I took my mother to see Bill Cosby tonight..he was hysterical. We then had some wine and a nice dinner out. It is a beautiful night in the NE. How is the weather down in FL?
Weather was beautiful! Had some friends over and cooked ribs on the grill to watch the end of the Masters.
Have not talked to wife in any way. I filed our tax extension today so we'll have to talk about that. I think I'm going to file M filing separately which she will have to file her own.
That won't go over well...
I just think we don't have a relationship so it's not my concern.
One of my friends was saying today: Truegritter's W is gorgeous!
I said yes she is easy on the eyes but hard everywhere else!
I think I'm going to use that going forward!
Last edited by Truegritter; 04/12/1001:47 AM. Reason: Typos
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
The only thing I really FEAR is that waiting for W continues to be a speed bump in becoming truly healthy. By design it has the goal of keeping the M. I very much want that. I am not sure W can ever get there.
I am finding that I am struggling with the fact that my W continues an A. I know she is on her journey and I can't force this. But I am finding I don't want this as part of my life. It's like I'm walking arounding with a knife sticking out of my chest. People ask me what's that sticking out your chest? When are you going to take it out? Why would you want to be with someone who put a knife in your chest? GOOD QUESTION.
The picture is becoming clear and the only variable is time.
I think for me to get through this I have to let go of the expectation that my W is going to catch up to me on this journey.
Can't remember who posted this but said "expectations are the downfall of good men"
I want to be a "good man" again. I have looked in the mirror and I know what I have done. I was depressed for most of my M because of my business struggles. That did not provide security to our M. I know that is squarely in my camp. I haven't talked to W about this becasue it's MC stuff and she is still in A.
The expectation has been the chain holding me back. I think I need to let go of it and move on. I mean open myself up to new people and experiences. If W comes back in my life then I can evaluate that just as if we just met and if I am in a relationship then I need to evaluate that too.
I don't feel anger anymore. I have released it. I am sad about my W and our M but that is getting better. I am sad about the choices she continues to make but they are hers not mine.
Has any of you been at this point in the process? Is this a healthy step? Should I consider some other things?
I don't want to give up but I want to be healthy. Any thoughts?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Grit..I just don't know. It doesn't even seem like your W is giving anything..not even a thought to saving your M. I don't know what she is doing or thinking. Don't make any big moves right now...stay dark and cold. I think you need to do that right now.
I get your comment about a knife sticking out of your chest..take the knife out. Don't allow her to hurt you anymore. That is a choice you can make. You have been so patient...try this out for a few weeks. You aren't looking to jump into something new right now anyway.
You need to stop blaming yourself for the downfall of your M. Your W took an oath to love you in sickness and in health. She committed herself to being by your side during good and BAD times. You don't go into a M thinking that everything is going to be perfect and the person that you married is perfect. Part of her job was to help you thru your tough time..support and love you. Having an A is pure selfishness...there isn't room for that in a M..you didn't push her into it..she chose this.
I agree totally I have just come to terms through my IC that I was depressed during this time and it didn't help me, her or M. There is no excuse in my opinion that justifies the A.
I'm not going to do anything except get on with my life and not think about the expectation that she will realize anything about our M or herself.
More later ...
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I think what I am saying is that I am letting another layer of detachment take hold. There is a delicate balance I feel between that which you have to do to become healthly by letting the hurt, expectation, and emotion go. And letting hope go.
Also trying to balance this person you see before you and the person they could be IF...
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Do let go of negative emotions, have zero expectations, but keep hope alive. Keep detaching. If you really want your M to work, don`t jump into any R right away, it`s not fair to anyone.
Do GAL, go out with friends, keep busy, take off for a weekend, do something just for you, you deserve it.
I am struggling with this. Thanks Lola and Celest.
Some good developments:
I have stopped having dreams with W in them. I am sleeping through the night.
I think I have to re-align my hope to something different. It was a general hope that we could get our M back. I think I have to think about this differently. There was so much in my M that I questioned with W. She was so self-centric in her decisions. I have questioned this from the beginning. I ALWAYS was the one carrying the heavier load in our M in every aspect. And then she's the one who makes the most selfish decision to have an A.
I think my expectation is for me now. I need to stand on my principals and values through this process and know that it will lead to a healthy decision about W and M.
To be mindful of the truth in myself, that I am strong, and confident that I will come through this to the right place for me. I know that I AM a good man and a good husband.
Now I need to write that down and keep it with me to remind myself every day, and especially in moments of doubt- that's who I am.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
