Been gone for a few days so I am back peddling a bit here.
Standing…
You are not doing it for her at all…
It is not a choice that you give to your crazy MLC spouse…
It is a gift you give to yourself…
To ensure that YOU don’t make mistakes in your decisions about YOUR life…
If you get your M back, that is wonderful and great and just well WOOPIE!!!
If you don’t, you are still a better man for it.
Which is an even bigger WOOPIE!!!!!!!!
So stop all of the buts...
You are right they are keeping you stuck, you are even using them as an excuse to not SEE what you want to really kill, and if you go back to your own words, where you say you can’t see what it is you want to zero in on, it is right there in the post….
There are no buts…you either do it or you don’t. If you do, you do it for YOU and no other reason…
Once you really realize that, you will not be stuck in that land anymore…
Yes Shel, when the buts are used for contrast only, totally acceptable, but when they are used to create an excuse by disguising it as a contrast or a “reason” like “I want to go in the pool, but it is green…” Well then there is something in that statement that is a variable, an excuse, something that can be changed. So change it or figure out a way to make it not be a problem so that you can continue on with what you want to do.
The more you pay attention to this, the more you will see it…
Anyway, Grit, have a great weekend, don’t party too much if that is truly something you want to stop. Alcohol, is something that can be used for recreation, or something that can be used to hide from things you don’t want to face. It is YOUR CHOICE how you want to use it.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Have a great weekend dude! Enjoy the beach! FTR - I call my 70lbs Golden Doodle (no comments please Mach) a puppy.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm loving the last few pages of this thread. So much good stuff here! True, I appreciate so much what you wrote about the *buts* and *whatifs* holding you back. It's hard to not let your mind wander.
I'm reading Laura Munson's book about her LBS journey & she talks about "the end of suffering" and how it ends at the end of wanting. It's hard not to want something, not to want your W & M back, not want to make the pain go away, not want to make this all better. It's difficult to just live int he moment, to appreciate the here & now and not WANT to be in a different place. But this is what we have to do. I'm still learning, and I think you are doing great.
I'm betting that you are going to enjoy living in the moment this weekend. It sounds like a fantastic time! Have fun.
Cat, I hear ya. I got busted by the but police early on. And it is so true, it's the stuff after the buts you have to work on. I was just messing around with the but cops--I know I shouldn't, but it's so much fun!! (that one was intentional)
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
I still have to watch my but's. I has gotten alot better (ready?), but I know I'll continue to keep a watchful eye out for the rest of my life. Just sayin'.
My question is....is it a long board? You realize you could be giving age away with the answer
