They are so selfish and self-centered at this point, that they think of NO ONE but themselves. For the overwhelming majority of our relationship, I never knew her to be this way. But she is now, and has been since she decided to leave. I got so 'walked all over' for a long, long time after she left...I got stomped into the mud.
I wish I hadn't been the way I was during a lot of our relationship.
I've had true remorse, I repented, I shouldered what I had done, I apologized profusely, I tried to make amends and atone, I asked for forgiveness...and I changed.
But damn! I'm not going to be 'walked all over' any more...I'm not going to be stomped into the mud anymore. I'm fighting like a mutha' to come out of this awful divorce as well as I possibly can for my kids and myself.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Why do I still hurt? And why do I still wish that I could 'fix' things, and make the situation better for all of us?
Because you are human. Because you made a commitment and expected to see it through for your ENTIRE life, not just until you felt like walking away from it, or something that sounded better came along. Because you actually meant the vows you took.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
"Actions over time speak louder than words." - Gypsy
I haven't seen my oldest daughter since last October. I haven't seen my youngest daughter since we got back from Spring Break. It breaks my heart. I still text them to let them know that, despite all of this, I still care. I never hear from them. My son and I have been spending some good time together though.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I still text them to let them know that, despite all of this, I still care.
That's the right thing to do. It's honorable and is a reflection of who you really are. Doing this matters. Even though your daughters aren't responding they are watching your actions. You are a good man Antlers.
Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach and IWITW...thanks guys. I plan on continuing to do so. Even though things are so bad, I know in my heart that I love them. And I want them to know that too. I hope they will someday want me to be a part of their lives.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Honor - A code of dignity, integrity, and pride maintained without legal or other obligations.
I got this from one of sandi's posts earlier today. It's such good stuff, that I wanted it here too. Living with 'honor' these days, I believe, is the exception rather than the rule.
"Living well is the best revenge."
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Why do I still hurt? And why do I still wish that I could 'fix' things, and make the situation better for all of us?
Because you are human. Because you made a commitment and expected to see it through for your ENTIRE life, not just until you felt like walking away from it, or something that sounded better came along. Because you actually meant the vows you took.
^^^THIS^^^ And
Originally Posted By: antlers
I still text them to let them know that, despite all of this, I still care.
They'll be back. Keep doing what you're doing; keep being who you are. They'll be back.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
