I think the few months that the legal struggle went on were worse than anything else. It is hard to look at a person who shared the most intimate parts of your life and see them as an adversary. And they know how to hit you below the belt because they know your weakness. The final day in the guardian ad litem's ofice was horifying. I was afraid of throwing up the entire time. I looked at a man I had loved with all my heart and saw such venom in his eyes, because I didn't back down and let him take my children, leave me destitute, and sail off into the sunset with the OW. I had the nerve to stand up for myself and my children and expect him to support the family he created then destroyed. How dare I!!! I remember my attorney hugging me, then I walked out, hands shaking, got in my car, drove around the block so X wouldn't see me, before I pulled over and cried.
Hello. Boy, you hit the nail on the head. She got a GAL involved also...she's trying to take our kids! This legal stuff is awful...all of it. We shared the most intimate parts of our lives, as you said, and now we're adversaries! I've dealt with almost nothing but pure venom from her since she left well over a year ago! And now that we're in this huge legal battle, her venom is even worse! She's even more pissed because I didn't just roll over and go along with whatever she wanted! She helped me create our family. I admit that I did some damage in the past...lots of it. But she destroyed it! I changed, and she knows it...although she wouldn't admit it. She says that I had already pushed her over the edge by the time I started making my changes. She told me that she didn't think it was possible to hate somebody as much as she hates me! I'm sorry that you had to go through the crap that you did.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
She got a GAL involved also...she's trying to take our kids!
Yep, mine claimed I was mentally unstable and said he was the more fit parent. (I had been on anti-anxiety/depression meds for the last few years of our marriage. Went off of them about 4-5 months after he left!) As my atty pointed out, why did he move out and leave me with the kids if I was unstable!!! Then he had his atty put in for a court-ordered psych eval for me. LOL I passed just fine! He threw away $700 for it! And it was all to intimidate me into signing his ridiculous proposal.
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And now that we're in this huge legal battle, her venom is even worse! She's even more pissed because I didn't just roll over and go along with whatever she wanted! She helped me create our family. I admit that I did some damage in the past...lots of it. But she destroyed it!
Exactly! The WAS gets so angry that they can't leave and have everything their way!!! I admitted my problems and was willing to try to work them out. He didn't want to, but boy was he mad that I suddenly grew a backbone!!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
The WAS gets so angry that they can't leave and have everything their way!!! I admitted my problems and was willing to try to work them out. He didn't want to, but boy was he mad that I suddenly grew a backbone!! - bright_new_day
Yep. She wanted to leave and have EVERYTHING her way. It pissed her off that I retained an attorney and have bucked her when I felt like I should. It's become a war...a war that nobody wins. Except the lawyers. It's very nasty, unbelievable even! Venom and hate is what I get from her. Nearly every communication (always by text) from her contains venom and hate.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
My X started with "we can just do it ourselves and save the money" line. I was concerned about the legal issues involved with the property, taxes, and his retirement account. And I guess I knew deep inside that I could not trust him at all. I suggested hiring a lawyer to draft a property settlement agreement for $750 (w/3 revisions included) I did that, he didn't like it and he filed for custody of the kids. Rather than try to negotiate he went right for the jugular. In the end I spent over $6000 and I am sure he spent close to $10,000 and we ended up with a property settlement agreement that could have cost us $750. We didn't end up that far off of what my attorney and I originally proposed. I was not one who asked for over and above what I was entitledd to and planned to negotiate down. I asked for what was reasonable. The only thing that changed from my initial paperwork is that spousal/child support was lower, but that was inevitable because I got a full time job; and he got one more week with the kids in the summer. And that cost roughly $16,000 that could have gone toward our kids college. Ugh, sometimes I want to run him over for that!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
bright_new_day...it's almost unfathomable how ruthless they can be during times like these.
I got off work a little early yesterday and got on my bicycle, even though the wind here was atrocious. I did 77 miles yesterday...I was a glutton for punishment. It was good for me though...in lots of ways. I was too tired to drink my beer when I got in. I laid in bed and watched the OU women whip Kentucky. Yea Sooners! Final Four here we come.
Our choices as adults are almost unlimited, and sometimes they are painful...but it is still within our power to make choices. We here are having to deal with some really bad and painful things...but we have the freedom to choose every step of the way the manner in which we are going to respond to these bad and painful things. We have to acknowledge this freedom.
The more I learn about it, I think compassion is a huge strength, especially that for ourselves!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
The life of wisdom must be a life of contemplation combined with action. - M. Scott Peck, from The Road Less Traveled.
I have learned so much over the past 16 months, and have changed a lot...even my way of thinking about things. I wish I could have turned things around. Reality and truth are the same thing though, and that's what we have to dedicate ourselves to. Things are what they are.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
