I'm really sorry antlers...I can completely understand how you feel. My STBXW is doing some crazy stuff too. In fact, I just got done writing her temp support payments and it pisses me off to no end that she even complained to her attorney that I didn't give her the money from last year's tax return. Hello!!!! you were unemployed the WHOLE year!!...you didn't pay any taxes but you want half of my tax return too? The really f'd up part about is that financially she's always been irresponsible whether she made $40k/yr or $80k/yr and I always saved money for the rainly day (retirement, vacations etc) and still bailed her out most of the time. And now I gotta give her half of every thing I saved on top of the ridiculous alimony+cs because she's making next to nothing. It's such a sore topic for me.
I'm sorry she's turned into a witch for you. Hang in there, you sound like an honest, caring guy...don't let her take that away from you.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
charges against me for failure to pay child support, I got something in the mail last Feb. telling me that I was supposed to start paying the previous November!
Hard to get my brain around the hatred that she has for me.
Really??
To her.. you were ordered to pay child support over 6 months ago with no action on your part to follow through or on your attorney's part to indicate you would contest it.
To her.. you have been shirking your duty as a father/provider, despite your words during this 6 month time.
While I understand you didn't understand the initial order and your lawyer appears to have dropped the ball on explaining it to you... try seeing it from her perspective.
And now, that you have been 'forced' to pay (from her perspective with the contempt charges)... you apparently can come up with the cash all at once...
I can understand why she would be at least irritated with the situation and your actions.
I say this not to poke at you.. but to give you some perspective... because I know you are open to it
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Then, in preparation for the final resolution conference, some papers asked about child support arrearage, and my attorney's staff wrote "not applicable"...so I still believed that there was not a problem.
Bridge, I see what you're saying but the way I read it was he didn't know or wasn't told by anyone he had to pay. Why didn't she/her-attorney call or write to antler's attorney after the first 'missed' payment? why wait 3 months let alone 6!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I see you getting caught up in seeing only one side..
we've have heard Antler's side.. I understand WHY he didn't pay (as you have pointed out)... I wouldn't have paid either based on what his lawyers gave for advice.
HOWEVER it's not JUST about antlers.
It's also about HER perspective. He stated he didn't understand where her anger was coming from.
You asked "Why didn't she write or call??"
Our lawyers tell us (& the advice here) is DO NOT talk the D stuff directly to the ex spouse.. deal only with the lawyers. Did she? who knows..
did her lawyer drop the ball on it? who knows...
maybe to her she was giving him ample opportunity to show his changes. SHE did not see the "Not applicable" writing from his lawyer to understand
End result TO HER: she had a court order for child support.. and despite antlers words of supporting & loving his family.. his action were to NOT pay until there were contempt of court chargers brought.
I would be pissed too, but perhaps I am the only one.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
StupidRomeo and Bridgestone, thank you both for your posts. I appreciate your input.
I started paying after the final resloution conference (that's when my attorney made the order clear to me) and BEFORE there were contempt of court charges filed.
During this long separation (we were separated for 8 months before she filed for divorce), I continued to make her car payments, and I continued to make her car insurance payments. I wasn't bound to do these things. I've since paid her car off completely. During this time, I've also spent a couple of thousand bucks on clothing for the kids. I've continued to take care of my family as I always have, under the difficult circumstances that have been documented in the pages on this board.
She was pissed during the 8 month separation, from Feb. of 09 to Oct. of 09...while I was paying for her car and making her insurance payments (even though I wasn't required to). She was pissed when she borrowed my luggage to go on one of her ocean cruises, and then stole the luggage; she was pissed when she borrowed my expensive Craftsman drill to hang up something in her house, and then stole the drill, and she's been pissed since she filed for divorce last October, even before there was an order to pay child support...and she's been pissed ever since. She's basically been pissed since she left in Feb. of 09...and I have no doubt that she would've still been pissed had I understood the order and been paying since last November!
She started seeing changes in me before she left, and she saw plenty of changes in me during the separation...before she filed for divorce. Her anger sure isn't about not getting her 'child support'!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
women! they don't need a particular reason to be pissed!
Only kidding Bridge!!
Antlers, how're you doing?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
women! they don't need a particular reason to be pissed!
Only kidding Bridge!!
Antlers, how're you doing?
I think people, some of em' anyway, are able to justify their actions...regardless of how mean, vindictive, and wrong they are. Destroying a family, destroying the only safety and security the kids have ever known...and then trying to take the kids away from the STBXS by whatever rotten means necessary, and also taking punitive actions designed to leave the STBXS destitute financially by whatever rotten means necessary...and being completely able to justify these actions in one's own mind...well, it's hard for me to understand that when it's being done by someone that once professed undying love for me...someone who I believed I would go through life with.
I'm doing great!
Actually, things are kinda rough. I'm doing my best, but damn...I really wouldn't wish this crap on a devout Nazi! Hurt and disappointment are the main emotions in my life right now. I keep thinking it'll get better, but so far, it continues to get worse. Found out today that my attorney charged me 400 bucks for the appraisal on the house! What a screw...pants on, no vaseline, and no kissing.
Last edited by antlers; 06/11/1008:40 PM.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
