Allright Jack I(dammit another one!)... get the "I" part.
This is the same thing I heard last time I was going to communicate boundary to W...
The A makes you want to control, fix, manipulate why?
Because in the back of your mind,that part with the ego comes creeping up and says why are you letting her get away with this? Why are you standing there and letting her kick you in the cowboys?
Because with all the progress you have made you are still focusing on your own pain. But buddy if you just spent a minute in her skin you would know that you have no concept of pain. Real pain. HER PAIN.
And BINGO was his name!
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Hmmmm.... Just here scratching my head...wondering...
Why I want to use "I" ...not sure where this came from but I think you said it Jack.
It had to do with entitlement.
We enter these doors with a sense of entitlement.
I=entitlement=my=mine
My M My W I hurt I need
If I don't get MY way
MY pain is telling me I need boundaries, No contact because contact is painful.
But you have to come through this. You can cry and piss and moan about the pain and it all is from the WAS. They gave the pain. YOUR PAIN.
So you do what's normal you recoil from the pain. You get as far away from it as possible or you try to control the source of it.
MANIPULATE CONTROL COERCE ENFORCE
But it is still there YOUR PAIN. Maybe it doesn't show up as often because there is nothing to trigger it but it's there YOUR PAIN. And are still giving you YOUR PAIN.
But it is yours YOUR PAIN. You can do whatever you want with it. You can give back to S. They don't want it. You can hide it somewhere. But you forget where you put it and one day you'll find it. Why not, since it's yours, why not just...
... throw it away. Then you realize is it really that easy? I can just throw it away? Why did I hang on to it for so long? Hey why did I let someone give it to me? Why did I accept this pain?
Because you're ENTITLED to it.
I don't need boundaries to protect me when I can just throw the pain away. Hell I won't even take the pain. It is my choice to accept it in the first place...
I think I am moving to a new understanding thanks to you folks and my experience. All this crap we show up with ALL OF IT...we have control over and the sooner we realize that we do then the pain can go away...and YOU can make the choice what's best for YOU and then stand calmly...
confidently... with dignity and grace... and faith in yourself... ... and with knowledge...
for ...what you believe.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
All this crap we show up with ALL OF IT...we have control over and the sooner we realize that we do then the pain can go away...and YOU can make the choice what's best for YOU and then stand calmly...
Once you realize that you are doing this because you WANT to...
You got it Grit.
This is all you...even the painful parts it takes to learn that...everything is all your choice, your control.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
