I don't know- he seemed angry today as he will have to pay me more a month due to the med insurance snafu.
Maybe H got scared as we seemed to be getting a bit closer and getting along well. H talked alot-mentioned that " a few days of getting along well won't last and doesn't mean we should stay together and try again". I never brought it up. H said he is adamant we cannot stay married, but that he knows I think the M could be saved. My position all along was old M dead. All I ever advocated after bomb was dropped was trying to build a new M.
H putting the wedding picture away today was very telling.I think he was getting scared he wouldn't go through with leg sep or D. Mind reading, I know.
H very angry, told me I never appreciated the fact he put me through school, that I always took credit for everything I have, than he gave me advantages I never had before, etc. I don't understand the "attack".
The cat is going to stay away from the prey.
Hang in there~
Did you just listen or say anything to him? Did you validate him and his feelings?
Here is the perfect opportunity for you to "tease" him. Get dressed up and go out and make sure he sees it. Show him that you are moving on with or without him.
You know him best, but at the same time you don't. Most of it is mind reading. However, one thing that pops out to me is he doesn't think the changes, whatever is working, will stick. SHOW him you mean business, don't tell him.
You're right..H did say he doesn't think the good days like we had will last.
I did validate his feelings.
H asked me what he did that bothered me the most.I said I didn't feel validated. H told me that what he hates about me is that I am negative and complain. (true)
I will get dressed up one night this week and will go out- good idea.
Thanks!
I hope you are feeling better. Hang in there. We're all in this together~
Doing the DB and GAL is a gift for ourselves. I admit, some days I don't do much for myself, I get caught up in the mess that is my life right now. I do, however, keep inspired by these wonderful threads-they give me hope.
I am sorry about the lies your H told you-it's hard to forgive someone who does that. It can be done, but takes time.
You sound like a strong person and you will be okay no matter what ends up happening with your H.
You're right..H did say he doesn't think the good days like we had will last.
I did validate his feelings.
H asked me what he did that bothered me the most.I said I didn't feel validated. H told me that what he hates about me is that I am negative and complain. (true)
I will get dressed up one night this week and will go out- good idea.
Thanks!
I hope you are feeling better. Hang in there. We're all in this together~
Hi Susan1,
How are you doing? At the least I hope you're still not bummed out.
How have you been on your negativity around him? Have you done a good job at finding positivity in things?
YES! Be Beautiful, but not like you're on the make either. Even if you have to just drive around for a few hours, I think you will really make him think about things and you'll like feeling like a sexy cat
No, I 'm not bummed out anymore...more lawyer appts arranged, but that is the path we are on...
I made a huge attempt to say lots of positive things today.I just think it may be too late. H is moving forward with either leg sep or D.
I was the cat on the floor purring tonight...then H and I were intimate.He seems to regret it afterwards.
I will get dressed up Friday night and go out as you suggested.Even if I only drive to the mall or the nearest parking lot. lol.
Thanks for the help~
Take care
I'm glad you're not bummed. Keep working on you. LOOK for the positives and feel it, don't be fake. You need to find positives.
He's going to regret it, you're humbling his "Feelings". You are doing something correctly, but you HAVE TO CHANGE it up. If you want intimacy, fine. If you want your M, you need to become elusive. Cat wants a new toy! However, you have to be a better person for YOURSELF to let this catch your H's eyes.
Keep purring, but DONT let him take it so easily. He knows what you are trying to do. Again, let him taste IT, but now, pull away and MAKE him miss it. You don't have to be mean to pull this off. ITS WORKING.
You're right. I plan on backing off now. I will do the dressing up and going out, GAL, DB, go apt hunting, keep my lawyer appts, say several positive things every day, etc. I plan to keep my distance now that I have planted the "seed". Time to sit back and let H see what he will be missing!
Hope you are having a good day and are feeling better about things.
I am glad you are okay. And you will be okay no matter what. I truly feel many of us on these boards are the strongest people in the world, even if there are days we don't feel that strength.
I agree, taking a break from these boards is a good idea. Sometimes it can get depressing reading the sitchs.
I take each day as it comes- I find one day I feel "okay" about everything,(the " I can do it" speech), then the next day I have a feeling of fear and dread that grips my chest so tightly I feel as if I cannot breathe.
