibilities. Actually, surrendering is the bridge to detachment and forgiveness, as far as I'm concerned.
And that opens the door to be completely free to do as you please. I can give you a bit of a spoiler here. "What you please" will be different then, compared to what you think it is now. So best I can say is... don't worry about it.
I think it's something you will remember from the last time. It's just maybe difficult to find your way back there to that place, once again.
Got an email from H today initiating talks about something not related to R, D or logistics! He saw that one of our favorite chain restaurants was opening in Seattle. When we moved out here it was something we really missed having and there were none west of the Mississippi at that time (Potbelly's). Looks like he's eager for that person he used to know and share things with. I'm not actually going to respond.
Tonight I was out with a guy friend at a party/ billiards tournament at a local brewpub. I met a lot of new people and had a good time, good conversation, good beer and good food. Afterwards we went to one of his local hangout dive bars and talked with some of the people he knows there and played foosball. He walked me back to my car and everything. It started to feel a little bit like a date sometimes but it wasn't. So weird.
Calystra - Try not to get too excited about reaching that baby step goal. I reached lots of them, got all excited and look where I am today. Sometimes, the things that mean so much to us, mean nothing to our partners. He could have been missing you at that moment, but it doesn't mean he was missing you the other 99% percent of the day.
I'm not trying to be negative, just trying to warn you against reading too much into his actions. Great to hear you are staying busy and having fun.
I'm happy about it for quite a few reasons. The main reason is that I did something that worked. One other reason is that he's starting to get to a place where he can think clearly and relax now. We couldn't make progress until he started reaching this point.
I'm cautiously optimistic.
Now to think about my next baby step goal and how to get there.
Nothing new for a couple of days now - no contact and I've been too tired to do much of anything. Plus no meetup groups have had much interesting going on and my friends are busy. My PMA is at a good level now though and I'm happier.
Regarding the email from Sunday... I'm second guessing my initial decision to not reply at all. I don't want to come across as cold or ignoring him since I know that is something that does NOT work. However, I'm not sure what to say back right now.
In those cases, I usually just wait a couple days now, then give a simple response. In your case it might be something like, "Cool. I will have to check it out once it opens." Or something else that validates his excitement and anticipation.
You aren't "waiting on his conversation", but you aren't denying he contacted you (or worse), either. Something my W does to me all the time, by not responding.
Consider what could have happened had I ignored my W last Thursday. I may have missed an opportunity to have my D8 this weekend. I can't thank my friend enough for convincing me to respond. And had I jumped at the chance to talk to my W, could have ruined my whole evening.
I'd say you're within the statutes of limitations to still respond back without looking desperate for that time of interaction with your H, and still appearing sincere in acknowledging his existence and excitement. And then... be consistent with future dialogues...
Film festival Friday night. Saturday hiking. At some point karaoke in a Japanese-stype Karaoke place. Still need more, it's a long weekend!
H is going camping with his friends, picked up his stuff tonight. I made sure the house was pretty clean and I was in a good mood. Treated him nicely but our discussion didn't really consist more of hi, a couple questions and bye. So frustrating.
Friday night I couldn't get tickets so I saw the Hangover 2 with a friend. Saturday morning I had a really bad sore throat so yesterday and today I've been too sick to do much of anything. Everyone wanted to go out tonight but I think I'm still too under-the-weather for that.
In this sitch, I saw that slight movement with H's mindset about a week ago but nothing since. I guess I wait and see and heal up in the meantime - so I can get back to my activities and a job search. Still haven't heard anything on that front either.
I would have liked to go camping.