This weekend was hard, watching all my H's pics of his trip go up online made me miss him and all the future trips we had planned together. Then going to a Super Bowl party solo just hit home.
I woke up sad. The reality just hits me sometimes and i just sobbed for about 1/2 hour straight. I just miss him so much, i want to turn the clock back so bad it hurts. There is so many things i want to say to him that i can't, so many things i want to do with him but i won't.
I think i'm sad because even though i'm hoping beyond anything that he'll come back the reality is always there that he may be gone for good. I'm 7 years older, i keep thinking 'why would he want to come back to his 'old' wife when he can date younger'?
I know i'm having a down day, tomorrow will probably be better but i can't help myself.. I constantly mourn the loss of my husband and marriage no matter how hard i'm trying.
I can relate to the older W, younger H thing. I'm 6 years older than mine. I always thought that as I get older, he may want to trade me in for a much younger, newer model. I guess I was right to a point. When he joined every free on-line dating site there is out there, 2 wks after he left, his age range was 27-45; he's 42. Any young woman we'll say 35 and under is just looking for a sugar daddy IMHO. I have a cousin who is 27 and she said ewww, I would never date my dad! I don't know what they are thinking.
Hang in Chrysalid and sending you hugs.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
My dad (60) has a gf who is 26.. yes i can say EWWW !! took me a looong time to accept that one, but they've been together for a few years, they seem happy so who am I to judge.
the OW was only 2 years younger than me & the complete polar opposite to me in the looks department. She looks like a cross between a fat morticia adams and a leather shoe.. So that kind of gave me a little comfort at first but then I was like wtf ? really ? her ? now it's kind of embarrassing for me I don't know why.. I kept thinking, was I THAT hideous and awful to him that he chose that over me ?
I'm still praying that he'll be forced to move back into the house, but I'm worried I'm sending him the message that I don't want him in the house as I'm slowly cutting all ties to him that he might feel it's the last place he'd be welcome..
oh if he only knew how wrong he'd be.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
i know, I'm just in a funk this week, with my H's trip without me, V-day approaching and I've been sick for a week and I feel very vulnerable emotionally.
I was independent before I married him, I know I have to forge ahead and see what awaits. I'm not giving up hope even when it seems hopeless at times.
Generally I'm pretty happy these days (present situation excluded) I have a very full and active life and tons of support but some days you can't shake that loneliness no matter how hard you try.
I want my money back cuz this roller coaster ride sux !!
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
I couldn't take the pain of seeing all the posts of my H on facebook so i blocked him.. now i am sitting here wondering if that was the right thing to do ?
He at some point I believe will have to come home due to financial issues and that is my hope so that I can have my second chance and DB my butt off.
Right now i think i've given him the impression that i don't want to have anything to do with him so how can i make him know that he is welcome to come home even though i've told him it's his home and he has every right to be here.. aren't my actions telling him otherwise ? I'm afraid of losing my opportunity to show him how much i've changed.
There is a few reasons right now why he says he can't come back, ones he admitted to 'it wouldn't be healthy' 'he doesn't want to hurt me' but i can't help but think that there are other reasons... like I have a feeling that he KNOWS he made a mistake and is afraid of coming back in case he falls in love with me again and is worried he'll be trapped in an unhappy marriage. His grandparents have the saddest most unhappy existence ever and i know he's been fearful of ending up like them.
I thought ceasing contact would be good but now I'm not so sure. Should I unblock him and just ignore the posted stuff and just act 'as if' ?
help please
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
What kind of stuff is he posting Chrysalid? I apologize if I have missed a previous post that would answer this question.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
We had planned a trip to Chicago a few months back and since our separation, he ended up going alone and spending the weekend with 'our' friend. Before he left all our mutual friends were posting to him and wishing him a good trip etc. Then while he was there he kept uploading pics of his sightseeing and our mutual friends again were commenting.. including the OW.. who also used to be my friend.
I was just hurt because we should have made this trip together in the past and seeing and reading about all the fun he was having was hurtful to me and i felt some of our friends were being insensitive knowing we were on each others list. It feels like everyone has forgiven and forgotten what he's done yet I still live with the emotional pain and heartache everyday.
I want to appear strong and not make it appear as if it bothers me when it clearly does, so i'm conflicted. If i give him the impression that it bothers me so much will he ever feel he can home ? if he does come home it will only be for financial reasons but it would give me the opportunity to practice what i'm learning and TRY my darndest to make him see the new me. I need that.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Are these FB updates a daily or weekly thing, or have they stopped since the trip is over?
I'd consider unblocking your H, but blocking all of these so called mutual friends. That is very insensitive from anyone who considers themselves to be your friend.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
the trip was last weekend. I blocked him and most of the people who were commenting on his wall. I'm sure they've stopped now, but i don't know cuz i blocked him and have no clue.. lol but there will always be something else that will trigger an emotion with me.. someone had posted on another threat about FB being the devil's playground.. how true
Perhaps i should just give it a little time then unblock him?
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
