you are DEAD ON! See? You know her and know what she will do. Well, guess what? If you continue to do what you are doing (the good things) she WILL do that.
I thought the same thing with my W. I KNEW that if she went out to find herself, she would be disappointed with what was out there. I knew her better than anyone BUT I had to let her find it out on her own. That took a TON of patience.
She found out exactly what I thought and came running back.
The worst thing about patience is that it takes more time than we ever imagine to get. I guess that's the point, right?
you can do it!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
WN - you can check out my thread to see the whole shebang but in a nutshell, it's been going on for about 5 years (only about 18 months to MY knowledge). The hard HARD work has only been about 2 months.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Don't pursue her based on the fact you didn't bomb with that joke. This is what I see happen with a lot of LBH's. One very tiny, tiny bit of encouragement (like having a conversation without her biting your head off) and you think it is a green light. It is a step in progress, but you need to let her continue initiating contact--and certainly giving you some clues.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't pursue her based on the fact you didn't bomb with that joke. This is what I see happen with a lot of LBH's. One very tiny, tiny bit of encouragement (like having a conversation without her biting your head off) and you think it is a green light. It is a step in progress, but you need to let her continue initiating contact--and certainly giving you some clues.
That's exactly what I did before we separated. On the one hand it really [censored] to know now what I was doing wrong but all of the baby steps that I took as green lights give me hope that there is plenty there to be rekindled. I just have to start doing things right.
BITS
M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
[quote=MichelleLT]It's rough to be around couples. Even after the S, D, and me dating again, I still find it hard to be around married couples. It's such a reminder of what I no longer have.
So, your option is to avoid hanging out with married couples or people who are too couple-y, or to just deal with it. Don't expect it to not hurt though lol.
Does your family know the basics of what is going on? Even if you don't want to talk about it (I didn't for about the first six months) at least letting them know you are S might be a source of support for you. Although definitely be careful how much you tell them because they may frown upon you R with W.
Hope you have bounced back from your funk. All part of this fun roller coaster ride!
Being around couples is the pitts. If I stop hanging around M couples I will be solo because all my friends are M lol. My family knows what is going on, they know everything except how I am doing and how I am taking this D.
Originally Posted By: zengypsy
hey 2 - just checking in to see how u were doing toaday...
Kind of hard to explain gypsy. You ever have those days when you feel like you can't breathe? Like the shock hits you all over again like it’s the first day? I felt like that all day. This complete feeling of loneliness the kind that sweeps you and almost paralyses you. I felt so much despair and loneliness today I can't really put it into words. I feel a little better right now. How long will it last? Should I still be feeling like this after 3 M?
[quote=2stepboogie]Kind of hard to explain gypsy. You ever have those days when you feel like you can't breathe? Like the shock hits you all over again like it’s the first day? I felt like that all day. This complete feeling of loneliness the kind that sweeps you and almost paralyses you. I felt so much despair and loneliness today I can't really put it into words. I feel a little better right now. How long will it last? Should I still be feeling like this after 3 M?
I'm right with you today 2 - go check out my whiney thread if you dare.
Hope you feel better tommorrow.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
At this point I am just going to journal or my head is going to explode. After trying to catch up on all the BITS tonight I realize it is not a good day to be a club member. I am feeling completely deflated I have no idea why. I feel a sick sensation in the pit of my stomach that is painful all the time. I don’t know what in the world is happening or why. It feels like I did back in Dec and Jan. This is some crazy stuff I am feeling.
I was thinking about this earlier and I have never had someone so close to me that I love so much “die” (this is like a death in a way, a death of dream). My dad is 90 still kicking my mom is 70 all my siblings are still alive so I have never felt this way before, these are all new emotions.
Texted W a little bit ago “did you see the pics D put on FB of you?” W “yeah I saw….:)”
That was it. I spoke to a close friend of mine today and he was really interested in how I was doing. He heard from one of the very few people that know I am in pain and decided to find out if the “Tin Man” was really hurting. After a few minutes I opened up a little bit. He said “man. I had no idea. I thought you were doing great. I have to tell you though that I am very impressed with what I hear. You are always so matter of fact and to the point but I hear real change in your voice. I hear compassion and a very good understanding of how W might of felt. That is good. You know I am always here for you”
I felt as if I was making such good progress last week and then darkness falls. The thing is I know what did it. My comment on that text did it. She got that and said “oh yeah. Ok. We will see” Stubbornness and pride are driving this thing, of that I am sure. She is sweet and very kind but she is also stubborn and she is letting me know right now that the comments rubbed her the wrong way. All this and she probably received the D papers today or even Saturday. I have zero doubt she will turn them in at this point. This is a living walking breathing nightmare.
Man 2Step, I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough day too. I guess it was a bad day for the BITS. Journal away my friend. I read, and am interested, in everything that you and the other BITS put into words. It's not often that you go through such a hard time in life and it is good to know that we all have each other to understand what is happening to us.
Hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day for all of us.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
2step, I want you to know that some of your advice on here has been some of the best medicine for my own sitch. So, tonight, take some of your own medicine. Have faith in yourself. You are good at this. Take some time tonight or tomorrow and go read some of the stuff you have posted on my sitch. You were awesome! Listen to yourself from time to time!!!
Come on buddy, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on that horse. You can do it!!!! If you can't find the strength, come here and we will give it to you. That is what the BITS do. Go read my post tonight and tell me that having the BITS around doesn't help. You guys saved me from myself tonight and we don't even know each others real names!!!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
