Saints are sinners who kept on going

[ninelives]

Hope things go well for you this week 2step. You must be on pins and needles but stay true to your word.

you will be ok one way or another.

I am a little concerned she may come back for the wrong reasons.
SECURITY.

Hope she comes back cause she missed you and loves you.

9

[2stepboogie]

Guys and gals as you can imagine I have been extremely busy this week. I will be meeting with her sometime tonight. I was suppose to meet with her earlier but when she called I was busy and did not call her back for an hour. She got stuck babysitting because she did not think I would call her back. So now she is waiting on her sister to pick up her niece before I head out. Now I am about to eat dinner. Without all of you I would have never made it this far.

The convo when I finally called her back went like this

M: Hey was up you called

W: yeah i called you when i got off work and texted you but you did not answer. Did not know if you would be free tonight or not so now I am stuck babysitting for now.

M: Well you want to get some dinner or no

W: Well I was hungry so I am eating now. You sound disappointed

M: Nah I am good

W: If it is too late for you we can hang out tomorrow night instead of tonight

M: Up to you does not really matter either way is fine

W: Trying to figure you out

M: LOL Why? I am not that hard. I am not an alien.

W: Yeah you kind are. At least now you are

M: Well am I like the aliens from the movie Cacoon who are nice and friendly or the ones from the scary movie Alien?

W: I don't know yet still trying to figure it out

M: Well I think I am the friendly ones

W: It is like putting a puzzle together

M: LOL well you like puzzles so this should be fun for you.

W: I like the 10 piece puzzles not the 2000 piece puzzles

M: I am like the 7-10 age group puzzles so it should be pretty easy for you.

W: Yeah I am still thinking. Niece is spending time with me so I will call you when she leaves.

M: Ok cool.

I just got a text from her

W: Sister called she is gonna be a little late.

M: Ok your call I'm good either way. I would like to see u but totally up to you

W: Ok I'll let u know.... U can't stay the night tho

M: LOL I'm not that cheap of a date

W: Yes you are LOL

M: I Have self control!! Do You??

W: Yes

M: Booo

[Denver_2010]

Very nice 2Step... very nice.

BITS
Denver

[♪CS♪]

Work it!

[Redo]

2Step : I am looking to you to get some tips on how to court my wife once the divorce is finalized.

I could be wrong here, but i would have been less friendly than you are. I'd do that so that (1) my wife would know that what she did(divorce) was wrong and (2) So that she knows that i am no longer a puppy dog for her and (3)This time around, make her follow me.

I am trying to understand, is there a reason why you are making yourself so available to her? Is it because it was the other way around before?

[2stepboogie]

2Step : I am looking to you to get some tips on how to court my wife once the divorce is finalized.

I could be wrong here, but i would have been less friendly than you are. I'd do that so that (1) my wife would know that what she did(divorce) was wrong and (2) So that she knows that i am no longer a puppy dog for her and (3)This time around, make her follow me.

I am trying to understand, is there a reason why you are making yourself so available to her? Is it because it was the other way around before?

Karma I am on my way to meet my XW in a little bit but wanted to take a moment to answer your question.

For a long time my XW felt unimportant, not listened to, ignored, like she did not matter, like I could hit the delete button at anytime regarding her and her emotions, and like I took advantage of her kindness by being mean.

Of course none of those things were my intentions I loved her the best way I knew how, but it was not the way she needed.

To turn a cold shoulder, to ignore her call, to be mean will only reinforce her opinion of me.

I make myself available because that is who I have become.

I do care

I do love her still

I do want to comfort if I can

What changed?

I did.

I am OK now and last night I decided not to go see her like we had planned. I was not playing hard to get and I was not doing some secret DB trick. She was upset and I will get into that at a later date because I am short on time. Point I decided not to go because I did not need to go. Two months ago I would never had made that decision. I would have gone and I would have seen her. Yesterday I decided against it.

At this point I am already divorced I am not trying to court my XW back to me. I am not trying to sweep her off her feet. I will get on my plane tomorrow go back to Jersey and move on with my life.

I will always love her. I will always have a special place in my heart for her.

I will not wait.

I will not chase.

I will not beg.

She will travel this journey alone the same as I have. I have been lucky, I have you guys. I hope and pray she finds the same type of support.

I have done all I can do. NOT for her but for myself.

I know what I have become. I know what I am worth.

I also know she is worth it, at least to me. She was a better wife than I was a H at times but we all have to choose what is right for us at any given time.

If she calls in a month or two I will take her call. Not because I want to hear let's try again, But because she deserves it.


I guess the point of all this, is that it doesn't matter how well you "DB" or how well you follow the steps. It means nothing unless you live it because that is who you have become.

She has agreed to talk to Jody 3 times. Great for her. I expect nothing from those phonecalls. I hope they halp her process some of this craziness. If she has those phonecalls and get's off the phone and calls me and says " I don't want to try again" that is perfectly OK with me. Either way I hope it helps her.

I no longer expect to stop the D, that has already happened. I no longer want to talk her into doing anything, now I just live it.

One thing is clear, and I hope that all of you who read this hear me, the WAS's life is NOT great. They are hurting and they are also thinking. There is nothing you can do about that, nothing.

They will take their journey on their timetable and come up with whatever results they come up with.

Change for YOU.

Because you have too

Because you want to

Because it is the right thing to do

So you DO NOT repeat those mistakes again with your spouse or without them.

I told her I loved her.

I told her that I did not want the D but I would respect her wishes

I told her I would love her even if she did D me.

I told her I would always be there for her.

Now that the D happened I am going to stop?

Then my words were hallow and meant nothing and all I did was a trick to get her back.

I spoke them.

I meant them.

AND

Now I live them.

Keeping setting expectations for yourself and you will continue to disappoint yourself.

Keep expecting that GAL will get her attention and you will be disappointed

Keep telling yourself you are doing a 180 so she/he can notice, and you are only fooling yourself.

Keep detaching because you think it is what you are SUPPOSE to do and you will hurt more.

When you get to the point that you have faced reality and really live what you have learned...................well my friend you are on your way.

My final gift to my XW is the 3 sessions with Jody. For her!!! NOT for me!!! She is hurting and has no support. I hope that her sessions will help her deal with her anger regardless of what she decides.

Well I lie.

My final gift to her will be the 5 Love Languages because I believe that regardless of which direction her life takes her she will learn a lot from it the same as I did.

I hope this asnwers your question I know it is long.

By the way in true 2step fashion no spell check I don't have time.

Best wishes to all I will catch up when I am back in jersey..

9, country, Michelle, Gritter, Mach, Cat, sandi,Navy, BITS and all others who have fallowed me along, supported me, hit me with 2x4's and have lifting me up when I have been down.

Thank you.

"See" you guys when I get back. I will prob read up tonight but will post when I get back home.

[FellOnBlackDays]

As always, 2step, you are a leader of men. Fine work. I only hope I can do the same...

FOBD

[LITB]

Very nicely said 2step. You are spot with your post.

I think all of us here can hang our hats on the fact that we did not run. We stood tall in our darkest moments to fight the good fight. To fight for what we believe is the right thing to do. To take the road that is less traveled. To pick ourselves off the ground to continue our journeys no matter the outcome in our M, but to become the best people we possibly can.

I wish you nothing but the best 2step.

[Redo]

2Step I really appreciate your taking time to write up your post. All i can say is i am sorry that it has the way it has for you.

Human emotions and relationships are complicated. Logically it does not make any sense that WAS know lil bit on what they can expect after D. They get a lil insight into their spouses new behaviors. Then why not give it another shot?

[ironMan]

I don't have much to say, 2step. Sounds like you are doing things right and have arrived where you need to be. Your life is going to be great. She, is her problem now.