I can't tell you where TJ is. I can tell you where he has been. I think he is through replay, and I guess he is through lots of depression, withdrawl and acceptance. Bits and pieces of all. More done than left to do.????? I do not see any steps backwards.
This is perfectly natural and exactly like the rest of us.
Holly thanks for posting and understand that your words are an inspiration to us, a beacon of light leading the way!
Thank you Holly for your inspirational words of hope. Even to those who feel their situations are, at this point, hopeless. I don't think I've ever visited here before, but I will watch out for you in the future. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hi Holly, Thought I would drop in here to see if I recognized any names. There are still a few I know. I gather from your post that a lot has happened since we last talked. I am happy for you and wish you well on your journey.
Happy Thanksgiving! Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
I have just done a very brief skip of your threads throughout the years, but I think you would provide very wise/hopeful advice for newbies. Would you consider giving advice on newcomers at this point in time?
I just read through your whole story and am sitting here in my office, crying, as I am so touched and so happy for you. You have incredible patience!
Its stories like yours that keep others going. Thank you.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Decking the halls, still live alone, but am expecting a houseful for the holidays. I am still drawn here as this has been a place of so much comfort and light through a very dark time of my life. I am THRILLED to see you still lurking Spitty! Wishing you the best, right back at cha! Was, I a humbled that you still keep track of me. Wow.
For all those that are newbies here (2008 onwards haha) we sure had some fun here. We had a virtual bus that roamed the country at lightning speed running over OW and OM and laughing at the roadkill. We created a virtual backyard pool and invited all the boys here to become cabana boys, and bring us drinks. Was even warmed up the towels for us. We still click our fingers and remember fondly. We did some table dancing, and even bought a few poles to dance around. About 6 of us had a meet up in February 2007, New Jersey, and we began the saga of the bucket. The traveling pants, where are they now? Friendly1, always had a story of intrigue, crawling on the floor, and Tigger bouncing. (Tigger is her mom). There were the lighthearted adventures, that I wish for all of you while you "sit on the curb", tossing bottlecaps into the "refiners fire", and watching the sparks fly. It helps. It might have even saved me. I am so blessed. My R with TJ brings me contentment. We had a great Thanksgiving, spent most of the week together. He is making plans for his vacations for 2011, and it sounds like they were made with me in mind. There are still moments of anxiety, as events sometimes trigger memories of past hurts. But then they always dissipate. The last one was just yesterday. The routine of contact had changed since the previous weekend, and I was so like the time he took trips to see OW. Then he text me something amazing " bought a few gifts for the kids, am labeling them "from mom and dad" . He is getting there. I am "there" waiting for him to catch up.
I would be happy to help newbies, that is part of my makeup. I am a nurturer. But I have to tell you that there is no better advice that I can give that is not already flying around this place. You are all so good at supporting each other. I will be repeating advice that you have heard over and over again. I did follow the advice here, to get where I am. I wish the same for each and everyone of you. But experience tells me this won't happen to the extent my prayers request. I hope you know this. In my non virtual life I have been the confidant of 3 people. I have supported and encouraged them in their stand for their marriage, and relationship. 1 moved on to a wonderful 2nd marriage. 1 moved on to a new relationship, and for so many reasons this is a special case, one that I left to God to navigate. 1 friend is still standing, and his XW is beginning to show signs of the last 3 stages of MLC. They are all jumbled up together. This story has not reached a conclusion, and it may never, as this man is content to stay single, and wait, for the possibility of a reconciled marriage. So what are the odds? maybe 30-40 % counting me? And my sitch could change on a dime. The good news is that all 4 of us are happy. We endured the pain, we had hope, we believed, we prayed, we loved unconditionally. That is the victory. Not what I have. I know you want the pain to stop, to be happy again. And you will be. All 4 of us are happy. So can I help? Only if you understand that there are no guarantees that anything I say will restore your marriage. I will tell you what I did to position myself to be in the 40% of relationships that have a chance of rekindling. But it is not a guarantee. One more thing about me. I have a weird ability to see it from another angle. If you tell me your Christmas tree is green, I will undoubtedly tell you it is evergreen. I will tell you how I prepared for this journey. But when everything is said and done, it is up to God. It is in His Hands, and that is where you have to leave it. I believe that this crisis invaded each of our lives as a wake up call from God. He tried other ways to bring us back to Him, but somehow we resisted. So he brought out the shattering of what we hold most dear. Ultimately, it is up to Him, if you completely give it to Him. I think He had a plan for me, and I asked for His guidance every step of the way.
Ask away. I may not have new insight, and when I do, it may be too weird to accept. Peace.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
