A VERY Long Engagement

[2stepboogie]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>UPDATE ALERT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So I get a text from W a little while ago and this is the following exchange.

W "was D happy when u told her?"

M "When I told her what?"

W "about FB...lol what did us getting back together come to mind...Man do I know u or what....:)"

M "lol didn't even think about it once Oh yeah she was actually kind of shocked., and stay out of my head, its not safe for u there lol"

W "LOL so I was right on....LOL"

M "Not even close......."

W "Ok so maybe I stand corrected...LOL"

M "what makes u think I would take you back at this point? :)"

W "Touche"

M "lol"

Ok so before I get my head ripped off I will say this. My thought was that of jokin but then again why should she feel that she has all the control of this thing all the time? It was a joke but we will see how she took that. I don't want her thinking that she can just decide my fate at the drop of a hat either because I have worth also. Anyways go ahead let me have it.............

[Truegritter]

M "what makes u think I would take you back at this point? :)"

Actually I like this even though you didn't mean it entirely.

I hope that you do get to where you feel more like that because that will be the day that you and your W have a shot at piecing back together a successful M.

It is funny I just wrote this on another thread.

This is still all you, you a trying to pull her back in and she is doing none of the work.

Don't get me wrong as LBS we are the ones that have to have the faith and put the energy into the M now because our S isn't right?

I am just saying to put the energy into where is better spent

Not convincing

Not coercing

Not controling

Do for YOU. When you do your W will see it and maybe,

Maybe she will see in you what she wants in her life.

Then you will not have to pull her back.

She will be pulling you back to her.

[2stepboogie]

True,

When I saw you responded and my phone was still loading I was smiling cause I was thinking to myself "great. Gritted is going to rip my a$$ again" so the fact that you approved is a little reassuring what I don't want to do is shut the door the minute she starts to peak inside.

[Truegritter]

I don't want to do is shut the door the minute she starts to peak inside.

You won't. Believe me.

Don't worry about that part. Have courage and faith that when she is ready to make her way back

You will be there. And you will be a better man that has learned from his mistakes.

In her mind there is no mystery to you. She has said she "knows you" and "what you are up to"

So creating a little doubt in her mind is a good thing.

[lostinscared]

And the walls came crumbling down...

2Step, seriously, YOU. ARE. AWESOME. Do you feel awesome, because you rock!!!

I think that Truegritter is right on the mark. You need to create some mystery and she cannot feel that if you tell her that she knows you inside out. Now, she might know you inside out, but that isn't the point. The point is that you created doubt in her mind... you are changing and THAT IS EXCITING.

I have very curly hair. My H loves curly hair, but every once in awhile I would go have it straightened. It was unexpected and it would excite my H because he said he felt like he was sleeping with another woman. That's the excitement you are creating.

Holy cow, 2Step, these conversations are going great. Nothing negative at all. That's big. You are being patient and kind. You are thinking things through. So... I know you need to wait a little while so it doesn't all seem fake, but have you thought about the next piece of advice that you are going to ask your W about D?

Did I mention... YOU. ARE. AWESOME.

I'm praying for you! Oh and cheering so loud for you!

LIS

[2stepboogie]

One thing I forgot to mention the other day when W was on the phone with DB coach Jody asked what would it take for you to see some of the changes H is making? W thought for a moment and said
"Time"

I thought I should mention that

[Denver_2010]

TAKE A BOW 2Step!! Nicely done. I need to keep the comment that you made to W in mind for myself. Very nice.

I think that Grit is dead on with the advice he's giving you and me. I know that it is tough. We just have to keep working man.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

This also had to be very tough on your W. How did she feel about the move to Jersey? Was there a part of her that was somewhat glad to get away from MIL and SIL?

BITS
Denver

At first yes. She was a little relieved that she no longer had to take care of mother she had been doing this since she was 13 after a bad car accident followed by some major sickness left her very poor of health.

After awhile though she felt some guilt for being so far from home. I admit I did not want to go to OK all that much for vacations so we usually went to the Islands or Vegas Disney things like that. I should of done more to go see her family but I almost felt like a hypocrite because I knew they did not like me all that much. They were always very pleasant to me but I knew the truth. Sometimes W would go to OK to see them for a week or so and always came back feeling like crap. It would take W about a week to level out from the visits.

I did offer to bring mother and sister to stay with us in Jersey many times but they always had some excuse not to come. This last summer my W was bummed out that her sister had never been here so I said "you know what. Just buy the damn ticket and she will have no choice but to come" We did and she came. I took her to NYC showed her around took her to nice restaurants Broadway shows treated her like royalty. W was really happy. In August I had talked to her mom secretly and offered to bring her up here for 6 months to stay with us she promised to get back to me. Two months later W left.

Anyways this is your thread man not mine.

Putting this on your thread 2Step. Not bc I care that we were discussing it on mine, but bc I think that it is important to your situation and others may want to weigh in.

Anyway, my though on how you describe you and your W's R with her family is this... I think that we just found the reason that she WILL be wanting to move back to Jersey to be with you WHEN SHE IS READY.

JMO...

BITS
Denver

[2stepboogie]

Denver I never thought of it that way. That is a good point. I think MWD says that sometimes your cheerleading squad can actually help you more than hurt you at times. Let’s hope she is right.

Lost,

I have not thought about the next thing I will ask advice on. I am kind of choosing my reasons for calling very carefully, at this point I might hand back and wait a few days. I get lonely when W doesn't call especially since we are having such great convo's, if I look back at this week alone I think we have spoken or texted every day.

I need to sit back and let her reach out to me next before I come up with some other reason to ask for her advice or opinion on a matter. I believe I am in a very dangerous position right now where W is testing the waters (maybe) or just being typical nice self. I feel like everything is being evaluated right now from my tone of voice all the way down to my goodbyes.

[Denver_2010]

I believe I am in a very dangerous position right now where W is testing the waters (maybe) or just being typical nice self. I feel like everything is being evaluated right now from my tone of voice all the way down to my goodbyes.

Exactly how I feel 2Step.