He wants to feel loved, wanted and desired by his woman. Stop calling him logical. He is a man first, engineer second.
This is very true. We'd had a SSM for a long, long time. It was not all my fault but blame was dumped on me - just as our bad R was dumped on me. I acknowledged my role in these things, validated H's actions, agreed I didn't want to continue the old R, and after he had softened a big - for ex he didn't pull away if I touched his shoulder) - I intiated sx. The first couple times it was all about him. I can now say it has become very mutual. It was a turning point for H I believe.
Though we both felt unloved, unwanted, unappreciated, my self esteem is much better than his so it affected me differently. I owned my issues and have tried to correct them and I'm seeing results. H was not able/willing to make any changes and went to a lawyer out of a desperate need to stop hurting. I get that.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
Thanks for the 2x4.My head is getting sore from all of the knocks. You'd think I'd get it.
Okay..H is a man first, engineer second. We didn't discuss the lack of phy. R much at all. We just swept topic under the rug. Maybe H was /is getting phy needs met elsewhere, I don't know.
H told me when he dropped the bomb that I just didn't want any part of phy R..I didn't correct him, as was trying NOT to fight what he said.
How (or should) I let him know I have the hunger too? Is it not wise to go that route? May seem like manipulation.
Okay, I was being illogical. As I stated, H is logical, I struggle with being logical. It's not as much FUN being logical as being illogical. Again, the 2x4 up side the head.
That's great it worked out for you, the sx broke the ice. Might work for me, but not sure how to approach it or if I should.H may see as manipulation. H side steps so he stays far far away from me as possible when we are in the same room. I guess I am still a toxic bomb to him. lol
Unraveling a business partership is a great way to look at things.Not emotional, but taking care of business.I like that a lot. Will help me, thanks.
Neither H or I have a lawyer yet. A few meetings ago, H mentioned seeing only one L to save $$$$. I am not sure I am comfortable with that. My goal is to never get to that stage.
Hopefully, H WILL start feeling drawn to the softer, kinder me. Coach mentioned in a post that H feels invisible to me. I haven't looked at all this from that perspective. How sad all these R troubles are....
Susan - once he realizes you aren't going to fight with him, that you've told him you don't want to hurt him anymore (it seems to be helpful to say this) and you continue to be kind - that's the first step. Second, compliment him or his appearance. When you feel the tension ease, take it a step further - touch his arm, shoulder, head. Then, sit by him while he's watching tv or in bed or whatever feels easiest for you (for me it was TV - my H loves TV). I didn't talk about what I was going to do, I basically just laid down next to him on the couch and grabbed the goods!
I wouldn't worry about him thinking you are being manipulative. I suspect he is feeling very unloved and hurt at this point, and by showing him physical attention you will get a reaction. I don't think these guys (sorry guys for the generalization) think about it past the physical release. But if you get that, then you get closer to what emotional things they can offer you, and then it becomes a win-win.
Hope that helps.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
I don't think these guys (sorry guys for the generalization) think about it past the physical release.
A man doesn't need a woman then. Don't be naive.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I would be quite nervous doing as you suggested.In my case, I believe H would be suspicious.I know I would be- after after almost 4 months of no phy contact, all of a sudden I try to "warm" up to H. I feel at this point H would reject me.
