Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

1. I wonder if some WAS' ever apologize later?

2. Antlers, I am sending you a GREAT BIG HUG today. I hope your day only gets better

1. I doubt it. That would be an admission that they actually did something wrong...and that's something that they can't tolerate (the fact that they did something wrong).

2. I appreciate that. Thanks. I've had a pretty good day today.

[ClingingToHope]

I doubt mine will ever admit she's wrong. I can't ever remember her admitting she was wrong in the 15 years we've been involved.

She already apologized after our second mediation session. On the way to my car she said "I know this isn't what you want. I'm sorry."

I looked at her and didn't say anything. That didn't help me at all.

[g450]

That's strange CTH,

Come to think of it, My XW also never would admit when she was wrong. Even when it was obvious that she was. Hmmmm.

Maybe that is one the red flags I should have taken a closer look at. But she was this way for our entire marriage so I thought it was just a personality flaw.

[soleil]

Well count me in with you guys who say your spouses hardly ever apologize. I can count on my two hands the times that stbx said the word "Sorry." It was just not in his vocabulary. That's weak, IMO.

[soleil]

She already apologized after our second mediation session. On the way to my car she said "I know this isn't what you want. I'm sorry."

I looked at her and didn't say anything. That didn't help me at all.

Yeah, really. What are you supposed to say to that?

Well count me in with you guys who say your spouses hardly ever apologized. I can count on my two hands the times that stbx said the word "Sorry." It was just not in his vocabulary. That's weak, IMO.

[antlers]

They would let the world come to an end before they would ever truly admit that they were sorry about the decisions they made that resulted in destruction of the family and marriage. They can't tolerate the fact that what they did was wrong...and truly apologizing would be an ownership that they did wrong...and that ain't happening! On top of that, I think they have truly convinced themselves that what they did was OK...regardless of how wrong it truly was. Jesus Himself couldn't convince them otherwise.

[soleil]

! On top of that, I think they have truly convinced themselves that what they did was OK...regardless of how wrong it truly was. Jesus Himself couldn't convince them otherwise.

LOL

[ImprovedRomeo]

Hey Antlers, how're things with you?

[antlers]

Hey Romeo.

Things are OK, especially under the circumstances. My son and I are doing well. I'm so thankful that I got custody of him. Me working, him being in school...typical everyday stuff. We spend lots of time together.
Thanks for asking.

[antlers]

I've noticed that the cheating spouses have convinced themselves that they have justification for what they are doing...regardless of how wrong it actually is. They all 'rationalize' and convince themselves that not only is what they are doing OK, it's "justified". Jesus Himself couldn't convince these people that what they are doing is grossly wrong. Some even convince themselves that they were "forced" into it. And if a spouse snoops and finds out about the infidelity of their spouse and they confront the cheater with it...the cheating spouse gets mad at them for snooping! The fact that they were cheating is irrelevant...they're pissed because of the snooping by their spouse!
I wouldn't recommend anyone expose their spouses affair in order to "shame" them. I think most people expose their spouses affair because they (the victim) need support. The pain is so deep. It is such a gross violation of trust, committed by someone who vowed to spend their life with you and be faithful to you, that once it happens...you need to tell people you are close to and trust, so they can be supportive of you.
I myself never said a word to anyone about my wife's cheating. I kept it to myself for 22 months. All of the time that I've spent on this board during the long separation, and after the divorce was filed by her, I kept it to myself. I worked on me, I addressed my shortcomings, and I succeeded. I remember vividly all of the times that she got off work at 5 pm, and wouldn't come home until 8, 8:30, or 9 pm at night. This was when she was pulling away. I would question her. She would lie. I remember vividly one night in particular that she came home about 9 pm after getting off work at 5, and she went and got in the shower (something that she NEVER did). And her blue panties were laying on the bathroom floor with fresh semen stains in them. I questioned her. She lied. I questioned her further and she went berserk! I remember her telling me that it "sickened and disgusted" her for me to touch her anymore. I had no control at all over her or what she did. All the while, I concentrated on myself and the changes that I needed to make in myself. She never acknowledged anything, she never accepted any blame at all, and was more than happy for me to shoulder all of it myself.
I needed the support of my family and close friends. So, after such a long time, and after much water had gone under the bridge...I told...my family and close friends, because I needed their support. It was after the mediation.
She still won't accept any responsibility to this day.