They say 'all good things must come to an end' and since my D is not coming to an end as quickly as I'd like I guess that would mean it's not a good thing. Ah yes I know...that's deep- I really out do myself sometimes
So a p*ssing match with STBXW via email...and I think she won!
I picked DD up from school on Mon and noticed STBXW got her ears pierced. Of course, DD was excited and I was happy for her but I was upset that STBXW didn't bother to even let me know. I would've loved to have been there for the once-in-a-lifetime experience in my little girl's life. She sent along a bottle of solution to clean the piercing with so they don't get infected. Then later in the day she started calling me on the phone. I ignored it the first 3 times but she was persistent. I finally answered and gave her an earful about how she continues to take these unilateral decisions without even giving me a heads up. She actually sounded like it finally hit her how it wasn't cool what she did. She tried to defend her position in an almost crying voice that DD told her that I said it was OK. I told her DD is a minor, she should work with me on things like that. That's when she hung up on me. I actually felt horrible thinking that I probably made her cry. I fought the urge to call and appologize to her.
A couple of days later I sent her an email to document this and also to respond to yet another request of her's for more bowls, DVDs etc from the house. I told her nothing else will be removed from my house that hasn't been ordered by the court. If she wants something she can list it as part of the D settlement agreement that I sent to her- which her and her lawyer never bothered responding to.
So she responds with:
"Sure sorry about the ear piercing. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. However I'll be happy to contact you for approval for all items you deem consequential. You can submit a list of them to my lawyer and we'll get it all finalized when you submit a reasonable offer.
And DD said she doesn't want you getting mad at her about math homework anymore. Maybe you should take better notes while reading your parenting books."
Haha- I married a real piece of work. She's good I gotta hand it to her.
Today DD is sick and I'm staying home with her. I still brought her into school for a little bit because they were having their halloween costume party. I wanted her to at least participate in it enough to show/see her friends in costumes. We had also signed up for a veggie tray for the party so we brought that along too. Anyway, it was fun for her to see her friends all dressed up in their cute costumes. Later I texted STBXW that DD's sick and at home with me. She texted back that she's sick and at home too. My initial reaction was to text back asking if she needed help with anything but I resisted. Not because I don't want to help her but because even if I offered she'll decline so it adds no value.
I'm trying to decide if I should respond to her email or just let it go.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Unbelievable, she wants an itemized list of all the things you want to have some say in regarding your D's life! Hey, I believe my SA has something along the lines of being "reasonable" with each other. Yes, living separately sure makes parenting harder but it's not rocket science either, DD wants her ears pierced then the "reasonable" thing to do is check with the other parent first! Let it go Romeo, I know it's tempting to send her some smart ass reply but don't bother. She got her ass kicked and this is her attempt at payback. If you do want to follow up I would call her and say something like "I didn't mean to be as harsh as I was but I was upset that I wasn't consulted about something I felt was important in our DD's life. Let's really try to work together in future on decisions, if I'm not sure I'll call you and vice versa. Can we agree on that without our lawyers?" What is all this lawyer sh!t in regards to everything, it's not like you two can't talk. Every time the lawyers come in it costs you both money!
I'm pretty the "list" was A) bait; and B) sarcasm.
I've gotten hammered on the boards for not being more involved with STBXW on her time with the girls. But this wasn't something I would have gotten worked up over. It's a girl thing. I don't mind leaving much of the girl things to STBXW.
I'm not sure of your schedule with DD. I see my girls 86 percent of the days during the school year so I haven't yet felt out of the loop. Maybe it's different for you.
Sure, I've missed some "big" moments in the girls lives in the past 18 months. The first time D8 swam to the dock at STBXW's family campground hurt. Swimming was always our thing, D8, D11 and me. STBXW usually would stay at her mom's trailer or sit on the beach while I swam with the girls.
So when D8 finally swam out to the dock it was HUGE and I wasn't there to share it. She called me right after.
But what I try to remember is that I'm going to have my share of firsts as well. I have had lots of moments that are just mine.
The other thing. I wouldn't have said anything on the phone. But that's just me. Those conversations never go anywhere. Nothing gets decided, things get misinterpreted and reopens old wounds.
I would have just used email. You can edit out hurt, anger and bitterness.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
You can submit a list of them to my lawyer and we'll get it all finalized when you submit a reasonable offer.
And DD said she doesn't want you getting mad at her about math homework anymore. Maybe you should take better notes while reading your parenting books."
Gah! A piece of work indeed. I wouldn't respond to any of that stuff I just quoted. She seems like she got pissed and is now acting out toward you, w/ her words. Don't feed into it, Romeo. Stay above the fray.
Thanks Donna, Wii, CTH and Sol. You guys are all correct. Sol, that's what it is, she wants to get even because like wii said she feels her behind got kicked so this is her way of getting back at me.
Wii, the lawyer stuff is there because she doesn't really want to settle with me directly. She took me to court for the temporary payments. She has several divorced women that screwed over their husbands so she listens to what they're advising her.
CTH, I hear you on not making a big deal about the girly stuff and honestly if she had her hair or nails done I wouldn't say a thing but come on ear piercing? I definitely would've gone with her. I want her to remember that dad was there for all important occasions in her life. I do realize some of those occasions are mom-specific and when they happen I'll gladly let STBXW take care of those.
Originally Posted By: Sol
Did you wear anything fun for Halloween?
No and I resisted the urge to go out in my birth day costume
A friend texted me 'watch out for the witches tonight' I texted back 'should've warned me 10 years ago'.
Anyway, here's my response to STBXW:
"I'm not going to get into this immature tit-for-tat with you. Fact is I brought up a real concern because this has happened a few times, you said sorry and that you'd be happy to discuss these sort of things with me in the future. Good- all the rest of the stuff is unnecessary.
As for the settlement offer, it's more than reasonable considering it's a lot more than what you and I had agreed upon in Jan 09 via email- as well as for a few other reasons that I'm not privy to discuss at this point.
DD asked me to ask you if you could pick her up early today and to ask you if you could do some fun stuff with her. She mentioned she hasn't been to a park with you for sometime and would like to go. She said she likes playing with you but lately she doesn't get to she said. Normally I tell her to let you know nicely and directly how she feels but she asked me to ask you for her this time.
School wise, she is struggling with math a bit but it's not her fault. I talked to her teacher last week. She said all the kids at this school learned to count by 2s, 5s, 10s and 11s (backwards too) in kindergarden. She said the best way to teach her is by repetition. So we made a fun game out of it where driving or at home I would write the numbers down from 1 through 50 (in 2s, 5s and 10s - not 11s yet) and she would read them aloud. Then she'll try to repeat without looking. After a couple of tries she gets most of it. Not backwards yet. So if you could keep it up that would be very helpful for her. I'd really like her catch up before they move on to the harder stuff which will be difficult for her if she doesn't have the basics down. She's doing very well in all the other areas, her reading has improved a lot.
I've left your alimony/cs check in DD's backpack along with the cupcakes we made this weekend that she wanted to share with you, some of her halloween candy we got last night so she could have some during the week with you and her ear piercing solution. She doesn't have a fever anymore but she still has a cough and stuffy nose.
I assume that you'd want to keep her for Thanksgiving? please confirm.
Thanks."
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Hey Romeo... sounds like a great response... covering all the necessary stuff re: DD. The only thing I would have done is left out the "immature" comment. True... it IS immature, but that might trigger defensiveness in her and then will color the way she reads all the rest of it.
Wii, the lawyer stuff is there because she doesn't really want to settle with me directly. She took me to court for the temporary payments. She has several divorced women that screwed over their husbands so she listens to what they're advising her.
IR, my wife and I both had L's for the SA but we also co-operated so that expenses would be kept down. We wanted our rights protected but also wanted to keep some cash. My lawyer actually directed me around stuff that we could work out on our own and what he might need to handle. He said "I make most of my money from people fighting over who gets the CD collection and the dog" So, my point was just that you can make mutual decisions around things like belongings etc without the expense of a L negotiating these things with another L. Every time they do anything for you it costs! But, then again, I'm not in your sitch nor married to your W either.
