W has PTSD and in MLC

[Truegritter]

I read through my whole thread and I think I know what has to be done. I think i know my feelings and why yesterday felt horrible.

I have detached and she was dragging me back in. Her crutch just left(MOM) and she needed to know I was there.

I need to communicate my boundary better. I am thinking of sending her this

I know that you are having a difficult time and that you are scared. I know that you have to get through this your own way and I have no control over this.

I want you to know that I am committed to our M and what that means right now is that I am working on the only thing I have control over and that is ME. I am working toward a better ME so we may have a better US and a better M.

What I was trying to say yesterday that got all jumbled up was that I know there will be no US until you figure out YOU. You said that to me and I agree.

I will be here for you to listen and be your friend IF you are committed to this process. This process can't begin unless you have ended any and all other romantic relationships.

If you want to communicate with me this has to happen at the very least.

Until then, I remain your H until you tell me you want something else. I remain committed to our M. I remain committed to a better ME. That you can have trust and faith in.

Your Loving H

Thoughts? I will not send until I get some feedback. I have to do this. I can't cycle back through this emotional attachment unless we are headed somewhere and even then at a purposeful distance.

As long as she's in this A she is still deep in the tunnel.

[Cadet]

I think you have given yourself great advice. Read what you wrote and follow your own advice.

But

I wouldn't send it to your wife. At least not now. Maybe at a future date she can read it.

Now will she look at it as controlling? or pressuring? Probably.

[Truegritter]

OP

I think you're right. I get it. I felt yesterday that I was sounding controlling and I felt like I was riding a bronco.

I just felt like I was getting drawn into the drama again. I wasn't prepared for it.

I was just a happy little LBS going along my merry way with my little detachment shield and ...

...thwack! Shot in the ass from behind.

I won't send anything and if she wants to talk I'll just listen. Be the man I want to be and LISTEN. Not put forth my own time agenda or ultimatums. LISTEN

SHUTUP

and LISTEN.

That's how I left it with her anyway. Told her if she wanted to talk. I'm here.

[Mach1]

I read through my whole thread and I think I know what has to be done. I think i know my feelings and why yesterday felt horrible.

I have detached and she was dragging me back in. Her crutch just left(MOM) and she needed to know I was there.

I need to communicate my boundary better. I am thinking of sending her this

I know that you are having a difficult time and that you are scared. I know that you have to get through this your own way and I have no control over this.

I want you to know that I am committed to our M and what that means right now is that I am working on the only thing I have control over and that is ME. I am working toward a better ME so we may have a better US and a better M.

What I was trying to say yesterday that got all jumbled up was that I know there will be no US until you figure out YOU. You said that to me and I agree.

I will be here for you to listen and be your friend IF you are committed to this process. This process can't begin unless you have ended any and all other romantic relationships.

If you want to communicate with me this has to happen at the very least.

Until then, I remain your H until you tell me you want something else. I remain committed to our M. I remain committed to a better ME. That you can have trust and faith in.

Your Loving H

Thoughts? I will not send until I get some feedback. I have to do this. I can't cycle back through this emotional attachment unless we are headed somewhere and even then at a purposeful distance.

As long as she's in this A she is still deep in the tunnel.

Thoughts ?

Guilt...

Expectations...

Pressure...

And those were the good qualities.

You want her to say she F'ed up and wants to come home...

Not gonna happen right now...

It's okay to feel that way....

You encapsulated standing very nicely.....


Now...


Run your monitor through the shredder.....

[Truegritter]

Mach

I love the way you put things! I recognize now when I f*ck up. How?

I feel like sh*t... I read on another thread you posted.Unfortunately I read it today:

Memories=Pressure=Expectations=Guilt

...for not being the person she wants to be and for being the person who could do terrible things...and ME for reacting horribly to them.

I heard all that from her yesterday.

I was not ready for this. I have had NC with her. We rarely talk about this stuff. AS IT SHOULD BE. So I am not yet good at fielding these fast balls that come flying at my head.

Here is a visual that best describes what I did:

She's moving through the tunnel and decides to poke her head out of a hole into the light of day. I was standing there with a hammer and bopped her on the head. BAM!

Back into the tunnel....

I don't want her to say she f*cked up. I want her to say "I'm ready"

I am ready to end the A. That is what I am fixated on. I admit it...I don't want her to come home yet. I'm not ready for that.

Hi my names is Truegritter and my W is still having an A.

Thanks for letting me ramble because I just figured out my problem...I am hurt and maybe still ...angry that this is still continuing...

I don't feel it everyday because I don't talk to her (detached).

This is my next hurdle...a clear vision of the man I am becoming and want to be...with the courage to STAND alone...and faith for what that brings.

If I had this in my heart- yesterday would not have happened.

[Mach1]

If I had this in my heart- yesterday would not have happened.

Yes it would have.....


After it DID happen.....

It shouldn't happen again.

[Truegritter]

I think I get you...I had to experience this to know how it feels...

Rather than talking my game... I had to live it.

Pain is wonderful teacher.

[Mach1]

Rather than talking my game... I had to live it.

There was a farmer who had a dog, and....


and....


and...



What was that damned dog's name ?



B I N G O ! ? ! ? ! ?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I know that you are having a difficult time and that you are scared. I know that you have to get through this your own way and I have no control over this.

I want you to know that I am committed to our M and what that means right now is that I am working on the only thing I have control over and that is ME. I am working toward a better ME so we may have a better US and a better M.

What I was trying to say yesterday that got all jumbled up was that I know there will be no US until you figure out YOU. You said that to me and I agree.

I will be here for you to listen and be your friend IF you are committed to this process. This process can't begin unless you have ended any and all other romantic relationships.

If you want to communicate with me this has to happen at the very least.

Until then, I remain your H until you tell me you want something else. I remain committed to our M. I remain committed to a better ME. That you can have trust and faith in.

Your Loving H

Lots of I's in there.

Lots of them.

I could retire if mining I's was profittable.

[Mach1]

Combat "I" mining ?