W has PTSD and in MLC

[ericmsant2]

you own a pink shirt with sparkles on it.

Hey - I own quite a few pink shirts...no sparkles though so what does that mean

I think Mach owns a purple one

[Grace_O]

Pastels were quite manly in the 80's. At least that's what I've heard....<hair flip>

[Truegritter]

Oh yeah I had one and wore it with khakis and bass weejun loafers with no socks...of course I had the collar flipped up in the back.

[Truegritter]

Still reading the 5 languages...

I more and more undertsand this:

Until you complete your own process of self examination (mirror work) you shouldn't say a f@cking word to your spouse. Except "I understand".

Because until you really do UNDERSTAND...

Everytime you open your mouth you confirm that you are the same person from the dead M.

You confirm that you are the person they want to leave.

You confirm their rationalization for having an A.

So just let them go...for now.

[Lostforwords]

TG-

You needed a book to learn that concept? LOL...seriously, those are the steps we all need to take.

First understand yourself and then try to understand everything else.

[Truegritter]

You needed a book to learn that concept?

It wasn't the book it was

learning the concept,
not doing it,
Getting sh!t upon,
listening to concept again,
not doing it,
Getting sh!t upon,

Then...

Reading the book and actually undersatnding through experience and how my W maybe sees me.

Really it is just understanding that you can't talk your way out of something you acted your way into...

I remember reading a fortune cookie that said

"better for jackass to keep mouth shut, than to open it and remove all doubt."

Maybe I made that up...

[cat04]

Until you complete your own process of self examination (mirror work) you shouldn't say a f@cking word to your spouse. Except "I understand".

Because until you really do UNDERSTAND...

Grit,

It is after this point that you MAY be able to say something.

It is also after this point that you may not WANT to say too much anymore.

Please, don’t ever think the mirror work is done. It should slow down after a point, but it is something that SHOULD always remain a part of who you are becoming…

[Mach1]

Reading the book and actually undersatnding through experience and how my W maybe sees me.

Really Grit ?

This early ?

Most people use an alarm clock, and you want a smack to the forehead....



This is FOR YOU......not how, what, when, where your W sees you.


Want controlling ? Change for her and she'll sniff you out like a K-9 dog on a Cheech and Chong movie set.

[Truegritter]

Cat

Thanks. I do realize that this will ALWAYS be a work in progress.

It is also after this point that you may not WANT to say too much anymore.

I see what you mean about this too. I am looking back at how I interact with W. The communications I have had with her since the bomb. I realize I come from a place that FORCES my own agenda. I get frustrated when my ideas are not understood. I want to fix, I don't want to listen. I solve problems...

...I don't create them???? <<<<<<< This is a problem for me.


I don't want to be the overbearing husband or friend. I don't want to be the fixer. And I think examining that is a goal for me and then maybe every morning I need to drink a big glass of...

...STFU!

And listen.

[Truegritter]

Mach

OK I'm awake now!

But isn't part of this examination to look outside yourself?

To look in the mirror you have to admit some things to yourself.

I am not saying I am changing my behavior for W.

I am only saying that I can see her POV.

I am squeezing out the sponge of self absorption.

I got lost in my R with W. I lost myself.