SP, what if you counter-counter-counter-counter-countered, with something that was MORE aggressive with what you had offered/asked for before, and/or took something off the table previously offered?
I think an escalated response is in order, in keeping with Gypsy's observation above.
Waiting to see what the Mouthpiece has to say. Spent 6 hours going over the document myself, crafting my own reactions (for the Mouthpiece) and adding supporting documentation, etc.
Real challenge is that STBX (and/or STBX's lawyer and/or STBX's 10 dozen lawyer friends) has come up with a pretty nifty divorce hat-trick by requesting 50/50 custody "with flexibility for both":
1) @ 50/50, children have no "primary residence," so child support reduced by half;
2) @ 50/50, alimony reduced by 2/3, since no need to maintain "lifestyle to which accustomed" as children have no primary residence; since SP Himself cannot possibly afford this house, that puts him on the street and STBX back in the house, which has long been a beef ("why didn't I kick your a** to the curb instead of leaving???");
3) There is no obligation to "actually" have 50% custody -- in other words, STBX can use a babysitter for whatever percentage of her time is required "in order to work." A babysitter for which, under the law, I am required to pay half. And her clever "with flexibility for both" language reflects recognition that (a) I would take any amount of time with Themselves I could and (b) my work requires no "flexibility" because it's all in the middle of the day (unless it's in Lebanon [or Iraq, where I found some other very interesting opportunities]).
So win-win-win: Less support/alimony = more money for her; SP out of "her" house; same slammin' lifestyle with SP's patented babysitting offset (and her babysitting cost much, much less than support).
And of course the court will be thrilled that she "wants" more custody.
@SP>>>"And of course the court will be thrilled that she "wants" more custody."
Forgive me if you've already talked about this; Have you already attended Family Courts mediation?
It was my experience that they were not thrilled that H now wanted 50/50, when it had been more along 20/80.
It'll be interesting to see what your L has to say.
I believe you have my cell # if you want to call me. Although I did represent myself, I hired someone to brief me on what the courts look for in establishing custody agreements.
Hopefully your Mouthpiece had some information of value.
SP - I am not sure if this is an option for you but why not tell your attny that you are done negotiating? It's not like this is the first proposal you have received.
IMO there are some obvious questions that your W will need to address. Why did she run out and buy the house she did if she had *any* inkling she would want to keep the house you currently live in? She couldn't buy the house she has fast enough and now that it is not all that it's cracked up to be she wants the old (old house = your current house) back. Once again it seems she simply wants to keep her options open for as long as possible about where she lives.
I know the laws differ in your state but eventually I had to tell my attny I was done going back and forth and even listening to any more "proposals" on a matter I was given no choice on. Two years of it simply was too long for the VERY urgent divorce my H demanded. It sounds like you are heading down that road as well.
"50/50" -- instead of 49/51 or 51/49 -- just automatically NEGATES 2/3 of alimony and 1/2 of child support??? That doesn't sound right to me. In fact, in sounds insane.
If that's the case, then refuse the offer. Personally, I think you should now dramatically up the ante and go for FULL CUSTODY, and staying in your home. You are clearly the better (only??) parent here, SP, and it's time to put the legal boot on your wife's throat, IMHO.
Document the time she spends with Themselves. You have your records here of the important days she missed, the times you had them, the job you DIDN'T take because she wouldn't agree to working out supervision. Keep documenting, and don't say a word about it to her. *No way* a judge is going to agree to 50/50 if she's blown off their birthdays and has shown through her actions she's done more like 80/20.
Let the lawyer handle it all. Your STBXW is a loon.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Had a long conference call with The Mouthpiece and associate. He's pretty much fed up with the counter-counter-counter game. We're drafting a letter to The Other Side that proposes everyone sit down with a mediator because, as The Mouthpiece put it, "Someone needs to explain to them what the law is in the Real World."
If they demur or fail to show, we're straight to the courthouse.
As far as the house kerfluffle goes, his recommendation was: stay put. If STBX stops paying the mortgage, don't pay it; she can't list it without my signature, and it'd take at least a year for the bank to get around to having me evicted (and since I'm an owner STBX can't have me evicted), and since The Other Side is holding "an immediate house sale" out as a threat to produce a "reasonable" (i.e., the one STBX likes) settlement, it's about time to call their bluff. Is STBX willing to take the hit to her credit rating that a foreclosure would produce? Let's see just how hard a game of hardball The Other Side wants to play. And by the time that year passed, I'd be preparing to leave anyway since that was The Plan in the first place (to keep the older one stabilized in school where he's comfortable until the natural elementary-middle school transition).
STBX sent me a nasty-gram yesterday, thanking me for reminding her every single day "just how right" she was when she dropped the Bomb: "We were never anything; we never had anything; I left nothing behind."
I replied: "You're very welcome! :)" [smiley face included]
I suspect that wasn't the reply she was hoping for LOL.
She does this, every now and again -- this weird "see, I told you we weren't a good couple" or "it's not like I want you bankrupt (and not just because you're the kids' dad)" or "I wasn't really sure about D until now" kind of thing. The other day, for some reason that eludes me, she texted in response to learning from the kids that I'd shot down their idea/wish that STBX would accompany us on our summer vacation, "See? We're both done with each other."
If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if it wasn't some kind of back-a**wards status-checking -- "is he still into me?" Or -- worse -- if she wasn't hinting at still being into me and wanting to see how I might reply. Or maybe she doesn't even know she's doing it.
I'm just tired of it, whatever it is. It drains the energy in a way that's just not helpful. Sign the friggin' papers, give me my money, and go about your business already.
Had a long conference call with The Mouthpiece and associate. He's pretty much fed up with the counter-counter-counter game. We're drafting a letter to The Other Side that proposes everyone sit down with a mediator because, as The Mouthpiece put it, "Someone needs to explain to them what the law is in the Real World."
If they demur or fail to show, we're straight to the courthouse.
As far as the house kerfluffle goes, his recommendation was: stay put. If STBX stops paying the mortgage, don't pay it; she can't list it without my signature, and it'd take at least a year for the bank to get around to having me evicted (and since I'm an owner STBX can't have me evicted), and since The Other Side is holding "an immediate house sale" out as a threat to produce a "reasonable" (i.e., the one STBX likes) settlement, it's about time to call their bluff. Is STBX willing to take the hit to her credit rating that a foreclosure would produce? Let's see just how hard a game of hardball The Other Side wants to play.
