I talked to my sis today who by coincidence (or maybe not)is in MLC. She just moved out on her wonderful husband and their two kids. What a mess. My mother is about to kill herself (not really). Both her children are seperated right now. Anyway sis is also in A with OM. Haven't really talked to her cause I got enough crazy on my plate right now and I am kinda pissed at her too.
I told her what I did yesterday and she told me from her perspective as an MLCer that I really f-cked up. Said I didn't respect the friendship. She said the time to tallk about why this friendship shouldn't be in the marriage comes later. I need to apologize to her and sound sincere. Said I need to be the soft spot for her to land when she's ready. Said that's what OM is to her right now and what I do is more of what isn't soft or safe which is get on her case about her idiot friends etc.
In about a minute she told me all this like she wrote the friggin text book. She said I can save my marriage and I should save my marriage. I have to be patient.
This is awesome and I wanted to share what she said:
Pretend like your wife is a squirrel.
A squirrel?
Yes a squirrel.
You want to give her a nut. Not a pile of nuts. A nut. You say "Here little squirrel here's a nut." And hold the nut out until she comes to get it.
Ok.
And don't jump up and down and say "Hey squirrel over here! I have a nut for you!"
Yeah.
You'll scare the squirrel away. But you have to keep giving her a nut, one nut at a time.
Ok. My wife is a squirrel. I think I understand.
My baby sis. She's a WAS and an MLCer and that just may be what saves us both.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
That is an interesting analogy..what I find even more interesting is that your sis is so aware of what is going on.
I would expect someone in MLC to not understand what they need right now to return to their M..they don't know if they want to return to their M..and most likely- they just want out of their M. They are confused and irrational about most everything.
hmmmmmm.......makes me want to lure my H in..here H H..here H H...and then take a nut and throw it at his head.
I am actually doing great. I feel better about the detachment it's getting easier. I text W every couple of days. Short and sweet. "how r u doing?" "Have a great day." that kind of stuff.
I am not obsessing about what's going on with her or what any dumbass friend is talking to her about whatever dumbass advice goes through crazy people's heads.
I decided I'm going to learn to ride a horse and started taking lessons on monday and got another today. I am going to IC each week and that is reaffirming what I'm getting here.
Really after she sent me the email I posted over a week ago which showed so much promise ... Nothing. I haven't pressed anything. Just a benign text every 2 or 3 days which I feel costs me nothing emotionally. It's safe.
Every day feels better. My mom went to work on me a little. Just being the overprotective, fear based thinker she's been all my life. She doesn't want me with W. Never did. I got mad and then just let it go knowing her motives are good (she loves me and doesn't want me to be hurt) methods bad- pushing her fear on to me telling me what she thinks I should do, which is move on.
I ran from the demise of my first marriage. If I'm going I'm going with my head held high with my dignity and soul in tact. I'm going under my own terms and not because of anger or as a victim of some wrong.
I am leaving with my power when (and if) I go.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Man ain't it the truth Jack! It is the toughest thing when it comes from your family.
Lost mentioned you really have to have courage to stand up to everyone,(family, friends, etc) knowing they only want you to stop hurting and she's the reason you're hurting.
Stay the course ...
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
