"When there are times that you feel that you can't go on just hold on and you will see a rainbow after every storm. Always try to see the good in every situation instead of the bad." -2Step
"When there are times that you feel that you can't go on just hold on and you will see a rainbow after every storm. Always try to see the good in every situation instead of the bad." -2Step
Yes!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
So it’s been awhile since I posted any updates W and I have spoken very little in the past two weeks. We spoke on Friday for a few minutes but it was like 6. Today I had to call her about taxes so I did and this exchange went unlike I was expecting
H: Hey how are you
W: I am good and you?
H: I am good. Hey did you file already?
W: Yeah I filed. Those are the papers you signed remember.
H: I mean the taxes.
W: Oh LOL. No I have not filed the taxes yet.
H: My accountant would like to know blah blah
W: Ok well I am filing blah blah
H: how is work going?
W: It’s going did I tell you I have an interview Wed?
M: nope with whom
W: blah blah I don’t think I will take it though. It’s less money than I am making now.
M: oh D is cooking dinner for me tomorrow night. I am eating peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a hardboiled egg that is all she can make. She made me a hardboiled egg already and she was a typical woman. I had to tell her 20 times it was great and she kept saying yeah right you don’t like it.
W: LOL yeah you have to tell her as soon as you eat it that you like it. Don’t wait for her to ask you if not she feels like you don’t like it.
We spoke for about 45 minutes about D and school. Then I started venting about work a little bit and she gave me some suggestions as to how to handle my current dilemma. I thanked her and told her I would take her suggestions and appreciated her input. Then it turned for her
W: Well at least you are getting promoted next month.
M: I hope so
W: I am still trying to figure out a job I like. At this rate it will take me 30yrs to get out of debt. Well I know what I have to do but I am dreading doing it. That is to get two jobs and I will have no life, even less than what I have now. Working on this resume is proving to be really hard. I can only use the library computer and my work hours and library hours don’t mesh. I am tired of being my S and M overdraft protection also. My mom I understand she is on a fixed income but my sister has a H and she can’t manage her finances.
M: Why doesn’t her H help her out
W: Cause he makes her feel like sh!t every time she ask puts her down and lowers her self esteem. I know she makes good money and he does not help at all. He just makes her feel worse.
H: I see. Sounds like you are driving around you are not going home?
W: Looking for a place to eat. I eat out mostly which tears my stomach up but buying groceries has become so expensive so I am just driving around my town in circles. Some days I am like yay look at me I am making it on my own and other days not so much. It’s not fair H because I was a good W I was good to your D I was good to your mom I was good to your family and a lot of good that did me.
M: You were good. The best. You are a good woman all around
W: Yeah I know and now look at my life almost 30yrs not a pot to pi$$ in living in an apartment with stuff that does not belong to me. I can land a better job outside of this town but then again I can’t afford to move so I can’t look elsewhere. I thought maybe I would buy a house but that was just wishful thinking.
M: Have you been to the restaurant where I proposed again since you went with friend?
W: He!! No
M: Well who knows maybe one day I will invite you back there
W: Maybe
The convo was very somber and she was depressed we spoke for about two hours and the following was the last 5-10 minutes.
W: I don’t know why we did not work out H and I am sorry it turned out this way for you and for me
I was quiet.
W: When we talk I think that what u want me to say is for me to say I want to try again
H: I know you don’t want that I just enjoy talking to you. You are a good friend to me and your voice is soothing to me
I was quiet again
W: Why do I get the feeling you want to say more
M: There is a lot I would say but not today
W: Anything you have not said before?
M: Oh I don’t know. I still might have some stuff to say that I have not said
W: You want to give me the cliff version?
M: No cause then I would get the cliff answer
W: Oh so it’s a question
M: No more of a statement
W: and you don’t want to make it?
M: No not at this time. You are tired and I have kept you on the phone long enough.
W: Ok H we will talk again have a good night
That was it. Again I edit some because I am not going to post of the small talk we made for 2 hours. This was the first time we have spoken in almost two weeks. She sounded very somber and very depressed and I did feel bad for her at one point she said
W: I am not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me or to get your pity
It wasn't a horrible conversation and it wasn't a confetti throwing conversation. It sounded to me that she believes what she has done is the right thing to do in her head, but her heart is telling her something else but she is still extremely guarded. And, she is still not ready to even shed a brick from that wall she has built. Control, control, control.
Without looking into it too deeply, do you think there is any merit to what she hinted at with the filing?
I think it's a total mind F* how we let a piece of paper define us; married or divorce - it's just a damn piece of paper.
Hang in 2 - my prayers are with you.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I think you're going to save it. Overall, I think she realizes now she made a major mistake and I think she's ready to listen. I think you're going to save it.
I dont know 2 step. She sounds depressed about her current state of affairs and may be hinting that you come rescue her in the future if it doesnt work out.
I dont think she really knows what she wants at this stage. She may be thinking that all things considered, she was better off back with you but does that mean that she loves you and wants you back for you. Not for her bad sitch.
And this is what you will have to struggle with and what she I think is struggling with.
If only she could understand that the old marriage is dead and to start fresh.
It does sound somewhat encouraging but also, she sounds a little desperate and we should NEVER rescue them because they have failed.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
If only she could understand that the old marriage is dead and to start fresh.
It does sound somewhat encouraging but also, she sounds a little desperate and we should NEVER rescue them because they have failed.
9
I wish all our WAS's would realize that the old M is dead and to give us LBS's another try.
I agree we should never rescue them when they have failed. We have failed them too and that's why maybe they felt they had to leave.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
W: When we talk I think that what u want me to say is for me to say I want to try again
Maybe because....
Quote:
M: Have you been to the restaurant where I proposed again since you went with friend?
W: He!! No
M: Well who knows maybe one day I will invite you back there
W: Maybe
IDK, maybe this will work for you, but I think the best thing is for her to feel more and more comfortable with you. Someone she can just talk to right now. Let her vent about her problems, I think that is good for you. But IMO ANY pressure will only have her back away right now.
Hope you're doing well man. I know this is one of the wildest rides any of us have ever been on.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
It is interesting that your W was the one that transitioned the convo to R talk. It seems that this is the case most of the time too.
Are you reporting that accurately? If so, I think that it is good.
I think that this shows that she thinks about M/R with you A LOT...
Maybe Gypsy is right... her head is convinced that she is doing the right thing, but her heart disagrees...
In any case, Country is most definitely right... your place right now is to be there for her... be her friend...
Her BEST friend.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
