Who do you think the MLC hurts the most? (Besides themself...that is)
The spouse...right?
Don't you think that maybe just maybe...this reconnection with others might be giving them the skills and confidence to try and reconnect with the spouse later?
Wow, you are right. Start with something easier in order to "practice" what is harder. Never thought of it that way. And of course that reinforces the fact that I need to keep my changes going.
Those walls. Uggh. They are there. Mine are of course from my heart getting stomped on and my family torn apart and my trust broken. His? Well, the issues driving his MLC and now he has spent so much time shutting me out and trying not to be a H/father that honestly at times I think he isn't quite sure how to let me back in. Just a guess on my part. Like last night, he made a comment that let me know about some plans he had for the weekend but the way he told me was just funny - cluing me in without really telling me.
So far I haven't let the weather get me down today, though it IS making me want a nap, especially seeing the dog all curled up in her "nest" snoozing the day away.
Something I have noticed about those walls, you bang your head against them for months and months with nothing to show, then one day a very small tap brings several big bits down all at once.
SR, I sure have missed your words of wisdom in your absence - glad you are back!:) I have noticed that - the banging of my head for so long and now that chinks are starting to show in that wall, I am not always sure what to do with it.:)
I am sad this morning. I'm sure at least part of it is because I am running on very little sleep due to insomnia last night due to THNKING too much. Wish I knew how to shut that off!
It has been an interesting week with some things happening around here that seem to be positive steps in MY direction, a couple even I think could count as wow moments. However, then yesterday happened and while nothing particularly earth shattering, it was just a reminder that MLC ick is still clearly there. Par for the course I guess.
It seems like little tiny pieces of bricks here and there in both of our walls are coming down (though I am clearly very afraid to take mine down at all - don't need to be hurt any more) but I wish it was more like a jenga move - take out the right brick and the whole wall comes down.
I have noticed now that my H is opening up a bit more about his life/plans/etc. and I respond with questions, and I am talking about small talk kind of quesions - nothing like interrogation, after one or two he starts to clam up. I need to remember to not do that, or be careful about it . I guess he still feels the need to keep me shut out.
TF, hang in there you are doing all you can do...I know how frustrating this stage is. Don't push him, don't ask R questions unless he brings it up. You don't want to spook him...
Don't get discouraged if it's two steps forward and one step back.
Remember... Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
BTW I can't sleep much either...usually 4-5 hrs. But it seems to be enough, I function OK. Weird
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Yesterday was a really bad day for me - the monsters were having a party in my head and making mountains of what are probably molehills. I hope. And I was also feeling those feelings of sadness about the way things have been. I have found that I do need to let myself feel that so I can move on. I certainly hope today is better.
I was just discouraged too just realizing my H's integrity/moral compass/whatever you want to call it is still skewed and NOT like the man I married and I don't really want this kind of man raising my children. I wonder if he will ever fix it.
TF, This question has been crossing my mind lately about my W. We know we can go the distance, have the patience, and are better off for the journey we are on, but you can't help but wonder when or if the MLCer will fix that "compass".
We have both seen enough changes in our spouses' behaviors and have had those positive baby steps that we know things are moving in the right direction. You wonder though if they will make it all the way through their journey or will they get stuck. Also, will we know if they are stuck or if this selfish mindset is something is permanent and will never change.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway to peace . . .
