W has PTSD and in MLC

[Jack_Three_Beans]

What if it's simply the use of a preposition intended to show contrast rather than exception?

: ) I LIKE you.

When that is the case, of course it is totally acceptable, but it is usually used to show exception.

[Truegritter]

What if it's simply the use of a preposition intended to show contrast rather than exception?

That is the the exception to the exception...

[Truegritter]

things you hate kill those, not the effects of them.

I guess you're right Jack. The first thing you notice is the effects though...

I like your suugestions though. Those are things that would make me feel more like a man who lives with courage dignity and grace.

Some other things I have been working on is also a symptom.

I wake up every morning and feel anxious. Maybe a little dread of the day ahead of me...

I don't like that symptom either but I am not sure I know the cause except that I need to have a purpose to my day and I need to look forward to that purpose. I need to like that purpose. And that purpose needs to be about me.

This stuff is HARD. I want a laser shot but it is hard to know what I'm aiming at.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I wouldn't mind living with Grace.

She's a pretty lady.

[Truegritter]

I wouldn't mind living with Grace.

She's a pretty lady.

Thanks Jack that helps! LOL!

[Truegritter]

Seriously now...

I just finished the 5 Love Languages and took the test and....

I failed.

No....Not really

I got that my language is quality time with an extremely close 2nd of Acts of service.

If I had to guess my W is probably Gifts or acts of service but that would just be just a wild a$$ guess.

So it says to share my score with my W so I called her up and I shared my score with her....










Just Kidding!

[seeking answers]

Grit, you're just full of --it. HS that is. Better than bull...

Just kidding, you're really growing and I'm impressed. Lots of good stuff there.

[Truegritter]

You have come a way. You have made a breakthrough.

But it appears that you are trying to skip steps.

I think I know what this means...

There was a part of the LBS stages that hasn't really been debated that I have seen on the recent threads on the topic. It got lost. And I didn't see it in my process until now...

THE TEMPTATION IN THE FACE OF COMPLETE REJECTION

It is that bargaining process between who you are. YOUR character. VS the EGO or self preservation.

Someone is doing things to you... so naturally you blame them and ask yourself why would I do this for them?

The tempatation is to leave the process...to leave your decision to stand. To leave or try to control your spouse. To attach outcomes to your decision to stand.

This is the step I was missing!

I willl post what I posted on another thread here so I can have it here for me.

This is what I want to say about it ...

[Truegritter]

This is a continuation of that ^^^^^^^^^^

IMO standing is an essential part of the healing process of the LBS. You will constantly questions this throughout. At least I have up to this point.

You will ask yourself questions like "WTF am I doing this for this person?"

In the beginning we want answers.

Why did this happen?

How could they do this?
Who am I?
What do I believe in?
What do my vows mean to me?
Why do I hurt?

And the BIG ONE...

What is it about ME that made them leave?

IMO you don't get answers unless you choose to take the hard road, STAND, and go on the journey.

At first you tend to look at it as a quid pro quo- I am willing to do this for a while until I see some progress. IOW you do it EXPECTING some outcome ...

As time goes on and your expectations aren't met you question again...

It is all part to of the journey. You may even have trouble articulating why you are doing this to other people or yourself.

Then you start to look inside....

Then you start to see who YOU are...

Then you realize that this is part of YOU

What you have chosen is part of YOU and your character. So what began out of a search for answers for why and what is wrong with you. Out of hurt for what someone did to you...

You see it all has to do with who YOU are. The best part of who YOU are and then...

It is no longer about what THEY choose or why.

It is about YOU.

[seeking answers]

Grit, I agree with you totally, and the above is why if the LBS chooses to do the work they can look at their journey as a blessing.