I agree with Mach and I also understand how you may be feeling dude so don't sweat the pulling your back in that she did. Having said this...
As you know my W remains in a R with OM. I know how thoughts of the OM can really just piss you off. We say if OM is in the picture then I will not be...we make committments that we don't want to break..we want to be "men of our word" - we do. Only problem is deep down inside, we still want W, we still think that maybe we can do something (like be a man of our word) that will make them realize what they are throwing away. Guess what? We have no control over them buddy. You know this - I know this - We just need to keep reminding ourselves this.
Although we say that if OM is still in the picture we will not be. We know we need to set boundaries but we don't. Why? Deep down inside is a little fear...a little boy who does not want to let completely go and he is the one who refuses to set the boundaries that we know we need.
True - I think I am speaking to both of us when I say this... You have committed to paying for RE school/classes for you W, this is nobel and maybe you should continue to do it. Hell maybe I should continue to live up to the committments that I made to my W. IMO the question that you and I must answer is...what DO WE really want to do - fear, insecurities, and anger aside. What is the right thing to do? What is it that the MEN that we have become would do? Can you and I live up to the committments and expect nothing in return? When I mean nothing I mean...Not even a convo about the R. Not even some small crumb that we may need to give us some hope. Nope - NADA (hey I'm a Rican so had to have at least one spanish work). Can we do it because we love them? Do it because we love them enough to let them go. Cause once we truly let go, we will have no expectations. We will not have the fear...make that need...to have any R discussions.
You my friend are still an inspiration and hopefully you do not take my post the wrong way. Your the still the fu*king man.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Deep down inside is a little fear...a little boy who does not want to let completely go and he is the one who refuses to set the boundaries that we know we need.
Yes I recognize that fear and that is where I have come from. From my earlier post I feel I DO need this boundary to completely detach.
Originally Posted By: eric
Can you and I live up to the committments and expect nothing in return? When I mean nothing I mean...Not even a convo about the R.
I will pay for the RE school for this very reason. I have come from a fixer/rescuer to being able to do this with no expectations. I truly can do this and walk away with love.
I recognize now when I am strong and when I stumble. I stumble when she engages me and pulls me into the emotions or hope that our life may be heading foward together...but i know that it can't ...
Until OM is gone. This HAS to be her choice. She has to realize that love is not the excitement of new relationships and that it was an escape from her problems. That HAS to happen for us to have a mature committed R.
I understand that.
She has to be the one to make the choice to return to this M and also to recognize that the old one is dead and understand its loss and what that means. She has to experience that and as long as I let LIMBO go on she won't.
She is creeping her way back to me right now. Testing the waters. She emailed yesterday that she thinks she has job. Then again last night she said she was going to call me but her phone was dead and emailed asking me how my day was. So she is starting to engage me on a regular basis. Every few days.
This has not happened before. She is initiating the contact. For now I will just listen I think. I know I will get sucked in by it but I will try not to but if I can't then I know I need my boundary.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
