I just know it makes him feel more at ease when he can find his clothes and things more easily (ie laundry is put away etc) and it totally bugs him not to have a clock in the shower area (he actually asked me to get a clock in our master bath for a while).
I'm not doing his laundry, I was just separating out laundry that he actually did while I was gone. It was just a big mixed pile.
But you're right. It's an invasion of what little privacy he has and probably pursuit at this point. I'll stop doing things like this.
Calystra, I did the same thing when my W set up in the spare bedroom. I made her bed everyday, set her clothes out for her, cleaned the room, and put items in there I thought she would like.
It backfired, even though I had the best of intentions. My W told me she hated our house and was so uncomfortable there. We learn from our mistakes.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Thanks islander, hopefully I can stop this fast enough to do some good here. I don't think I can make this house comfortable for him right now no matter what I do because of the sitch. So I'll just keep up with the GAL bit, keep talking to the coach and give it all some time.
Calystra - I think we often make the mistake of not realizing that the one thing we have is time. I have often made mistakes by setting time goals and then showing frustration when things didn't go according to MY agenda. The patience thing is so tough to master, but we really do have time right up until the day it's officially over. So...do exactly what you said. Give it some time.
Well time in my case is a double-edged sword. The longer I take, the more I'm probably going to tick him off. I guess we see. I need to make the right decisions for me and that's going to take time to figure out. I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now and that decision changes every day so I'd like to achieve some stability before I go moving 2000 miles across the country.
Bunch of people backed out on that meetup tonight and it was only going to be me and the organizer so I felt a little weird about it. So I backed out too but I'll just make sure to leave the house and go do something for a while anyways.
I'm heading out the driveway and meet H who walks home from work. He waves. I wave. He hesitates like he's going to talk to me so I unlock the door. Now I told him yesterday that I needed the car tonight and he said that was ok, he would just use his bike.
He asks me how long I'm going to be and I said 'I don't know'. He says well he doesn't think he should need the car, he guesses he can just bike. I said ok well we can try to work something out if he wants. He says no, he'll just bike. Then he asks where I'm going. I said to a meetup group. He says oh ok, you said you had some kind of appointment (that is what I said yesterday). Then I left.
Interesting interaction to say the least. I come home and it looks like he never even left to go meet his friends. Hmm. Ok.
I came home and changed, then got on my computer and turned on the TV. About 40 minutes later he comes down from his room and announces that he's going to go read somewhere. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut so he could make his own mistakes but I remind him it's 10pm at night and most things are closed. He goes to look up a place on yelp and finds a pub instead and is going there to listen to live music I guess.
Sounds positive to me. I hope you'll keep your focus on you and work on being a better, more interesting person just for yourself. It's just a bonus, I think, that he seems interested in your growth too.
I bet you'll be surprised at how quickly he becomes 'more comfortable' around the house the more he wonders what you are getting up too next.
