Working on my W's MLC - the saga continues III

[ericmsant2]

Fixer

You appear to be spinning in a cycle of guilt and negativity.

Stop it.

Maybe I'm not as nice of a guy as I thought I was.

"nice" by who's definition. If it is your W's...well then you should ask yourself why you define yourself by HER.

Maybe I've been fooling everyone who reads my posts.

Maybe you have, which is fine. My advice - don't fool YOURSELF. So if you feel that you are not nice or not this...well then change it!

Then maybe I'm just having a nightmare and can't wake up.

Or maybe your not having a nightmare...maybe your really dead right now and all of this is a fuc*ing dream. Just kidding..

Or worst maybe I'm the nicest guy in Hell.

Nah....that would be me. Once again...just kidding..

If I was to take the time and write about my life it would show I'm not an intersting person. It would show how most of the turmoil in my life is with my wife and 24 year old step son. It would also show how much I love my 12 year old daughter.

Maybe if you write out your life you will feel better.

OR
Maybe you will realize that everyone makes mistakes, are never really where they want to be (most are working towards it though) OR

Maybe you will begin to see that YOU and only YOU define and control YOUR life.

Maybe...you will realize that you are comfortable being "not interesting", "being a man that loves his D" or you will realize just how special you really are.

Fixer -
Look dude....whatever you are going through I'm sorry. Life is funny...sometime ya just need to stay still for a while and let life move and happen at it's own pace.

Eric

[Fixer]

I was writing out why I feel when I couldn't type anymore.

It's been about two weeks since my SS's pregant GF moved in with us. My W who still lives with us left on a 7 day Carribean cruise. Since she's been gone he's been making dinner for his GF and only her. I was okay with that except when he offered to share what he made with D12 and me. After he served dinner he wanted to save some leftovers to take to work the next day. I ended up going without dinner, but I was okay with it, D12 was fed and I didn't have to make dinner. The next day he offered to share dinner again. I told him if he has enough for D I would be greatful. This time he didn't have enough for her so I had to scramble to make her something to eat. The next day I asked him not to offer to share what he made if he couldn't deliver what he promised.

Today, it was hot and he put the A/C on without asking. They rent the downstairs, not the upstairs. He told me he could do what he wanted and that he didn't have to ask permission to turn on the A/C. Then he told me hs GF was tired of picking up after me. He also called me a slob and then said he was tired of doing all the dishes. I'm not quick on my feet but he made all the mess not me. We argued and many 4 letter words were said.

Boy I hate the way the format works on this site now.

[ericmsant2]

Dude

ended up going without dinner

This time he didn't have enough for her so I had to scramble to make her something to eat. The next day I asked him not to offer to share what he made if he couldn't deliver what he promised.

First off, why are you relying on someone else to make dinner for you or you D. Man up, make dinner yourself and f*ck him and his girlfriend.

Today, it was hot and he put the A/C on without asking. They rent the downstairs, not the upstairs. He told me he could do what he wanted and that he didn't have to ask permission to turn on the A/C. Then he told me hs GF was tired of picking up after me. He also called me a slob and then said he was tired of doing all the dishes. I'm not quick on my feet but he made all the mess not me. We argued and many 4 letter words were said.

I am not familiar with your living arrangements BUT let me ask you a few questions dude…

1) Who pays the rent or the mortgage?
2) Who’s house is it?
3) Do you have control over what YOU allow someone to do to YOU?

Fixer, you seem to be operating from a place of fear AND this fear will hinder YOUR ability to do whatever it is that you feel you need to do.


Can you post what else is going on in your M so that I can get a better sense of where you are?

[Fixer]

No problem - I don't think it's fear; It's acceptance and giving in so I can I can be with my D. You can be the judge.

My W dropped the bomb many years ago - I forget it could be about 6 years. We divided up our responsibilities she pays the utilities, except for the water and I pay for everything else. I DB'd my A$$ off and it worked. Unfortunately, she still doesn't L me but doesn't want to leave or kick me out. We've been getting along and often there's a rift between SS24 and me. My W makes plans with F's and leaves me with D12. Recently we've been doing things together and having fun doing it. My SS sees me more of an A$$hole than an authority figure. The fight over the A/C is just that another way of undermining my authority. It's my right to do what I want in my house. Howver, he's a sneak and does many things behind my back.

There's more just follow my stich.

I am an honest guy sometmes too honest. However, being ganged up by his GF and him get me to doubt myself. Sometimes my W tells me to be the better man when he goes off.

I came from a D family and I'm going to do whatever I can to keep D12 from going through what I've gone through.

[seeking answers]

Fixer,
Does the SS and or the GF pay anything for rent, utilities or food?

[ericmsant2]

Fixer

So you pay everything else except the utilities..huh..

I DB'd my A$$ off and it worked. Unfortunately, she still doesn't L me but doesn't want to leave or kick me out.

How the heck can you say you Db'd your as* off and it worked.

You say she doesn't love you...
You say that she doesn't want you to leave or kick you out of the house.

First off, do you have any say in the R? Do you have any control over YOUR life?

Dude - I am sorry to say but I am gonna be blunt here. Why the f*ck do you feel like she is doing YOU a favor by allowing you to live in the house.

Is this the type of M that you want?

Do you want to remain in the house?

Man the fu*k up and figure out what YOU want for YOU and YOUR D.

Look dude, I love my little girl to. I love her soo much...I can break down and cry in an instant at the thought of not seeing her everyday. I love her little feet, I love her smile, I love the 'tude she gives me, I love her testiness, I love all of her. She is truly daddies little girl. She is spoiled rotten and really I don't give a chit what anyone says. And just so that you know her name if Victoria Marie.

So why am I saying this to you?

Cause as much as you love your D...you must first love YOURSELF.

You need to think long and hard about what it is that YOU want for YOU and YOUR D.

As for the SS...if it was me...I'd tell him if he spoke another word to me that I would shove my foot so far up his a** that he need to open his mouth so that I can cut my toe nails! You do not need to put up with this.

No one can fight this battle for ya dude. So...sit down, figure out what you want in your life and go live it/do it.

Ya know Fixer...your entitled to be happy too.

God Bless,
Eric

[Fixer]

When I said I DB'd my but off I meant it. No, restraining orders no police and she went from being an alien to being human again. The complete opposite of what happened to a guy I know. My wife had MLC big time and we all went through a lot. My SS is a d1ck and is so much like his father who's even a bigger d1ck. With all the brain washing my SS had done to him by his dad, I'm surprised we get along at all.

Yes - my SS and GF rent two rooms down cellar which was our original agreement.

Update: I talked to my W about what happened. She quietly listened to what I told her. We fought I didn't DB and I made her cry. If this a year ago, there wouldn't be any tears.

[Fixer]

I don't know if it's the gloomy weather or perhaps the fact I know my W will never love me.

Today I feel sad. I've never felt as sad as this before. I hope it will pass.

Fixer

[ericmsant2]

Fixer

Why do you feel sad?

Do you feel a loss of control?

Are you sad about your sitch?

Sadness will come and it will also pass if you allow it. Sometimes we hold on to it because it feels comfortable. Holding on to it actually give us a false sense of control.

So Fixer ...do you want to hold on to it? Or let it go?

[MHL]

I don't know if it's the gloomy weather or perhaps the fact I know my W will never love me.

Hey Fixer,

Cheer Up !!!!! You can now read minds and see into the future!!!! Pretty darn awesome........Right??

Oh wait, that was actually on a cartoon my son was watching this morning.

Sorry to be so harsh, especially when your feeling down but you have now idea what your W is thinking nor how she is going to feel in the future.

I know you have been at this a long time and so you know not to get wrapped up in what she may or may not be thinking.

Look, I get being down.....trust me I know it, come on over to my house tomorrow night and we will drown some beers!!!

Today I feel sad. I've never felt as sad as this before. I hope it will pass.

It always passes, the sun will rise again tomorrow and the next day too. Let the feeling wash over you, experience it, get it out......

Then

When the sun DOES rise tomorrow, pull yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with "fixer's" life. I hear you talking about many things that are well within your control but "fear" is controling you.

You can and will survive and be happy without your W. Don't get me wrong here, I hope you and your W reconcile and your wife finds those feelings of "love" for you again, however if that does not happen.....you WILL be OKAY!!!

You are a victim if you chose to be one. The choice is yours.

Cheers