Denver, I am finally caught up with your sitch. I am so happy for you! SBH, Bolt, Harrier, .... now you. You men rock!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Anyone have the link to the Retrouvaille thread here on DB? I ran across it a couple of months ago, but wasn't really in a position to be considering it. I'd like to read more on the program.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Just google it - it comes up and you an find the links for your area.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
If you listen and learn from the post you thanked me for...
Then you are welcome
That was a great post, Cat, one hopefully Denver will need to listen to closely soon. Every word of it was soooo right! I'm piecing and it's 10x times harder than seperation. Denver has worked hard to get himself together, I think he can do this.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
Just google it - it comes up and you an find the links for your area.
I have the link to the retrouvaille website, but there was a thread here on the DB board that discusses it. That is what I'm looking for.
Anyone got it?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I will find the link for you, but right now, the DB site seems to have trouble with the search. It is in Piecing and the thread is called "Retrouvaille Means Change".
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Not a whole lot has gone on over the past 2 days. W has been back to working her day job, had rehearsal last night for a singing gig that she has tonight, and has been planning her S's baby shower. So she has been extremely busy. We have spoken on the telephone once each of the past 2 days, have exchanged multiple text messages and a couple of emails.
The only exchange that is significant is an email exchange that started yesterday and has gone into this morning. This is what has been said:
Me : "Hey there. I would like to take you and Seth to an Avalanche game before their season ends. .... Can you let me know which of the following dates might work for you? .... I'm also wondering if you would still like to go tubing and/or snow mobiling. I'd like to take you guys, but I know that you have a lot going on too. I'd like to go up on a saturday and come back on a sunday
Lastly, I've been checking into marriage counseling, and possibly that weekend program that I've told you about. I don't want you to think that I'm not thinking about this and looking into it. I've been thinking about it a lot. I just haven't brought it up since you mentioned it on Monday bc I want to be patient with everything and don't want to pressure you. I'd like to talk about it if and when you are ready though.
One thing that I personally want to do from now until always is to let you know how much that I love you and cherish the fact that you are in my life each and every day. So... since I haven't told you today... I love you!! :-) "
Wife: "April 3 works for me for the Avs game... as for tubing... maybe March 19th? but no overnight though"
I didn't respond to this email. We talked on the phone later last night, but didn't talk about any of the stuff in the emails. She had brought up staying a night in the mountains when we were in Buffalo. It bothered me yesterday when she responded by nixing that idea. I'm not sure if it is bc of the date that she chose and she just can't stay a night up there, or if she just doesn't feel comfortable with it.
Then today she writes me this email:
Wife: "So...weren't you the least bit curious why I didn't react or respond to your email yesterday?? I read this on my phone and didn't see anything after the dates you listed for the Avs game! I'm sorry. Didn't mean to blow you off.
I think that the 3rd of April would be a good day for the Avs. I don't really have a Saturday/Sunday available right now, but will double check and let you know so we can plan the tubing/snowmobiling.
Thank you for being so sweet. I appreciate how thoughtful you've been and how aware you are trying to be. It's a nice change!"
I replied with:
Me: "Hi sweetie. Make sure to read my entire email this time! LOL!!
No, I wasn't wondering why you didn't respond to my email yesterday. Actually you did respond with the date for the avs game and a possible date to go tubing. But I wasn't concerned about your non-response to the other parts.
Listen, not to get too deep here in an email... but the reason is that the things that I tell you about loving you, missing you etc., are coming from my heart. I don't want to ever be afraid to speak my feelings again. And, like I think that I've mentioned to you recently, one of the things that I've thought A LOT about over the last 4 months is what love means to me and what unconditional love means. For me to love you unconditionally, which I do, it means to choose to love you, express love, or whatever, without conditions or expectations. So I choose to express the love that I have for you without an expectation that you will respond. So, no, I'm not concerned when I tell you that I love you or that I miss you, and you don't respond by saying the same thing, or don't respond at all. It is okay. I don't expect you to. I'm telling you these things because it is how I feel... not because I am looking for something in return... although I'm not going to lie to you, when you do, it completely MAKES MY DAY! LOL!
Lastly, I'm happy that you have noticed some changes in me. But I don't want you to think that it is me 'trying'... I told you in Buffalo, this is how I want to be from now on. I never want my wife to wonder if I care, or if I love her, again. I never want my wife to feel lonely again. Knowing that I've caused that in the past is a regret I will live with for the rest of my life. I've made a promise to myself that I will never repeat these mistakes.
Sorry to get so deep... I just want you to know how I feel Em. You are the love of my life, the only woman in the world that I want, and I never want you to question these things again. To make sure of that, I need to open my heart to you. I guess that's what I'm doing. I hope that you can take it! :-) "
That was a few minutes before I decided to post this update. That's all for now.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
