I'm kind of unclear on why you don't see filing for primary custody as an option? So themselves can live with you where your job market is best and visit STBX for two months in the summer?
Is Cali that tilted in favor of Sacred Motherhood that you don't even think it's worth trying?
This was my question as well. Even if Virginia isn't the fanciest of these here 50 states, I'm a thinkin' that they still have those day care-thingamajigs. Or nannies.
It could be done, right? I was the stay-at-homer in my sitch for a few years, I still have an income just 1/5 of my xH's and I got primary custody...made sense because he travels a solid 100 days plus per year. I have the more reliable schedule and parenting history, so they live with me more than with him...
Have to think about it this way: do I want to create that kind of drawn-out custody battle? Would it serve their best interests? Could I afford it, recognizing the toughness of that sell to a court system that really likes 50/50: take the children away from what's familiar, away from their friends, and away from a mother who earns over a quarter-million dollars (and owns or co-owns income-producing properties here and there worth over a million), when even under the best of best-case scenarios I'd command less than half that? Just to substitute babysitters here for babysitters there?
Doesn't look like much a hand to play, at least not to me.
The former spouse made $350K. I was a stay at home mom.
His choice of lawyers depleted all our savings, stocks and bonds leaving both of us with debt. Somehow I financed at least $40,000 of his sizable legal fees which placed me in a very tenuous position.
I have the house, a steadily depreciating asset which in spite of competitive pricing has not sold. This is my chunk of the settlement.
He does not give a cent to the two older boys, which includes not contributing a dime to any aspect of their college education or any associated costs. He pays the court prescribed amount of support for our minor daughter but not one penny over.. nothing for her extracurricular activities, voice lessons. Period.
I live in one of the most expensive counties in the country and made a vow that I would not uproot my children. That with their father's abandonment (and even without that) that where ever I am is home. That I am their Mom and I'm not going anywhere.
My daughter was 13 when he left, one of the most dangerous developmental ages with a divorce and a father's abandonment. Drugs, drinking, promiscuous behavior.. you name, it kicks in with the situation she was in. I focused on her passions. She loves theater. She knows that her voice lessons are as important as the mortgage.
My goal for the kids was for them to feel safe and secure. Although my financial future was rocky, I wanted them to have a firm foundation, to know that they are loved, respected and accepted. That I am and will always be their mom.. that although the family shattered, that the love I have always remains.
When the house sells, I'll move to a condo that's 30 years old in the same area of town. It will be small, out dated, hopefully have three bedrooms. The Lexus is gone. The affluent lifestyle a thing of the past. But.. stuff is stuff.
And nothing can replace a caring, nurturing parent. And you are such a father.
So.. your divorcing spouse has been terrified of you getting alimony, even though it's standard in your situation. She skirts around your potential earnings.. which ends up being a fantasy number in today's economy.
The dynamics I've observed with your situation is that she manipulates you in whatever form she desires.
Screw her.. just screw her (not in the Schmuckatellis manner). It's not about her. It's about what your children, Themselves, will lose without YOU.
Divorce is exhausting. It's financially and emotionally devastating. Your lifestyle will be altered dramatically. But in the end, the most important aspect is intangible. Is being a father, THE father to your beautiful, joyful, beaming children.
Kick ass... and assure their future foundation is based on love, trust, being the example of a strong and noble man for your son and showing your daughter what to expect with love and relationships, how to be treated by a man.
And then.. just then.. your children will be able to grow and develop healthy relationships now and in the future based on the father who is always there.
The former spouse made $350K. I was a stay at home mom.
His choice of lawyers depleted all our savings, stocks and bonds leaving both of us with debt. Somehow I financed at least $40,000 of his sizable legal fees which placed me in a very tenuous position.
I have the house, a steadily depreciating asset which in spite of competitive pricing has not sold. This is my chunk of the settlement.
He does not give a cent to the two older boys, which includes not contributing a dime to any aspect of their college education or any associated costs. He pays the court prescribed amount of support for our minor daughter but not one penny over.. nothing for her extracurricular activities, voice lessons. Period.
I live in one of the most expensive counties in the country and made a vow that I would not uproot my children. That with their father's abandonment (and even without that) that where ever I am is home. That I am their Mom and I'm not going anywhere.
My daughter was 13 when he left, one of the most dangerous developmental ages with a divorce and a father's abandonment. Drugs, drinking, promiscuous behavior.. you name, it kicks in with the situation she was in. I focused on her passions. She loves theater. She knows that her voice lessons are as important as the mortgage.
My goal for the kids was for them to feel safe and secure. Although my financial future was rocky, I wanted them to have a firm foundation, to know that they are loved, respected and accepted. That I am and will always be their mom.. that although the family shattered, that the love I have always remains.
When the house sells, I'll move to a condo that's 30 years old in the same area of town. It will be small, out dated, hopefully have three bedrooms. The Lexus is gone. The affluent lifestyle a thing of the past. But.. stuff is stuff.
And nothing can replace a caring, nurturing parent. And you are such a father.
So.. your divorcing spouse has been terrified of you getting alimony, even though it's standard in your situation. She skirts around your potential earnings.. which ends up being a fantasy number in today's economy.
The dynamics I've observed with your situation is that she manipulates you in whatever form she desires.
Screw her.. just screw her (not in the Schmuckatellis manner). It's not about her. It's about what your children, Themselves, will lose without YOU.
Divorce is exhausting. It's financially and emotionally devastating. Your lifestyle will be altered dramatically. But in the end, the most important aspect is intangible. Is being a father, THE father to your beautiful, joyful, beaming children.
Kick ass... and assure their future foundation is based on love, trust, being the example of a strong and noble man for your son and showing your daughter what to expect with love and relationships, how to be treated by a man.
And then.. just then.. your children will be able to grow and develop healthy relationships now and in the future based on the father who is always there.
But this fellow offered me a job, you see. Seems like a nice guy. Apparently there's some question as to whether or not he's a "real" American, and a bunch of looney-tunes keep asking him for a copy of his birth certificate. But he does live in this really smashing house, nice set-back, beautiful rose garden. Anyway, I'm supposed to drop by again on my way back from Southern European City week after next. So there's that to contend with, too. I hear he's pretty persuasive.
Maybe he considers you one of "the best and the brightest"! It might be challenging and exciting. They've beefed up the retirement system...you can work for em' without making a lifetime commitment of it. Then again, there's always the red tape, resource instability due to changing Administration and Congressional priorities, and targeting of agencies, programs, and individuals for attack by political figures are still day-to-day realities. BTW, that post by Gypsy was damn good stuff! Whatever you choose...good luck!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I hear they have nifty schools. If this guy is persuasive enough maybe he can get a higher up judge to review the divorce and wrap it all up. The time to relocate is before the kids are in high school. And I figure you're a pretty persuasive guy in your own right when it comes to the incentives it would take to move.
If not, wouldn't it be a really cool thing if both parents are too busy with their careers for the kids! (Cheap shot.. I know)
