After a pretty good evening with the family, (dinner, Monopoly, then Trivial Pursuit just with the W). We went to bed. I told her that I couldn't stay anymore, and that I'd be moving out in the next week. That I had found a place, and would be signing a lease shortly. She went into shock (her term) pretty quickly.
She started bargaining; saying she'd do anything. That (as we had discussed in the past) we could provide better for our daughters together than apart.
I told her that I wanted to be with someone who loved me the way I wanted, and that she couldn't give me that. That I didn't want to be someone's consolation prize in life. She was really confused why I would do this. Why I was the one leaving. I asked her if I had heard her right the other night when she said she'd leave if it weren't for the children, and she said yes. I told her I wanted to be where I was wanted.
Said I wasn't mad at her, nor hurt. But that I wanted to be happy, and her to be happy. That we would be great coparents. Told her that she can keep the house for now, until we decide we need to sell it; this way the girls can stay in their home for as long as possible.
She was really upset when she fell asleep. When she woke up to get ready for work, I could tell by the racket she was creating that she was still upset. I got in the shower, and when I came out, she was waiting to talk to me. Said that for thirteen years, I had been promising that we were this close to being financially safe and having the life we always wanted, and now I was throwing it all away when we were just about out of the woods.
I told her this wasn't the life I wanted.
I know I did the right thing. But God I feel like [censored] in my heart. I never in a million years thought I'd be walking away from a woman I love so deeply.
For what it's worth, I think you did amazing. I'm sure it was one of the hardest things you had to do but it did need to be done. You need to be loved for who you are...not just as the babies daddy. Loved and not 'tolerated'.
Now it's her turn to figure out what she wants. I hope for you/your family sakes, she finds the genuine love for you that you deserve.
One question I may have missed in all of the posts...what do your kids know as far as you and her? Did either of you already leave before? Basically, have you had the 'talk' with your kids yet?
Good on ya PH, Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
She started bargaining; saying she'd do anything. That (as we had discussed in the past) we could provide better for our daughters together than apart.
I asked her if I had heard her right the other night when she said she'd leave if it weren't for the children, and she said yes.
Maddening. Even as she's bargaining and being upset she is saying she is only with you for the kids. I am so sorry, Pin.
((((Pin))))
It will and does get better though. I can promise you that.
She started bargaining; saying she'd do anything. That (as we had discussed in the past) we could provide better for our daughters together than apart.
I asked her if I had heard her right the other night when she said she'd leave if it weren't for the children, and she said yes.
Maddening. Even as she's bargaining and being upset she is saying she is only with you for the kids. I am so sorry, Pin.
((((Pin))))
It will and does get better though. I can promise you that.
Maddening is right.
At one point, I said "W, you don't love me. How can you expect me to stay here with that?" She got upset and said "That's not true." I replied, "You don't love me the way a wife should love their husband." And she got upset again later when I said I wanted to be with someone who loves me.
Woman is seriously confused. So worried about money. Hell, she's not losing anything except me. She'll stay in the house, have the girls 6 days/nights. Me? I'm giving up a lot, so much time with my daughters, a house that is the best I'll ever have, and everything that goes with a normal life.
But now it's time to pick up the pieces, take care of my daughters, take care of myself.
Pin, you are doing the right thing even though it doesn't feel that way.
If she's upset that may be a sign she still has feelings for you and could possibly just be confused. You leaving will really make her look at herself now.She has to do the work to make herself happy.
Being out of Limbo is a good feeling. You will feel so much better about yourself. Not seeing your kids daily will be tuff but it will make the time you do have with them so much more meaningful.
Stay strong and keep an opened mind.
gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
