True - try no to let her suck you in. Its hard dude I know. Just be friendly and loving but don't try and rescue her (I do the same dude so I understand). Just be her friend. Listen and then listen some more. Balance this with a little NC and you will be fine.
Now pick yourself up and keep freaking moving forward.
God Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
hey Grit Just letting you know that I am reading along. I see your W is reaching out more...don't undo all the hard work you have done. I am also not sure if you should be paying for her Real Estate license..I know that you made a commitment but....I think it is enabling a bit and might be some 'doormat' behavior going on. She broke the most important commitment ever- I am not saying you need to stoop to her level..but I just would hate for you to be taken advantage of. You are just getting back on your feet yourself....she needs to take the necessary actions to get herself back on her feet as well. Don't bail her out. Just my opinion.
Eric Thank you so much. We are so close on all this stuff you get what's going on EXACTLY.
Thank you.
Lola it makes a lot of sense what you say and it is always good to get a woman's POV.
I really don't think she will follow through with me paying, She doesn't really take advantage even when I am dumb enough to offer. This is strange stuff....
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Yeah i get it dude. I go thru a lot of the same emotions man. Everytime I see her my heart still screams out. I still have moments where I want to shake her and tell her it is going to be okay and they I still love her. I want to tell her that we can work on this. Then I realize that she is gone...gone..she is on her own journey.
Reading your post I see some similarities. My W is pretty cordial, does not appear to be taking advantage of me. Does not argue, is not really a spender. The bottom line for both you and I (IMO of course)....is right now they feel the do not or cannot be with us. You and I need to realize that we cannot make them "feel it". We cannot make them realize how much we love them. You and I both know what we need to do...what we CAN do...which is.
GROW, LEARN, fix our own issues, detach and be them for them when we can. Not as enablers not as fixers but as MEN that love them. MEN that are so confident in who we are and what we stand for. MEN who finally know that WE control our destiny. Remember - we decide when it is over. We do!
Not sure what type of music you listen to. Personally, I am a big Creed fan. Listen to the song "TIME" on thier latest album...
"heads down your no friend of mine"...that right dude. Pick yourself up. Allow yourself to feel your love for her..then keep living.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Until OM is gone. This HAS to be her choice. She has to realize that love is not the excitement of new relationships and that it was an escape from her problems. That HAS to happen for us to have a mature committed R
We all know this yet we all struggle to find that balance of how to best relate to WS in the mean time.
Eric - great post, very insightful, resonates my feelings... accept in my case it is gender reversed.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
W called yesterday. Started telling me all this stuff that waas going on. Said everything is falling apart. Dishwasher is broken now. Air condtitoner is broken and she doesn't have money to fix anything. She did get the job but not real happy with it. It was just a pity party and then we both started laughing about it because it is so bad you HAVE to laugh.
That's how it started and then I said so now what?
She launched into all the struggles we've had since the beginning. She doesn't think she wants it. Can't think of being around my family or friends with what she did and how I reacted to it. Was mad about everybody in town knowing becasue of me when I left. Is pissed and embarrased. Mad that I am doing well and insulated from all the troubles she having. Leaned on her mother. Doesn't want to anymore. I tried to just listen.
She said "you think I have boyfriends and I don't" She said she may move out of state...etc.
I said so that's it? She got upset and said she couldn't talk about this now. I said I would like it if we talk face to face and suggested I come over sometime... she said not tonight cause she was heading out. That was weird I didn't say I would tonight??
I don't know what all this means I think she is really starting to think about everything and is now trying to reconcile the damage she has caused. She is still blaming me and angry with me. But that might not be a bad thing. At least it is something and she's talking about it which means she's thinking things through.
I texted her after and said: i know you have doubts and that things seem hopeless for us but I have really come so far. Please trust me when I say I am not the man I was. Don't give up on us. I haven't... even after everthing.
I don't know may be just poking her head out of the tunnel.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I'm not against an MLCer having guilt, I am however against guilt that is caused directly by the LBS.
Mach, while I totally agree with you maybe you could explain what happens when the LBS does this. Does it prolong the time in the tunnel? Or is it just cruel?
