Alas, no longer. I'm in Nor Cal and what they call beaches up here.....well, technically they are.
I'd be such a greenhorn now, it would be a laugh. Laughter however, is always good. Nothing like watching a "goofyfoot" my age surfing again. People might think I was having a MLC. :0
I know what you mean...when I'm dead standing in front of St. Peter I am sure as heck going to be worried about what strangers thought of me back when I was alive.
Come on Grace...F them. Go do for you and screw what MOST people may think.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Several of us, myself included, are moving through this journey and have encountered what I believe is a major sign post.
An essential step.
An understanding.
An awakening of sorts.
I am referring to that moment when one reconciles the dilemna of STANDING.
I have written already about the fact that as we begin this journey we decide to STAND.
We STAND because of what I will call BASE factors
We want our M back
We want our spouse to want us back
We want our spouse to see us as the more desirable option
We want to ease our own pain
We want our own self esteem back
We (may) want to punish spouse by appearing to be morally superior
We want ________ because we get _________ in return.
We STAND on these principles.
We communicate these principles and inevitably we meet with question and resistance.
From family, friends and
from ourselves.
Because it is hard for most people to imagine themselves making this decision.
It is a sacrifice of sorts at this stage.
We are looked on as victims of bad behavior, incongruent behavior to REAL LOVE.
So in that light we begin to feel like victims or that we are being taken advantage of in a sense and are perceived as such by the world. A DOORMAT if you will.
As time goes on and those who care about us begin to be more concerned about our mental and emotional health and question more emphatically why we choose to be a DOORMAT.
Or how long will you be a DOORMAT.
Then you begin to doubt yourself and your decision and the focus goes back to your beloved and now you look on them not with eyes of a scourned lover, a left behind, abandoned spouse, but with real scrutiny.
We begin to question why we would SACRIFICE our own happiness and endure such hardship to regain the love of a person who so obviously is not capable of the same for us or even anyone else.
It is then that the MIRACLE happens.
Through all the pain and seemingly fallow soil a sprout
of green punches through...
This growth is something new and it
is OURS, we planted it, we sowed it
For it is certain our seed was trampled upon many times before
it took root.
But it did take root and
it grows, upwardly reaching, toward the light.
The miracle is the love for yourself.
You are no longer the choices your spouse makes
You are no longer whether your M reconciles or not
You are no longer the failures you see in yourself
You are no longer a victim because only YOU can choose to be one.
Then you a FREE
Free to make the choice to STAND for YOURSELF.
This I believe can only be achieved through the decision to STAND in the first place.
Only through that decision can we experience the pain involved to know completely what it means to be free.
What is means to love.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Truegritter, thank you for such a moving post - incredibly insightful and resonating with me as I sit here in a rainy corner of the UK!
Thank you
lalxx
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
This I believe can only be achieved through the decision to STAND in the first place.
Only through that decision can we experience the pain involved to know completely what it means to be free.
What is means to love.
omg...is there something in the freakin water around here? lol
I'm just going to be in tears all day, True. This is perfect. And so incredibly true. This is it.
We kept questioning it, and we kept getting told, "you'll know when you know". Now we know what that actually means. And we know.
I'm happy that you are here. I'm happy that I am here. I'm happy that there are more of us *right here*.
I'm sorry that any of us have known such heartache, but so grateful that I have learned such an important lesson about life, and love & myself.
Maybe this was necessary. Maybe my H & I were never meant to be together forever, I'll never know & I can't second guess God's plans for me. But if this had to end, then I will be eternally grateful for the gift I've been given in the process.
How many people ever, truly, know who they are?
I will not ever regret my M or my H--I have been blessed in every respect; having known such a wonderful love, my children, a real happiness and now this. It's been difficult and painful, but it's still a blessing.
Sometimes God's greatest gifts are the hardest ones to open.
(((hugs)))
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
TG - your post on Awakening/Standing has really touched me....you have no idea how it helped me to organize my scattered thoughts and to look at the big picture. Thank you
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
