"There's no need to continue to apologize for the past. It's over, done with. It's the present that counts. Actions speak louder than words. A positive, confident attitude goes a long way."
And thank you for reminding me of that. God, I so need reminding of that often!
I am reading the first book you mentioned; the second one is a little too biblical for me, right now anyways.
"Listen without forming a reply. Anytime they talk, when you respond, use fewer words than they did."...that's good advice...thanks.
"This is a tough time, stuck with the mountains of legal paperwork, the steady nastiness of your divorcing spouse and now feeling the kids are turned against you." - you hit the nail on the head there!
"Eventually the kids figure it out. One parent demeaning the other always comes back to bite 'em in the ass. Focus on being the best person you can be in mind body and spirit, growing to be the best dad, letting go of the texts she sends you." - God, I hope so. Thanks, I'll work harder on this.
"In the end, it's you.. and your choice in how you make your home a safe place for the kids. Set the boundaries, let the kids know the consequences for their actions. Keep you chin up. They're worth it. You're worth it." - I love all of this...thank you .
If I can ever get my mind and spirit as strong as my body is right now...I'm gonna be out of control.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Eventually the kids figure it out. One parent demeaning the other always comes back to bite 'em in the ass.... Talk to your lawyer about her harassment, see if there's anything that can be done.
From where I sit, your children have one true parent: you. If they hate you for setting boundaries and consequences, you are doing it right. Be the one true parent you are. And remember, spew coats are useful with kids, too
You are doing fine. Don't second guess yourself. Your instincts and actions are right on the money.
Oh, and...Delete All Texts from her. Before reading them!
Hey G. Thanks for responding. They do seem to hate me for setting boundaries and consequesces for their behavior. Thanks for the reminder about the spew coat!
"You are doing fine. Don't second guess yourself. Your instincts and actions are right on the money." - And thanks for that too!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
The communication between she and I, on her part, spoken and unspoken, is so mean that it's hard to get my brain around it. But it's real. She's doing whatever she can, no matter how wrong it is, to facilitate the best outcome for her. She wants me out of her life, and out of our kids lives, and she will stoop to whatever low is required to help her accomplish that. This woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with has become a true adversary. I'm a better man now than I was in the past...and I'll be a better man after this 'war that nobody wins' is over. She's figuring on 'winning'...on 'cashing in' big time. But I'm fighting to the bitter end for my kids and myself...so that WE can have the best outcome obtainable. It doesn't look good for me right now...but I'm gonna fight to the nth degree of my capabilities. I've felt, since before she left and ever since...the consequences of my actions. I've tried to atone. I've changed. She needs to feel the consequences of her actions. Our children are in bad shape. She has used them as weapons. She's impervious to the damage that she's doing to the kids. Selfish...in the truest definition of the word.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
She's going for the full nut-cuttin'. Changed her original filing to seeking full custody, going after my firearms, going after the contents of the home that she didn't want, going after the equity and whatever increased value of the home there is compared to the purchase price, going after as much child support as she can, going after the retirement account that I single-handedly built up for our future, and she's 'using' the kids (especially my 13 y/o daughter) as weapons against me in the custody fight.
It's hard to get my brain around all this. But it hits me in the face daily. All the ramifications and considerations involved in this sordid mess compound and add to the difficulties involved.
It's unreal to see what she's become and what she's doing. It's possible for some people to change for the worse just like it's possible for some people to change for the better.
I hate it that things are this way. But they are.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Why does your post remind me of this car I have seen sitting in the front yard on my way to KC? It is on the back highways, not the interstate and it is cut with just the front end sitting in the yard. It has a big sign painted on it: She got the other half in the divorce!
They become aliens that's for sure!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
"My STBXW is emotional and tries to win arguments by making grand, vague and accusatory statements." She also tries to justify her actions by convincing herself of things that are no longer true.
"My plan is to remain unemotional and have facts and figures available to counter any accusation she makes." I'm providing sound facts and figures...just gotta hope there is some 'justice' in the legal system.
"She is hanging on to a fantasy view of her life after D." Yep, she's dyed her hair blond; has a FaceBook thing that she spends a lot of time on, and runs around with our 21 y/o daughter like they are friends instead of mother and daughter. And she's figuring on 'cashing in' big time in the divorce.
On a more pleasant note, my 12 y/o son and I have been spending more time together and things have been going good. Still haven't seen my 13 y/o daughter since we got back from Spring Break. :-(
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Let me tell you something. I've followed your thread from the beginning. You're a good man. Keep on keeping on.
We've made alot of mistakes. Can't take those back now. Keep doing good, and doing the right thing as much as you can.
You seem to be handling everything that's being thrown at you as well as can be expected. I pray that God gives you much blessing and the desires of your heart.
Let me tell you something. I've followed your thread from the beginning. You're a good man. Keep on keeping on.
We've made alot of mistakes. Can't take those back now. Keep doing good, and doing the right thing as much as you can.
You seem to be handling everything that's being thrown at you as well as can be expected. I pray that God gives you much blessing and the desires of your heart.
Thank You TulsaTime. I appreciate everything you said here.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
It's coming right down to it now. The final resolution conference is on May 10. I'm nervous, and I'm kinda scared. I'm also sad and hurt. I'm not gonna die from whatever happens, but thinking about stuff sure does cause a huge ration of painful emotions. My 12 y/o son and I have been spending some really good time together though!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
