I did threaten her last week and told her that if she didn't at least try to work things out like promised that I would try to go after at least part of the house as I could be vindictive and show that all the earnings were from me. I told her that I refuse to let the OM destroy our M and that if our M was to be destroyed I will only accept it if we could not work things out after trying.
Threatening, coercing, blackmailing. All very attractive traits, right? Sure to win her over, right? THINK.
Originally Posted By: lonelyguy
We had a verbal aggreement that if we ever got divorced that I we would keep everything we went into the M with. I would get the business, she would get the house, etc.
Live up to your prior agreement. Breaking your word now, will show her your true colors.
Originally Posted By: lonelyguy
Also I honestly don't believe that the are sleeping together. Before her surgery, we were still trying to work things out and were even intimate a couple times. He didn't start spending the night until after the hospital. Since her surgery had to deal with her stomach she still has at least 3 weeks before she is cleard from the doctor to resume sexual activity. In a few weeks, who knows...it's quite possible.
Dude... Even I'm not this blind. There's lots you can do before cleared by a doc. Plus they always make that waiting period a lot longer because they know horndogs won't wait.
Originally Posted By: lonelyguy
She also told me that the talked and a R wouldn't work for them as he is very religious and it would interfere with his religious beliefs. I call that BS because if he is religious he wouldn't be breaking the 10th commandment by coveting my wife.
You're being cuckolded right in front of your eyes, and letting her feed you this story? They have chutzpah!
Originally Posted By: lonelyguy
So I guess I'm back to square 1, as I can't move back into the house since it is in her name and if I demand to be there she would probably try to get a restraining order on me. Any other way to get him kicked out of the house?
For starters, don't do his dang job! Tell her to put her actions where her mouth is; he moves out, you move in, she breaks all contact with him. If she says no, then you cut all ties to her; this should be a NUTS (Non-Negotiable Unalterable Terms) for you.
well i just text her and told her that if she is unwilling to cut off all contact with him that I was going to cut off all ties to her. She responded asking that if she don't cut off all ties to him then am I going to file for the divorce. Don't know how to respond as I don't want to divorce.
Also a couple times it's been noted that I did his job for him. I didn't do his job, I did her job while she did his job.
well i just text her and told her that if she is unwilling to cut off all contact with him that I was going to cut off all ties to her. She responded asking that if she don't cut off all ties to him then am I going to file for the divorce. Don't know how to respond as I don't want to divorce.
Also a couple times it's been noted that I did his job for him. I didn't do his job, I did her job while she did his job.
You enabled her to do his job; that means you did his job essentially.
I wouldn't reply to her text; you set your boundary. Let her contact you. I wouldn't have done any of this via text, but that's cuz I'm an old fart. Talk in person, or on the phone.
Don't know how to respond as I don't want to divorce.
So the alternative is to be in this marriage the way it is?
You own your own business that breaks even and you work 8-16 hrs a day, what's the payoff in that?
You seem to settle for getting by instead of thriving.
Your wife trades her services for lunch/dinner dates. She asked you if you had any problems with that, she wanted you to fight for her right then.
She doesn't respect you or trust you to look out for her best interests.
If you want to have a shot at this then figure out what you really want and stop sending threats to her.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm just going to sit back for the next few days and reanalyze things. I don't really have any friends outside of work. My family has been supportive as they have been helping me with my current living situation (my parents own rental houses). I know that I need to find a way to have better finances, however it would be really hard for me to get a job right now because of my current looks. I know it sounds crazy, but I have bad teeth and a missing front tooth. I had $3,500 saved up to get them fixed, but the wife won't let me have access to that money. I need to get it fixed so that I can get another job. Shoot, I probably wouldn't be able to even get a date until after the oral surgery.
I'm not going to contact the wife for at least a few days. It's just so freaking hard to not worry about what is happening between her and the OM. I thought that by still helping with the route and mowing the lawn that it would prove to her that I am dedicated to making things work. She never asked for it as I just volunteered. Thought it was the right thing to do since she thought that I wouldn't change my old ways. Thought it would prove her wrong, but guess I was wrong all along.
How old are you and your W? How long have you been M?
In the first paragrap of your thread, it was clear to me that your W was past desparate for happiness. If you worked up to 16 hrs a day, that didn't leave much time for the two of you. Something tells me that she longed for romance but you were either too tired, too broke, or not interested. Then you waited too late, so she decided to see what it would take to shake you awake. But here's the thing....she wanted to see a knight in shinning armour come charging in and knock the OM on his butt, then sweep her up into his arms and go off into the sunset. You didn't do what she wanted. You didn't do anything like she wanted, even when OM was staying all night in your home with your W. She kept pushing OM at you b/c she wanted you to beat the snot out of him! She wanted to know you were jealous of her! She wanted a hero!
You were trying to make her see what a nice guy you are and how dedicated you are to making the M work....regardless of what she did....even with another man. But you see, that does not come off as being a nice guy, it comes off as you being worse than an old wore out doormat that just keeps laying there allowing people to wipe their sh*t on him. That ain't exactly sexy and it sure won't draw her to you.
You aren't being nice. You are being passive. If there is one thing that will turn a woman off...it is a passive man. In every paragraph you wrote, you told us how passive you really are and how you are allowing her to bully you. What do you mean she won't let you have access to the account to pay for dental care? Have some gumption, boy!
Now, get to a doctor and tell him that you are going days without sleep and having suicidal thoughts. He will give you meds that will help a lot....and if they don't help a lot, go back and tell him it didn't work and to give you something different. You have to get his attention and let him know how serious this is, okay? Then we'll get busy and get you to working toward a better life!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
BTW, you cannot let her disability dictate your actions b/c it has not been any kind of guideline for her behaviour. If she is on disability, why or how is she able to work?
Who has a route?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
How old are you and your W? How long have you been M?
In the first paragrap of your thread, it was clear to me that your W was past desparate for happiness. If you worked up to 16 hrs a day, that didn't leave much time for the two of you. Something tells me that she longed for romance but you were either too tired, too broke, or not interested. Then you waited too late, so she decided to see what it would take to shake you awake. But here's the thing....she wanted to see a knight in shinning armour come charging in and knock the OM on his butt, then sweep her up into his arms and go off into the sunset. You didn't do what she wanted. You didn't do anything like she wanted, even when OM was staying all night in your home with your W. She kept pushing OM at you b/c she wanted you to beat the snot out of him! She wanted to know you were jealous of her! She wanted a hero!
You were trying to make her see what a nice guy you are and how dedicated you are to making the M work....regardless of what she did....even with another man. But you see, that does not come off as being a nice guy, it comes off as you being worse than an old wore out doormat that just keeps laying there allowing people to wipe their sh*t on him. That ain't exactly sexy and it sure won't draw her to you.
You aren't being nice. You are being passive. If there is one thing that will turn a woman off...it is a passive man. In every paragraph you wrote, you told us how passive you really are and how you are allowing her to bully you. What do you mean she won't let you have access to the account to pay for dental care? Have some gumption, boy!
Now, get to a doctor and tell him that you are going days without sleep and having suicidal thoughts. He will give you meds that will help a lot....and if they don't help a lot, go back and tell him it didn't work and to give you something different. You have to get his attention and let him know how serious this is, okay? Then we'll get busy and get you to working toward a better life!
I am 35 and the W is 33. Next month will be our 8 year anniversary. We have been together for over 10 years. She really wasn't shoving the OM in my face as she was trying to hide everything from me. I found out by driving by the house everynight at 1:30 in the morning to see if his car was there. I don't think she wan't me to beat the crap out of the other guy because she has said that if I did anything to him that she would know it was me and call the cops. She called me up at 3am one night and accused me of slashing one of his tires. I assured her I had nothing to do to it and later on found out it was a just a bad tire. She told me once that a regular mature male would accept her friendship with him and I responded by saying that a regular mature guy would fight for her and beat the crap out of him. She didn't like that idea. I do think that you were right on about everything else. I did get about 8 hours of sleep last night, but will make an appointment with the doc and see if there is anything he can do. Will keep you informed. Thanks to everyone for all their help so far.
BTW, you cannot let her disability dictate your actions b/c it has not been any kind of guideline for her behaviour. If she is on disability, why or how is she able to work?
Who has a route?
She has the route, but the paycheck is in my name. She has a restriction on her license that she can't drive at night, but does anyway.
