M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Mediation today lasted 6 hours. Cost me another $1500. Came up with a resolution though. Basically she gets 6 figures straight cash from me. She's presently buying a house with this money. The retirement portfolio that I singlehandedly built up over the years has been dealt a mortal blow. I have significantly less money now than she does. I'm gonna have to borrow to pay her! How is that right? Why does the one who left, and destroyed a family, get rewarded? And why does the one who tried to save the family, get punished? I did get custody of my son...she was not able to take him from me, and she was counting on that in order to get even more child support money from me. She got custody of my daughter, and I have to pay her child support until my daughter is 18. It's crazy that I have to pay her child support when we each have legal and physical custody of one of our children. She also demanded that I give her my wedding ring back (the one she gave me). I'm numb. But we avoided a trial, which would have cost me a bunch more money, and taken any decision making ability away from both of us. It would have also been much harder on the kids, and I did not want them to suffer any more than they have. My attorney believes that, under the circumstances, I came out of it as well as I possibly could..."it could have been worse". I do believe that...this is all just hard to stomach. I even offered to pay her the entire 4 years worth of child support on this end, and add it into the total...no go. I might get a raise over the next 4 years and she wants to have access to it in case it happens. I am physically and mentally exhausted...depleted. I am hurt, sad, pissed, poor, and in debt. I'm upset that one person can unilaterally dismantle a family and be rewarded financially for doing so; I'm upset that a person can be punished financially in a situation like this because they make more money than the person who destroyed the family. I told her that I would spend my last penny, and my last breath, to keep her from taking my kids away from me. She didn't seem bothered at all losing custody of our son. The GAL's report didn't do for her what she thought it would, especially when oldest daughter told the GAL "mom degrades my dad every time he is mentioned at our house", and "my mom is always making comments about when little brother is coming to live with us permanently, likes she's for sure getting full custody of both kids". Son is happy that I get custody of him. It's been awful. I feel like I got beat up severely, both emotionally and financially. It's going to take years to pay off this debt. Anyway, I did the best that I could possibly do. It is what it is. And I hate it.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Sometimes we have to make choices that are not ideal but it sounds like you did just that. Be proud that you allowed yourself to have decision making power via mediation. A trial would have eliminated most of your decision making power.
Your W is a greedy, greedy, greedy woman. But you know that. Her (your) children will know that too. Clearly she is not generous in spirit since she is comfortable bashing you in front of your children who are deeply suffering.
You might be in financial debt and for a while you will feel like you are in emotional debt but you will never have moral debt. And maybe that is the best victory to savor.
Be well, friend. While this experience is riddled with pain for you, it has been a great pleasure to watch you grow and rebuild yourself as a man. And make no mistake about it, you *are* a good man.
I'm awfully down. Can't help it. Worst it's been in about a year or more. It was like she's heartless...without a conscience. My life has taken a turn that I couldn't have imagined only a couple of years ago. Just can't grasp that this is the same person that shared life with me for so many years. I don't know what to do, or how to feel. I ask God for help, and it doesn't come. I hurt.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I know you hurt and I am so very, very sorry. I know the very hurt you speak of (we all do) and I wish I had a magic pill to make it all better (well, I *do* have magic pills that make things feel better but that wears off in about 24 hours ...
It is okay after such an intense mediation that brought things to a legal close you are unsure how to feel or what to do next. My goodness... you are a human being, not a robot! Several years of uncertainty and marital discourse was brought to a close in 6 hours. Give yourself a break!
Sometimes when we ask God for help we feel let down because the help is delivered to us in a way that we don't clearly see. I think your son will be an amazing source of strength and light for you.
It will take a long time to grasp all of this. Hell, I had an appt. this morning in a building next to the family court building and I almost had a panic attack right on the street! I saw all the divorce attnys milling around and people talking strategy and glaring at their spouses and I just wanted to scream at *something*. These wounds are deep and frequently reopened during the viscous legal cycle.
Hi Antlers, I am sad for the pain & loss you are experiencing. It sounds like taking this financial hit is even more of a double whammy.
I am happy for you about the custody of your son and have hope that the baby steps you are taking with your daughter will bear fruit soon. It sounds like from the comments from the GAL that your daughter is aware of what your XW is doing to manipulate them.
Thinking of you & wishing you peace. Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Keep your head up. I know this is hard and totally not something you would have ever imagined but you will come out on the other end. You are in the process of doing so right now, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Antlers, I'm sorry man! There are no words to make you feel better but take heart in knowing that you at least have some clear ideas of what needs to happen now and how to start rebuilding your life.
The financial hit is horrible when you're the one who worked so hard to build it up piece by piece. I'm in the same boat as you and heading down the same lake so I know how you feel. I'm sorry. But it's only money...it can be had again. And don't give up hope in your prayers. I'm not religious but lately I've started to believe in karma...she'll have to deal with hers when it comes knocking.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I might get a raise over the next 4 years and she wants to have access to it in case it happens.
Did you check with your L on that? Can you she even try for that if you are already D'ed and an agreement has been reached?
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
You might be in financial debt and for a while you will feel like you are in emotional debt but you will never have moral debt. And maybe that is the best victory to savor.
Indeed. You can rest easy every night knowing you TRIED and you are a better person today for it. Hug, Antlers!
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